Kissed by the Baddest Bidder Recreated - Book 3 - Chisato and Mamoru
by Cassakane
Summary: Chisato is struggling to find herself after her engagement ends. Then Olivia asks her to look into the death of Mamoru's friend. She's never liked Mamoru and now it seems that she's being forced to see way too much of him.
1. Sabotaged

_Author's note: _This is book 3 in my Kissed by the Baddest Bidder Recreated series. This one should be calmer and more romantic than Olivia and Sakiko's stories. I'm not sure how well it will read on its own if you haven't read books 1 and 2. It might be alright. (Book 1: Olivia and Eisuke. Book 2: Sakiko and Soryu.)

Feedback, good or bad, is always highly appreciated! I hope you enjoy this story.

"Daughter_."  
Blinking my eyes awake, I raised my head and looked up at my father. He was looming over me wearing his business suit and holding his briefcase._ Frowning_. I could see anger in the way his eyebrows were down and his mouth was a tight slash.  
_"_What are you doing out here?" he asked, annoyed. His eyes were boring into me. Judging and blaming.  
I took in a deep breath. I'd fallen asleep and I needed to clear my head to talk. I could feel thousands of tears dried on my face. I'd been sitting against the front door of our apartment since I'd come home from school. Waiting and crying and sleeping. Waiting and crying and sleeping again. "Mom's not in there," I said, pushing myself up to stand next to my father. "I can't get in."  
My father grimaced and muttered something under his breath. He reached into his pocket for his keys. "You're filthy." His voice will filled with disgust.  
_"I have to pee!" _As soon as the door was open I pushed past him and ran into the apartment. I'd been so afraid that I would wet my pants while I waited for my mother. I sighed with relief as I emptied my bladder and then washed my hands. Looking in the mirror, I could see that my father had been right. My face was streaked with dried tears and dust. My hair was a mess. My father did not like things to be dirty or messy. He yelled all the time because my mother hated to clean and the apartment was a huge mess. I carefully washed my face, combed my hair and tried to pat the dust off of my clothes before I went out to the living room.  
My father was standing in the middle of the room holding a piece of paper. There was a strange air about him. I walked over and stood next to him. "Did Mom go out with Mrs. Yashimoto again?" It had happened many times before, but she'd always waited to let me into the apartment before she left to spend the evening with her friend.  
My father didn't answer right away. He just kept staring at the piece of paper. When he finally raised his head, his eyes and his voice were cold and they both cut like a knife. "Your mother is gone. She won't be coming back. She didn't like being a housewife-," his eyes scanned over the messy room before coming to rest on me "-and she never wanted to be a mother. Especially to a difficult child like you."  
A stroke of powerful shock shot through me, leaving me an empty statue that couldn't move. Slowly the emptiness inside of me began to fill will terrible feelings, sadness and fear and horror. I stared straight ahead as the hot jagged emotions collected inside of me. I fought to keep them away from my eyes. I couldn't cry. My father hated it when I cried.  
_"_I'll have to do something about dinner," my father said angrily. He crushed the letter from my mother in his hand. I watched it crumple up into a ball. He was going to throw it away. It felt like he was throwing away my mother.  
_"_I'll do it," I said quickly, wanting to do something to make some of his anger go away. "I can cook. I can make something."  
He nodded and I hurried to the kitchen. It was a mess as usual, dirty dishes and empty or half-filled food containers all over the place. Tears slipped silently from my eyes as I cleaned the rice pot and started some rice cooking. I looked in the refrigerator and found some chicken and vegetables. I could cut them up and put them into the frying pan and cook them until they were done. My mother had made me do it many times before. She didn't like to cook. Even though I was only eight she pushed many of the tasks that she was supposed to do onto me, or she just didn't bother doing them at all.  
As I moved things aside on the counter to make room to prepare the food, new thoughts and fears began to pop up in my mind. My father didn't like this mess. He hated it. He was always shouting at my mother about it and saying that he didn't even want to come home because the place was filthy. And he didn't like me either. I knew it. My mother and I argued with each other and I cried and stomped my feet. Sometimes I even screamed. When he looked at me, my father's eyes were usually filled with disgust and annoyance.  
What if father left, too? What if he went to work tomorrow and just decided that he didn't want to come home anymore? I'd be all alone. All alone in the whole world. The idea was terrifying. I knew that I would have to do something to make sure that my father would never leave me.  
When we sat down to eat the food that I'd made, I cleared my throat and said, "Since Mom's gone, I'll make the dinner from now on and I'll clean the house. I'll do a better job than Mom did."  
_"_That's fine. You'll have to work harder at being a good child," my father replied. "I won't have you fussing at me the way you did with your mother. You'll have to keep yourself in line."  
His words made my stomach hurt as fear churned inside of it. "Yes, Sir. I'll make sure to always be good."  
_"_I'll give you the extra key so that you can let yourself in when you get back from school tomorrow. Be sure to follow through with your promise. It will be just the two of us from now on. If something goes wrong on your end, you'll be held responsible," he said grimly.  
It sounded like the worst possible threat to me. If I did anything wrong, my father would disappear. I would have to be perfect. Keep the apartment clean, learn to cook more food, take the best possible care of my father, be a good student and a polite little girl. Not a little brat that threw tantrums. If I did all of those things, he would never have a reason to leave me all by myself._

"Have you unpacked everything, Chisato?" my father asked. "You haven't left any boxes to the side that you plan to get back to later?"  
I slid the glass door open and stepped out onto my little balcony. It was freezing outside, but I needed the cold. I wanted it to freeze my frustration and cool my head before I threw my cell phone out into the night.  
"Yes, Father," I said, my voice quiet and polite, betraying not a speck of anger. "Everything is unpacked and put away."  
"And all of the papers have been signed? Tenkawa's taken care of everything on his end?" His voiced pushed at my eardrum, strict and rigid.  
"Yes, there's nothing left to do. The new owners are moving in next week," I said, even though I'd already told him all of these things before.  
"Are you watching your weight?"  
"What?" His question surprised me. I'd been expecting him to ask - _once again_ \- if I'd made sure the old apartment was spotless before I left it. The apartment that I'd shared with my ex-fiance Hinata Tenkawa. The apartment that we'd bought to begin our married life with.  
"Women are notorious for coping with uncontrolled emotions following a breakup by overeating," my father explained. "You must watch what you eat and keep a very close eye on your weight. No man will want you if you grow fat."  
"I haven't gained any weight. I weigh myself regularly. There's a scale in the...gym." I'd almost said training room. Eisuke had had a space in the Tres Spades converted into a training room so that Olivia, Sakiko and I could take our self defense classes at the hotel. He'd done it immediately after Olivia had escaped from her guards and we'd gone to pick up Eisuke's sister. There was no telling what my father would say if he knew that I was taking self defense classes. I knew for certain that he wouldn't approve.  
"A gym? You didn't tell me that you'd joined a gym," he said, sounding annoyed. "I suppose it's a good idea. Just make sure you don't build too much muscle. Men are not interested in women with muscles. Women should be feminine, soft and weak."  
"Yes, Father," I said. It was time to make an excuse to end this conversation. "I should go, I've got to be at work early tomorrow for a meeting."  
"Make sure you aren't speaking up too much in your meetings. Men don't like women who act like they know more than them," he instructed before hanging up.

I went back into my apartment, grabbed my coat and shoved my feet into my shoes. I'd chosen my new apartment because it was near the beach. I only had to go downstairs and walk a block and a half and I was standing on the sand, staring out at the cold waves as they crashed again and again on the shore.  
I was part way through a crisis or near a life-changing breakthrough or about to hit a wall. I wasn't sure which. It had all started when I was hired as the newest concierge at the Tres Spades. It was a big jump to go from housekeeping team leader to concierge, but I'd worked very hard for it.  
My life, the life that I had originally planned for myself, had gone off track when I met Hinata Tenkawa in college. He was a junior and I was a freshman and I had been so happy to have someone so mature pay attention to me. So many of the other students had seemed dangerously wild to me. I'd spent years doing my best to do everything right. Letting loose, partying, bending and breaking rules, just watching or hearing about other students doing those things was enough to make me feel like I couldn't breathe.  
Hinata had been different. He'd been calm, he'd respected the rules, he'd focused on his studies. He'd reminded me of my father. Serious and steady. It had been Hinata and my father together who had decided that I should drop out when Hinata graduated. It was too soon for us to get married, but certainly I would serve Hinata better if we lived together. I could get a job and start saving for the things we would need when we got married. I could cook and clean and take care of him so that he would be able to focus on his career. I'd agreed, it had made sense, I was going to be a housewife and mother eventually anyway, why bother with finishing university?  
Except, in the end, I couldn't quite do it. It had bothered me to have that half-finished degree hanging over me. I'd insisted that I needed to take online classes to complete it. Although they hadn't agreed with me and felt that I was being silly, Hinata and my father had decided to let me take the classes. It had taken a long time. Taking one or two classes at a time, but I'd finally finished my degree and was ready when the concierge position had opened up at the Tres Spades. I'd worked there for years, was very familiar with the hotel and had a great reputation. With my new degree in hotel management I met the education requirements, and everyone knew that Eisuke Ichinomiya wanted a woman hired for the position. He'd even ordered that a concierge training program for women be created because there weren't enough women in management at the hotel.  
I'd been in the perfect position to be hired for the job and I'd been so proud of myself when I was hired. It had felt like a reward for years of hard work and dedication. And then Hinata had broken up with me. Ended our engagement. Looked me in the eye and told me that he couldn't handle being in a relationship with a woman who made more money than him.  
Since then I'd been falling apart and finding myself on the edges of disassembling the life I'd had and learning to do my new job. It had been devastating to lose Hinata but it had also been strangely easy. It had been hard to let go of all of those plans for the future, the picture of what my entire life was going to look like. It hadn't been as hard to let go of Hinata. His reason for leaving me - _because my salary was higher?!_ \- had opened my eyes to how he really felt about me, what it was that he'd really wanted from me. He'd wanted me to be an obedient housewife and that was all. It had been surprisingly easy for me to realize that my new job was more important to me than my relationship with him. Far too easy.  
Now our old apartment was sold and I was living in my new place. I was trying to build a new picture of what my future would look like. I was going to have a successful career and I was going to figure out what I wanted from life and go after it. I wasn't going to spend my life in the background supporting someone else's vision of their future.  
I was also exploring the idea of cutting ties with my father. His constant efforts to control me hadn't bothered me at all before Hinata ended our engagement, but now I felt as if I was waking up from a dream and seeing my life in a whole new light. Since then every time I spoke to my father his questions and comments made me angrier and angrier. I'd been terrified to lose him for nearly twenty years. The idea of willfully removing him from my life seemed impossible. But keeping him in my life, when I was constantly rediscovering just how cancerous his influence was, seemed just as impossible. If I was going to figure out what I wanted from my life, I was going to have to stop listening to my father's vision of who and what I should be.

"Okay," I said, feeling guilty for rushing things and cutting them short. "Are you guys good? Can you work with this plan for the rest of the day and we'll talk about it again in the meeting tomorrow morning?"  
I looked around at the four housekeeping staff standing before me as they mumbled "yeah" and nodded, mostly avoiding my eyes. They'd been arguing about how the work was distributed among them in the hallway, in plain view and earshot of guests. Even though we had a meeting before the shift started every morning and they were free to discuss any issue. Even though they were also encouraged to fill out employee satisfaction forms and share their problems, they still decided to practically get into a catfight in full view of the public instead of using proper means to take care of complaints.  
"Make sure you behave properly in public spaces from now on," I said, keeping my voice sweet and kind. "I'm going have to have put this in your files and your team leader will be following up on this issue. I don't want to hear that anything like this has happened again. I know things can get frustrating, but there are better ways to deal with it than bickering."  
My comment was met with more shuffling and mumbling. They were just waiting for me to get out of sight before they would start complaining about me and rolling their eyes. But that didn't matter. What mattered was that I had to get to a meeting and I still needed to drop by my office on the way.  
I walked as quickly as I could back to my office, wishing that I could run, and prayed that no one would interrupt me on the way. I opened my office door with a sigh of relief and rushed over to sit at my desk and pull up my presentation on my computer.  
I let out a screech as soon as my behind hit my office chair and jumped back up. There was something on my seat, something cold and wet had soaked into my skirt, spreading across the fabric. I wiped at the soaking wet spot with my hand and cautiously raised it to my nose to smell it. There was no scent. It must be water. Which was something of a relief, but I was still in trouble. I stared down at my chair for a moment. The fabric was black and it was difficult to see, but there was a faint outline showing that something had drenched almost the entire seat. Someone must have intentionally poured water all over the seat of my chair.  
But I didn't have time to worry about who had played such an awful prank. Time was ticking. I would no longer have time to quickly review my presentation. I ejected the flash drive that it was on and hurried to one of the staff bedrooms that was just a few doors down from my office. The room was provided for concierges to sleep in when things were very busy and we were working a lot of overtime. All of the concierges also used it as a place to store an extra uniform in case of an emergency or just because we'd spent the night and needed clean clothes. I grabbed the garment bag holding my uniform out of the closet, quickly unzipped it and pulled out my uniform.  
It was in shreds. Someone had taken scissors to it and turned it into a tangled mass of fabric strips. With a cry of anger and panic I threw both the bag and the ruined uniform back into the closet and slammed the door closed. Someone was _really_ trying to mess with me.  
I quickly thought through my options, which turned out to be pretty limited. I could try to dry off my behind with the hairdryer in the bathroom attached to the employee bedroom, or I could call Olivia and hope that she still had her uniforms from when she spent one day in the concierge training program.  
"Yeah, I still have my uniforms," Olivia said over the phone with a naughty little laugh. "Eisuke likes me to wear them sometimes."  
"Okay, I need one _right now. _I'm coming up to the penthouse. Call the guard in the lobby and let him know I'm on my way up. _This is an emergency!_" I was already running down the hallway towards the employee stairs.  
The guard in the little cage in the lobby was waiting for me. He even had the elevator doors open and waiting. I ran inside with a quick, "thank you" and rode up to the penthouse where Olivia was standing at the front door with a uniform dangling from her hand.  
"Come on. You can get dressed in my salon," she said as she handed the uniform over.  
I grabbed the uniform and raced past her, noting as I flew through the living room that the only other person there was the scruffy man who always slept in the chair by the window. Olivia must have followed me at a walk. I had already kicked off my wet skirt and underwear and was yanking Olivia's skirt off the hanger when she walked into the room.  
"What happened?" she asked.  
"Someone's trying to sabotage me," I said, pulling up the skirt and quickly doing up the zipper and button. The skirt was a little big on me, but it would do.  
"What? Who?" Olivia asked, her eyes getting all round.  
"I don't know, I'll have to figure it out later. Right now I have a meeting to get to."  
I patted my pocket, making sure the flash drive was still there, and checked my watch as I ran back out into the hallway on my way out of the penthouse. I tried to calculate how much time it might take me to get to the meeting room on the third floor. I had no idea whether I was going to make it to the meeting on time.

I was several minutes late for the meeting. I walked softly and quickly to my seat, trying not to draw attention away from the director speaking at the front of the room.  
"What happened?" Hanaori leaned over and whispered. He'd let me know that he fully supported me when I started as a concierge. His daughter was planning on studying hotel management when she went to university.  
"A dispute between some of the housekeeping staff," I whispered back, shaking my head to show my disapproval.  
"Ha. Women," he said with a humorous smile. "That's why I manage the grounds."  
As he settled back into his seat, it suddenly dawned on me that I hadn't actually checked my presentation on my flash drive. I'd just grabbed it and run to fix my uniform problem. What if the uniform had just been a distraction from the real damage? I pulled out my cell phone and plugged the flash drive into it, tapping the screen with trembling fingers to pull up my presentation.  
_It was there_. It was there and everything was right. Nothing had been tampered with. I breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed back into my seat, turning my attention to the manager who stood at the front of the room talking about changes to be made in the cafeteria. Today would be the first time that I gave a presentation in a meeting, but I wasn't worried. My presentation was simple, I was mostly sharing data about reservations and guests statistics over the Christmas holiday. I'd fixed the problem with my uniform and only been a few minutes late to the meeting. I was going to count this as a success rather than a failure.

"Your skirt looks too big. Have you lost weight? Maybe you're having trouble eating since you got dumped."  
I turned around to see Erika Matsuda standing in the doorway of the supply room on the fifth floor. She had a victorious smirk on her face. When my eyes met hers, she stepped inside and let the door fall closed behind her.  
"What are you doing down here, Erika?" I asked, narrowing my eyes and ignoring her questions. "Shouldn't you be upstairs?"  
"We ran out of some supplies up on twenty-three," she lied without a moment's hesitation, crossed her arms and looked down her nose at me. "Or - let me guess - that's Olivia's skirt? You couldn't take care of your own uniform so you had to go begging to your slutty friend?"  
She was the one who had doused my chair with water and shredded my extra uniform. I'd thought so from the very beginning. There weren't many malicious employees at the Tres Spades, Erika might be the only one. She was certainly the only one that I'd ever come across.  
"Olivia helped me out in a time of need. That's what friends are for," I said with a shrug and turned back to continue counting the spa kits. There'd been a discrepancy when staff did inventory the night before.  
"Oh, I'm sure she helped you out," Erika said, letting venom seep into her voice. "Just like she had her boyfriend give you a promotion. But maybe I shouldn't say boyfriend, it doesn't sound right. Is sugar daddy more accurate? What happens when Ichinomiya gets a new mistress? Will you lose your job when Olivia stops providing special services to the big boss?"  
With a quiet sigh I put down the tablet I was holding and turned to face Erika head on. I allowed the anger that I always kept hidden to fill my eyes and started walking towards her, backing her into the wall behind her.  
"I know you think you can get away with anything you want since you're uncle's a director," I said, my voice low and threatening. "But you should remember that there's no one higher that Ichinomiya. If I breathe one word of what happened to Olivia, she'll have Eisuke fire you in a heartbeat. She won't ask for proof. She'll be happy to see you go, considering how you treated her when she worked in housekeeping."  
I reached up to flick Erika's ponytail over her shoulder and straighten her collar. "I'm being really nice not reporting this. You need to remember that because next time I'm not going to feel like being nice anymore."  
She stared up at me, her big eyes mutinous. I could tell by the way her lips were trembling that she was holding back the things she wanted to say to was not happy to have me putting her in her place. She didn't like to be reminded that she wasn't as important or powerful as she wanted to be.  
"Now get back to your floor before I contact your concierge."

Several days later I made my way to the jewelry store in the area of the Tres Spades called the plaza. The store had reopened during the second half of November after Eisuke had ordered extensive renovations to be made to it. The new store, renamed _Olivia's_, had every security feature known to man and every staff member was an undercover security agent. Olivia had been managing the store since it opened and I was meeting her for lunch.  
When I stepped into her office a familiar feeling of claustrophobia crept up my spine. You couldn't tell by looking at it, but the office was a panic room. With the touch of a button, or even a voice command, Olivia could make steel doors close and lock us in the room. The idea of it always creeped me out whenever I was in there.  
I told myself to get used to the feeling when I saw that containers of food had been spread over Olivia's desk. It looked like she wanted to have a private conversation, otherwise we'd be eating at one of the restaurants in the hotel.  
"Here's your skirt," I said, handing Olivia a shopping bag. "Thanks again for lending it to me. You really saved me."  
"I wish you'd tell me who's trying to sabotage you," she said with a frown. "I know it has to be Erika."  
I shrugged and avoided her eyes by focusing on the food. "There's no telling who did it, but I don't think it's going to happen again."  
"If anything does happen again, I'm going to tell Eisuke to fire Erika whether you want to admit it's her or not," Olivia said angrily.  
I laughed and shook my head. "Would he really do that?"  
She thought about it for a minute before answering. "Well, he does like to be a really fair boss, but if I told him the things Erika did to me in the past and let him know that she was harassing you, I think that would be enough."  
"Let's just hope that isn't necessary," I said.  
"You're no fun," she complained. "But forget about Erika, I have a job for you."  
"A job?" I asked, feeling suspicious.  
"Yeah," she said. "Do you know Mamoru?"  
"That bug-like guy that's always sleeping in the penthouse?" I didn't bother to keep the distaste out of my voice.  
"_Bug-like?" _Olivia laughed in surprise. "I never thought Mamoru looked like a bug. But he _is_ really tall. Maybe he could be a praying mantis? Why do you think he looks like a bug?"  
"He doesn't look like a bug, he's just _like_ a bug," I explained. "You know, like when you see a bug and it's so creepy but you can't stop looking at it even though it's creeping you out."  
"That's really weird," she said. "What's so creepy about Mamoru?"  
"He's always sleeping. Does he even have a job? Does he have a home? Does he bathe?" I answered her question with more questions.  
Olivia laughed. "He _does_ have a job. He's a police detective. And I know he has an apartment somewhere and I'm pretty sure he bathes. He never smells bad or anything."  
"That guy's a police detective? Like an _employed_ one?" I asked and frowned when she nodded. "My tax dollars are paying for that guy to sleep in the penthouse all day?"  
"_That's_ why I want your help," she answered. "Well, not that thing about the tax dollars. _I_ think Mamoru is sleeping all day because he's super depressed about his friend who got killed in the line of duty. Apparently his death hit Mamoru really hard and they never even solved the case and found out who killed him."  
"You want me to figure out who killed Mamoru's friend? Didn't Eisuke tell you to stop '_playing Charlie's Angels'_?" I asked suspiciously.  
"_Yeeeeees, _but this shouldn't be a problem. I'm not going to leave the hotel or anything, so there's nothing for Eisuke to complain about. You're still doing your internet sleuthing thing, right?" I answered with a nod and she continued, "So it's no problem. Just look into this instead of something else. If you solve this case, you could really change Mamoru's life. He's been really nice to me and I hate seeing him all depressed."  
"I guess it wouldn't hurt to look into it," I said. "But I'm not going to make any promises. Especially if the guy was killed in the line of duty. The police are usually very good about investigating the death of one of their own. There probably aren't any leads that haven't been followed."  
"I don't know anything about that," Olivia brushed aside my comments as if they didn't matter and passed me a scrap of paper. "Here's the information that I have. Well, it's really just the name of Mamoru's friend. Shunsuke Minami. He was a police detective."  
I put the piece of paper in my pocket with a sigh, hoping Olivia wasn't dragging me into more trouble.


	2. Assignments

I walked up the stairs to the second floor living room of the penthouse with a sigh. My body felt heavy and my stomach was tight. I hated to betray my friend, but there was nothing else that I could do. Olivia was working happily down in the jewelry store and I was going to stab her in the back.  
Eisuke was sitting behind the computer at his desk. He looked up when I approached and raised his eyebrow. If the guy sleeping downstairs was a bug, Eisuke was a hawk ready to lunge forward and slash me with his talons or capture me in his sharp beak. He was cold and ultra in control and he had eyes that looked right into your soul.  
"I had a conversation with Olivia yesterday," I began when he didn't bother to return my good morning. "She asked me to do another investigation."  
"What is it this time?" he asked, his face remained expressionless. I couldn't tell if he was angry. I didn't know if I was getting Olivia into a lot of trouble.  
"She wants me to look into the death of Mamoru Kishi's friend. She thinks he's depressed and solving the case might help him move on," I explained.  
Eisuke stared at me and nervous chills crept slowly up my spine. "Mamoru doesn't want us investigating the case, he's made that very clear."  
I nodded. It was as I'd expected, he was going to tell me not to do the investigation. I'd have to come up with a good excuse to give Olivia for not doing what she'd asked. Maybe I could just pretend to look into the matter and tell her that I'd found nothing?  
"But, he can't complain if Olivia secretly asked her friend to work on the case. I'd like to see this solved. I agree that Mamoru's depressed. If you do this I'll be able to get more work out of him and he'll stop sleeping in my living room all day. Do the investigation." It was definitely a command.  
"Yes, Sir," I said. "Would you like me to report to you or to Olivia?"  
"Report to both of us," he directed. "I want to know how things are going. Don't let Olivia know that you've spoken to me. Let her think this is a little secret between the two of you and give her plenty of updates to keep her happy."

I stopped on my way out of the penthouse and looked over at Mamoru. He was sleeping in '_his chair'_ by a window in the living room. The sun was shining on his face, highlighting a line of drool that was seeping from his open lips down into the sort of goatee they called a soul patch. His eyes were mostly covered by his shaggy black hair. He wore a light gray suit with a gray-striped tie. The tie was loosened, I'd never seen him wearing a tie properly tightened up to his collar. His suit was rumpled and creased from being slept in or from being thrown on the floor when he wasn't wearing it or from being badly in need of a trip to the dry cleaners. Probably all three of those things.  
This guy had been accepted into the police academy's detective training program? This guy had passed all of the tests and been hired as a detective? It seemed impossible. He was a lazy slug. He must be from some rich family that had bought his way through school and into a job with huge donations and bribes. How else could you explain this situation? Not only had he become a detective, he was apparently still employed and drawing a paycheck even though he slept all day. It would make more sense for me to investigate the suspicious circumstances of Mamoru Kishi than it would to solve a cold case, but that wasn't what I'd been asked and ordered to do.

"Ms Kurihara? We've got a call from the guest in room 437. It's about a lost earring."  
"Thank you for letting me know. I'm on my way," I said and hung up my cell phone. A lost earring. I hoped this wasn't going to turn into an accusation of theft. It would be a hellish stack of paperwork and staff interviews to determine if one of the housekeeping staff had stolen the earring. And _one_ earring? Who stole only one earring?  
When I arrived at the room a very pretty woman opened the door. She was nervous and very apologetic. "I'm so sorry about this," she said, her eyes pleading with me to forgive her. "But I dropped my earring behind the headboard and I can't reach back there to get it out."  
I followed her into the hotel room and watched as she explained that the earring had been dropped behind the center of the headboard. If it had fallen closer to an edge, she might have been able to reach her arm behind the heavy headboard and get the earring. As it was, the only way to get the earring was to call maintenance staff in. Either they'd have something long enough to reach the earring and knock it within arm's length or they'd have to move the bed out away from the wall.  
"May I see the other earring, please?" I asked and took a look at the diamond stud that she showed me. Well, there was no telling if it was real or not, but judging by the expensive clothes she was wearing it was more likely that it was real. It seemed too risky to try to reach something long behind the headboard and use it to knock the earring out from behind the bed. I called maintenance and asked them to send a couple of men up to move the bed. I also called housekeeping and asked them to send someone with a vacuum cleaner. The beds were incredibly heavy. They didn't get moved often, so there was going to be a thick line of dust behind the headboard.  
"I hope you're enjoying your stay," I said with a smile, making small talk while we waited for the maintenance men to show up.  
"Oh yes. The Tres Spades is a an awesome hotel. I always like to stay here," she said with a smile but there was something in her eyes. Something guilty. Something that she wanted to hide.  
"I don't know how long you're staying, but a lot of the shops in the plaza are going to start their Christmas sales tomorrow. I've heard there's going to be some really great deals." I looked at the bed as she thanked me for telling her about the sales and started talking about the shops that she liked in the plaza.  
It was a king-sized bed with a very heavy wooden headboard. The sort of thick, durable, heavy wood headboard that you find in hotels. At the top of the headboard, in the center, a keyhole was cut in the shape of a spade, the symbol for the Tres Spades hotel. The headboards were specially made for Tres Spades hotels around the world. The keyhole was something of a joke with the housekeeping staff. It seemed that hotel guests liked to use the hole in the wood to attach handcuffs or other bondage devices. Once there was even a call from a guest who'd handcuffed her husband to the headboard only to realize that she'd thrown the key to the cuffs away with the packaging back at their apartment in Fukuoka.  
Housekeeping staff often noticed fresh marks in the wood at the top of the keyhole. I could see new scuffs and scrapes on the headboard as the woman rattled on about a pair of sandals that she'd found on sale at a shop. I answered with an "Oh, those sound so pretty" as I pictured how the woman must have lost her earring. No one was going to stand in the center of a bed and accidentally drop a piece of jewelry behind the headboard. She must have been handcuffed to the bed and her head would have to have been pressed up against the wall. Someone must have been going at her pretty viciously to knock an earring out of her ear.  
"The sad thing about sandals is that you have to wait for warm weather to wear them," I said with a little laugh, brushing the lurid image of the woman out of my mind. Her sex life was her own business.  
As the woman began talking about missing her tank tops and shorts, a knock sounded at the door. I let maintenance in and oversaw the moving of the bed. The earring and it's back were quickly recovered, housekeeping staff took the opportunity to vacuum away the dust and the bed was placed back against the wall.  
The woman thanked everyone profusely and we all wished her a pleasant stay. As I walked back to my office I couldn't shake the niggling feeling that there was something strange about the woman. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but _something_ had been off.

"Are you Lieutenant Rakuuta?" I asked. It was my day off and I was meeting a police officer at a coffee shop. One of my fellow internet sleuthing friends had given me his name and provided an email introduction. Apparently Lt. Rakuuta was okay with giving some information to sleuths from time to time.  
"Yeah, that's me," he said, looking up from his coffee. "DigiMite said you wanted to talk about an old murder case?"  
I noted that DigiMite hadn't given his real name to the officer and decided to do the same thing myself. "Yes, that's right. It's nice to meet you, I'm DaisyChain. I'm looking into the death of a detective that happened a few years ago. It was ruled an accident, but the circumstances are just too suspicious for that to be true."  
I passed a file folder to him and he opened it to scan through the documents I'd prepared. "Detective Minami huh? I knew this guy and yeah his death was suspicious, but you're wasting your time with this," he said, dropping the folder onto the table.  
"Why's that?" I asked, just to see what he would say.  
"Because the truck that jumped the curb and plowed him down on the sidewalk was unmarked. There's no way to track it or figure out who was driving it. There's no evidence to go on," he answered. He was the sort of man who had been made cynical by his job. He'd seen too much and didn't care much about anything anymore. Why was it that some men shut down their feelings and some men, like Mamoru, were shut down _by_ their feelings?  
"But that isn't the only direction to look," I said. "Doesn't it make the most sense that Minami's death had something to do with the drug ring that he was investigating? From what I can tell he'd tied some pretty big names to drug trafficking."  
That got his attention. "Who are you talking about?" he asked suspiciously. "What big names?"  
"Shin Aida seems to be the biggest one. He's a councilor in the Diet. Some say he's going to be prime minister someday. A man like that has a lot to lose. He's not going to let himself be taken down by some police detective," I explained.  
"Shit," Lt. Rakuuta spat, pushing his coffee cup away. "You know this is a waste of time and _dangerous_. You can't fuck with someone like Aida. It isn't worth your time or your life to do it. There's no way you'll pin this on him, it's too far down the chain and you'll never find the evidence to get the guy behind the wheel of the truck, let alone Aida."  
I watched as he stood up. "I know that, Lieutenant. I just wanted confirmation of what I'd found. Thank you for meeting with me."  
He gave me a short nod and walked away. I didn't bother to turn around and watch him disappear out the door. This must be why Mamoru couldn't get over the death of his friend. Minami had died in the pursuit of justice, but there would be no justice for him. There was no taking down a man like Aida. Someone who was not only wealthy and powerful, but involved in the criminal world. He was too big to ever be held accountable.

A few days later I received a call near the end of my shift letting me know that Eisuke wanted to see me up in the penthouse. I got on the elevator wondering if he wanted a report about the Minami case. I'd yet to tell either Olivia or Eisuke my results. I was still toying with the idea of trying to figure out who may have been involved in the murder on a lower level than Aida. Who had actually driven the truck, who had devised the plan? Would it matter if I was able to find someone that could be held accountable? It didn't seem likely, but if I found the right thread, I might follow it to at least one guilty party.  
In the penthouse Eisuke and Mamoru were relaxing on a couch. Mamoru was engaged in his second favorite pastime: smoking. I frowned at him and turned my attention to Eisuke.  
"I've got an assignment for you," Eisuke said. "We thoroughly investigate all applicants for the auction and midnight poker game. I've got a team for that, but they're busy reviewing applicants for the casino expansion. So I want you to investigate this man, Roku Yoshida." He passed me a file folder. "We've already got financial and business data, that's in the file, but we need information about his private life and history."  
I looked down at the folder in my hand, it was pretty thick, and then back up at Eisuke. "Yes, Sir. I'll do my best, but I've never done anything like this before."  
"That's fine," he answered. "I'm going to send Mamoru with you. He'll be able to help evaluate whatever information you find against our expectations for the auction and game."  
I blinked at the two of them. I wanted to argue and say that I didn't need Mamoru there. Couldn't I just pass whatever information I found to him when I was finished? I didn't let the words out of my throat. Eisuke was the boss and I would do exactly as he said.  
Eisuke stood up and smoothed out his suit. "And just in case you're wondering, this _is_ a test."  
I watched as he walked over to the stairs that led to the second floor and began to climb them before swinging my attention back to Mamoru. He slowly unfolded his length from the couch and stood up. He gave a sigh and ruffled his fingers through his messy hair. "I guess I'm not going back to sleep," he muttered to himself and then looked at me. "Let's go get this over with, Honeybee."  
I turned on my heel and started towards the front door. "My name's Chisato," I said, thinking he'd probably forgotten.  
"Yeah, yeah, I know," he said, his words morphing into a yawn. "Chisato Kurihara. Concierge and Olivia's friend. You give me dirty looks when I smoke."  
"I'm sorry about that. I don't like cigarette smoke. I find it irritating," I said, surprised that he'd even bothered to notice my reactions. "I'll have to do this research on Yoshida at home. I can't do it on a company computer. I'll have to stop by my office and grab my things."  
"Okay, no problem," he said, yawning _again_. "I'll just head on down to the lobby and wait for you there."  
"_You will not." _The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. "Your suit is horribly wrinkled. You look like a vagrant. If you're lying around in the lobby guests will think that we let homeless people camp in the hotel."  
"Hah. Alright then, Honeybee. I get what you're sayin'," he drawled. "Lead the way to your office."  
I bit my tongue as the elevator stopped and the doors slid open. It wouldn't do to say anything else. I couldn't believe that I'd been rude to him, but he'd responded as if it were nothing. He was probably used to people losing their patience with him. He was very annoying, his mere presence was grating on my nerves. I'd have to complete Eisuke's assignment as quickly as possible and get this guy out of my hair.

"This is pretty." I'd just set a small tray with a cup of tea and some snacks on it in front of Mamoru. As soon as I'd opened my front door he'd made a beeline for my couch and flopped down on it. Now he was running a long finger along the edge of the tray. "A classic design, very feminine without being overdone. Just like your apartment. It reminds me of you."  
I stared down at him in shock. What in the world was he talking about? "Thank you," I finally said politely and turned around to walk over to my computer. Behind me, he gave a quiet, "Hah" and fell into silence.  
I got started on my investigation of Roku Yoshida, first posting a message on the sleuthing forum asking if anyone had information about him and then beginning with some basic web searches. I started a document and began copy-and-pasting the data that I found into it, careful to be as organized as possible so that I wouldn't end up with a mess at the end.  
Behind me I could hear Mamoru sipping tea and munching on snacks. After he finished them he said, "I guess you don't want me smoking in here."  
"Go out on the balcony," I said, waving my hand towards the sliding glass door. "Just wait a minute and let the wind blow some of the smell off of you before you come back in."  
"It's freezing out there but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do," he said and disappeared out into the night.  
"A man's gotta take a nap and work on giving himself lung cancer," I murmured to myself. I'd had enough of doing a basic search on Yoshida. It was time to start using the dark web to find the really good stuff. "It's a good thing that Eisuke sent Mamoru to help me. I have no idea how I'd be managing without him."  
He must have smoked more than one cigarette because it was a while before the door slid open and he came back inside on a gust of frigid air. "Do you know that if you lean out and look up the street you can see the ocean from here?"  
"Yeah, I know," I said. "I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'll make you some more tea in a minute."  
When I was in the bathroom I heard my doorbell ring. I rushed to wash my hands, but by the time I'd finished I could hear voices in the apartment. Mamoru must have opened the door to whoever had rung the bell.  
"Who is this guy?" Mamoru asked when I stepped out of the bathroom. He was standing at the entrance to my apartment with a bored look on his face. "He won't identify himself."  
"He's my ex-fiance," I said, staring at the man standing next to Mamoru. He was much shorter than Mamoru, his hair was neatly combed and he was frowning at me. "Hello, Hinata. How did you get my address?"  
I saw Mamoru's face tighten when I asked the question. He was probably going into cop mode since my question made it seem like I didn't want Hinata finding me.  
"I got your address from your father," Hinata replied. "You took some of my cd's. I want them back."  
"Oh, I see," I stepped forward and took the piece of paper that he was holding out. There was a list of cd titles on it. "Give me a minute and I'll find them.  
I walked over and knelt in front of the storage case that I kept my cd's in. Anger was flowing through my veins but I was keeping it contained. Hinata had made it sound as if I'd purposefully stolen his cd's. The selfish ass. He'd been so fussy about music, always complaining and lecturing me about why the music that I liked was trash. I'd stopped listening to music years ago just so I wouldn't have to listen to him anymore. There's no way I would have intentionally taken his precious cd's.  
As the tirade in my head subsided, I realized that the men were talking behind me.  
"So, you're her ex," Mamoru asked.  
"Yes," Hinata replied, his voice tight.  
"How long did you two go out?" I wondered if I should stop Mamoru, but it felt more important to just find the stupid cd's and get Hinata out of my apartment.  
"I don't see how that's any of your business," Hinata snapped.  
"I'm just making small talk here," Mamoru said, his tone implying that Hinata was being petty for refusing to answer. "How long?"  
"Seven years."  
"Seven years? That's a real long time. Why'd she break up with you?" I bit my lip and tried to make myself look smaller as I searched for more cd's.  
"She didn't break up with me. _I_ broke up with _her_," Hinata answered proudly.  
"Really?" Mamoru gave a little laugh. "What was the problem? You get tired of her naggin' you all the time?"  
"_She never nagged me,"_ Hinata spat, angry at the idea.  
"Really? You must be damned near perfect then," Mamoru drawled. "I guess you don't have any wrinkles in your suit."  
"_Chisato,_ are you almost finished?" Hinata called over to me.  
I bit my lip and tried not to laugh. It was nice that Mamoru was using his power to annoy for good instead of evil. "Just a couple more," I called back and quickly scanned the case for the last two titles.  
When I handed the cd's to Hinata he frowned at me and said, "Who is this man, Chisato? You always were too forward in bed but are you really picking up bums off the street?"  
I stood stunned for a moment, completely shocked that Hinata could say such a thing. Behind me I heard Mamoru give a low laugh and start to walk towards us. The laugh was laced with danger. I stepped forward, opened the door and said, "That's enough, Hinata. Just leave." I grabbed him by the arm and pushed him out into the corridor, slamming the door in his face.  
When I turned to face Mamoru his face was a relaxed as ever. "You were going to marry that man, Honeybee?"  
"Everyone makes mistakes when they're young," I said, turning my back on him and heading back to my computer. I needed to get the research done as quickly as possible and send him on his way.  
"Yeah, ya can't argue that," he said and went back out onto the balcony for another cigarette.

An hour later I was diligently copying information into the document on Yoshida. Mamoru was pacing around my apartment. He was probably bored out of his mind but he hadn't made any complaints. I felt like I was drawing close to completing my investigation and being able to give Eisuke a solid answer to his questions.  
"_What the fuck is this?"_  
I turned around to see Mamoru standing in front of my bookshelf holding the file folder that I'm made for Shunsuke Minami's case. My stomach sank and I closed my eyes for a moment. How many bad things would happen in one day?  
"Olivia asked me to look into Minami's death and Eisuke-" My hand flapped around as I tried to find the right words. "Eisuke told me to do the investigation."  
"What did you find?" he asked. His voice sounded different. Very serious. Far from the lazy uncaring drawl that he usually spoke with.  
I sighed. "Minami was investigating a drug ring. The thing that probably got him killed was finding out that Shin Aida was involved."  
He stared at me darkly before turning to walk into the bathroom. After sitting stunned for a moment, I jumped up and ran after him. When I stepped through the door he was holding the file over the bathtub and setting it on fire with his cigarette lighter.  
"_What are you doing?"_ I shouted as little flames and smoke began to pour from the file. "_You're going to set the fire alarm off!"_  
I ran over and tugged at his arm, but he shook me off like an annoying insect. So I ran back out into the apartment and pushed the temporary shut off button on the fire alarm. Turning back to the bathroom, I saw smoke billowing out of the room. He really was going to burn the whole thing.  
I ran over to open the door to the balcony and then went back to the bathroom. Mamoru was standing over a burning pile of papers at the bottom of the tub. "This is going to ruin my bathtub," I said, staring down at the ceramic as it scorched under the fire.  
In response he reached over and turned the shower on. Water splashed down on the burning papers and doused the flames, leaving a wet mess of charred paper and ash lying in the tub.  
"_Why did you do that?"_ I shouted at him. "_It doesn't make any sense. It's just papers! All of the information is on the computer and even if you burn my computer I can easily find it again! You just ruined my bathtub for nothing!"  
_ "Stop investigating," he said as if I hadn't yelled at him. "It's a waste of time and it's dangerous."  
"I've already stopped," I said. "I figured out it's a hopeless case and I know it's dangerous. You didn't have to set anything on fire. You're being ridiculous."  
He stared at me as if judging whether I was telling him the truth and then said, "What did you find on Yoshida?"  
"He should be good for the auction but he's probably too much of a loose cannon for the poker game," I said. "I'll report to Eisuke about the stuff that I found. You can just leave."  
He walked past me and headed for the door. "You should destroy all of the information on the drug ring and Aida that you have on your computer. Better yet, throw the whole fucking thing into the ocean. Make Eisuke buy you a new one."  
I watched the door close behind him. Cold air from the open balcony door blew in and chilled my skin. There was a mess to clean up and I still had to do some editing on the Yoshida document. I turned around and went to close the door. One thing, and then another and then I was going to bed.


	3. Working

The next morning the first thing I noticed after the maid let me into Eisuke's apartment was Mamoru pushing himself up from his chair. I'd thought that if I came early enough in the morning he wouldn't be in the penthouse. I was wrong.  
"Mornin', Honeybee," he said, stretching his long arms towards the ceiling before ruffling his fingers through his messy hair. "Gonna make your report?"  
"Yes," I said tightly, frowning as he walked towards me. "And I can do it on my own. You don't need to accompany me."  
"Eisuke told me to help you out. I'll be there for the report to finish the job," he said.  
"Yes. You worked very hard last night eating snacks and smoking and snooping around my apartment," I snapped and turned away from him to head to the second floor living room.  
"Hah. It was a pretty nice night I guess," he muttered behind me.  
My back stiffened up and I ignored him, taking the stairs and walking directly over to stand in front of Eisuke's desk.  
"Good morning, Sir. Here's the report on Yoshida," I said, handing him the file folder. He accepted it and laid it down on his desk.  
He sat back in his chair and looked from me to Mamoru and back again, his eyes probing.  
"What do you think?" he asked.  
"Yoshida should be fine for the auction. He seems to be honorable and trustworthy when it comes to paying debts and keeping secrets," I explained. "I wouldn't recommend him for the auction. He's hotheaded and reacts violently when he feels he's been crossed."  
"I see," Eisuke said, rapping the file folder with his knuckles. He turned his attention to Mamoru. "What are you so pissed about?"  
I turned to look at him. He hadn't seemed angry to me, just lazy and flippant like usual.  
"You've got her investigating Minami's death? I told you guys to keep your fucking hands off that case," Mamoru said, staring Eisuke in the eye.  
Eisuke scoffed and looked back at me. "You told him?" I could hear a heavy threat in his voice.  
"No, Sir," I said quickly. "He went through my things while I was investigating Yoshida."  
Eisuke's eyes went back to Mamoru and I felt like I could breathe a little easier. "You told us not to investigate Minami, but you didn't tell Olivia. She's meddlesome, you know that."  
"This isn't a joke, Ichinomiya," Mamoru spat. "This woman's in danger because you told her to do this."  
"Danger?" Eisuke's eyes looked at me sharply. "What did you find?"  
I looked at Mamoru, wondering if he would interrupt me, and then back at Eisuke. "Minami was killed because he discovered that Shin Aida is part of a drug ring. He's a councilor in the Diet. Aida exerted his authority to shut the investigation down and had Minami killed when he refused to stop working on the case."  
"I know who Aida is," Eisuke said. "Stop the investigation."  
"Yes, Sir. I already have," I replied.  
"Did you destroy your computer?" Mamoru voice was firm and serious. There wasn't a hint of his usual drawl.  
"Of course not," I answered.  
Mamoru raised a hand and wiped it over his forehead. "Do that right now. Go home and destroy it. I'll have a new computer sent to your house today. Don't transfer a single thing that relates to your investigation of Minami to your new computer. Can you do that or do I need to come with you and make sure it gets done?"  
"I'm at work right now," I reminded him. "I can't just leave."  
"Go," Eisuke said. "Do as he says. Come back to the hotel when you're finished."  
"Yes, Sir," I said, feeling railroaded.  
"You've done a good job on the Yoshida investigation," Eisuke said. I raised an eyebrow. He hadn't even opened the folder to see the work that I'd done. "I'll be assigning the two of you to work together more often in the future."  
I almost choked. "Really, Sir. It's just as easy for me to work on my own-" His eyebrow shot up and I swallowed my words. "But I'll be happy to take on any task that you'd like to assign to me. I'll go take care of destroying my computer now."

Mamoru followed me back down to the first floor of the penthouse. "I liked those cookies you had in the green wrapper," he said with a lazy yawn. "Get some more of those for the next time we work together."  
"What? Why didn't you tell Eisuke that I don't need your help?" I demanded. "All you did was laze around my apartment. I don't need you there and I don't want you there."  
"Hah. I just told you," he said, smiling in the face of my anger. "I like those cookies and I like your couch. It's nice and soft and it smells good."  
"My apartment is not a place for you to loiter and mooch snacks," I snapped. "Tell Eisuke you don't need to help me."  
"No can do, Honeybee. You've got a good place for loiterin' and I'm not gonna pass up a chance to take a nap on your couch," he said with a grin. "And you can't say no to King Ichinomiya, so it looks like you're stuck. Be sure to buy those cookies."  
While I stood in shock at his audacity, it dawned on me that he was purposefully baiting me. "What are you doing? You're just trying to make me mad," I accused.  
"Hah. Yeah, I can't deny that. I like it when you get snappy with me," he said, reaching a hand up to ruffle the back of his hair.  
I stared at him for a moment as my brain tried to make sense of what he'd said. When all the wires connected, I turned around without a word and stalked to the front door.  
"Destroy that computer immediately, Chisato," he called after me using his serious voice. "I'll order you a new one right now."

Two days later I was walking on the fifth floor when I ran into the woman who had lost her earring behind a headboard. She was coming out of the room that the ice machine was in carrying a bucket of ice. She gave me a big smile when she saw me.  
"Oh, hi! Thanks again for the other day. It was such a big help. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't been able to get that earring back," she gushed.  
"I'm happy to help and I'm pleased to see that you're back for another visit," I said. I watched her eyes slide to the side at my words.  
"This really is my favorite hotel," she said. "I checked out the Christmas sales in the plaza like you suggested. I found a beautiful coat and a present for my mother."  
"Oh that's wonderful," I replied and leaned in as I lowered my voice. "I'll tell you a secret. My friend manages the jewelry store and there's going to be a massive sale the two days before Christmas. If you're staying with us then, you should check it out."  
"Oh, I definitely don't want to miss that," she said. "Maybe I can arrange my schedule to make sure I'm here on at least one of those days."  
"I hope it works out for you," I said with a smile. "And I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay."  
A strange look passed over her eyes and her smile wavered for a moment before she forced and even bigger grin. I watched as she went into room 564 and I then headed for my office. Once there, I looked the room number up on the computer and got her name: Kitano Kinoshita. From there it was just a matter of clicking on her name to see the data that the system had collected on her throughout all of her stays at this Tres Spades and every Tres Spades in the world. Everything was saved in the system in order to provide the best possible service and to grant customer loyalty rewards.  
She'd only ever stayed in the Tokyo Tres Spades and she was definitely a prostitute. We'd learned about it in one of my classes in university, how women would rent hotel rooms for a period of time in order to prostitute themselves. Kitano Kinoshita met a lot of the criteria. She had stayed at the Tres Spades dozens of times, always for one to three days. Looking at her address, she was only two stops away on the train, so it made no sense for her to stay in the hotel so frequently. She could easily come and enjoy any of the hotel's amenities without booking a room. She didn't use the spa and she didn't gamble in the casino. She'd never used her keycard to get into one of the gyms or the pool. She _did_ request a lot of towels. Housekeeping staff had put a note into her file to stock her room with five extra towels for each day that she visited. That was a lot of towels.  
I backed out of her account and did a search on the word '_towels'_ left in the notes for guests. I cross referenced the guests that I found that requested a large number of towels with frequent stays at the hotel. I found four other women and one man who were also apparently using the Tres Spades as a place to turn tricks.  
Before I could investigate any further, I got a phone call asking me to come down to the front desk to help with a busload of guests checking in at the same time.

I went to the jewelry store again to have lunch with Olivia. As soon as I was there she pulled out a small case that had jewelry displayed on a cushion of satin. There were earrings, pendants, cufflinks, bracelets and bracelet charms, all of them featuring the Tres Spades logo.  
"Look at this," Olivia said with a big smile on her face. "Aren't they cute?"  
"They _are_ cute," I said. "The spade is such a cool shape, but you don't see it used very often."  
"I know, right? It's really sexy if you think about it," she said, gazing at the jewelry in the case. "And it's a good thing that the spade isn't used very often. It means that this Tres Spades jewelry will be special and unique. Everything was designed by Mio, he's a super famous jewelry designer."  
"That makes it even more special," I said. "I bet this is going to be very popular."  
"That's what I think," she said, pulling a piece of paper with colorful printing out of a file. "I'm working on a promotion that I want to do for the new Tres Spades logo jewelry and I wanted to see what you think before I present it at the next meeting."  
"Okay, tell me all about it," I said, accepting the sheet of paper.  
"Anyone who buys a piece of jewelry with the logo will be entered to win this bracelet," she said, pointing to a bracelet that had an alternating pattern: spade, diamond, spade, diamond. "I want to put a small flier in the welcome package for each room explaining the promotion."  
"That thing must cost a fortune with all those diamonds," I said, my eyes widening. "Have you done the numbers? Do you expect enough sales to make up for such an extravagant prize?"  
Olivia laughed, "Yes, of course! I know that I'm not a business mastermind. I had a consultant work with me on it. The numbers look great."  
"Then you should definitely present your idea at the next meeting," I said with a smile. "I'm sure you'll get approval to put fliers in the welcome package."  
"Awesome. This is my first big project and I want it to go really well," she said as she put the case of jewelry away. "But let's move on to other things. I want to know how your investigation is going."  
I felt my heart sink a little. I'd been putting off telling Olivia the bad news. It was really nice that she wanted to help Mamoru and I knew she was going to be very disappointed. "I'm sorry, but I had to stop the investigation," I explained. "It's the sort of thing where someone really powerful is involved in the crime. I could be in danger if I continue looking into Minami's murder."  
"What? So this person killed a detective and he's just going to get away with it?" Olivia asked in disbelief.  
"Yeah," I said with a sigh. "If Mamoru's depressed, that's probably why. The system can be really corrupt. That's enough to disillusion anyone."

That night I took a walk down to the beach to spend some time thinking about the apparent prostitute issue at the hotel. First of all, I wasn't even sure it was a problem. Eisuke Ichinomiya led an underground organization. From everything I'd seen, it was a fairly white collar affair, but it was entirely possible that the prostitutes that I'd uncovered worked for Eisuke.  
However, I had my doubts about that theory. If Kitano Kinoshita was using hotel rooms as an employee of Eisuke's - underground though that might be - she probably wouldn't have appeared shifty both times I spoke to her. Even if her occupation was discovered by hotel staff, she wouldn't get in trouble if she were working for Eisuke. There was essentially nothing for her to worry about.  
Would Eisuke even care that there were prostitutes using hotel rooms? They were paying for the rooms just like any other guest. Yes, prostitution was illegal, but with so many host and hostess clubs and soaplands, it was a crime that was never really punished. The only way that it could possibly hurt the hotel would be if someone discovered it and tried to make a big deal of it by putting some sort of expose in a newspaper or on a television show. The likelihood of that happening was very small indeed.  
Of course, if the prostitutes were looking for clients in the hotel, that might be a different story. While the Tres Spades featured a casino, it was still billed as a family hotel. Having prostitutes roaming the halls and venues at the hotel looking for clients could potentially damage the hotel's reputation. But if they were setting up appointments outside of the hotel and just meeting in hotel rooms, there was probably no danger that it would reflect poorly on the hotel.  
Whatever was going on, I was pretty sure that Eisuke would want to know about it. It seemed like he always wanted to have all of the information that he could get his hands on. He didn't like things happening without his knowledge. However, I wasn't sure of what was happening and I didn't want to bother Eisuke until I had some solid proof of what was actually going on. I knew that Eisuke would appreciate real facts rather than conjecture based on shifting eyes and towel usage.  
I was also concerned about Kitano. She seemed really nice. It wouldn't do her any good for me to interfere with her job unnecessarily. Although, I supposed that if worse came to worst, she'd probably just start using a different hotel. But Kitano hadn't just seemed nice. She'd been anxious or afraid or _something_ that just didn't sit right with me. Was she working for a scary pimp? If she got caught using the hotel rooms to turn tricks, would the pimp be mad at her and maybe react violently? If I could ask Kitano, what would she say to me? Would she tell me to leave her alone? Would she ask me to save her?  
There was really no telling. In the end I decided to try to run into Kitano a few more times. I would do my best to observe her and try to determine my best course of action. If I could gather more information, I'd be able to give a much better report to Eisuke when the time came.

There was a knock on my office door and as I turned around to call for the person to enter, Mamoru opened the door and stepped inside.  
"What are you doing here?" I didn't bother to hide my displeasure. It had been a long hectic day and all that I wanted was to fill out my online forms and finish my shift.  
"Hah. Nice to see you too, Honeybee," Mamoru said. "I've been missing you."  
I turned my back on him and went back to working on my forms. "I've got a lot to do. Don't you need to take a nap or something?"  
"Hmm. These offices are tiny. There isn't even room for a couch. Maybe I can curl up under your desk at your feet," he suggested.  
I had to stop myself from reflexively kicking out a foot at the idea of him under my desk. I bit my lip and reminded myself that he _liked_ it when I was rude to him. If that were really the case, the best way to get rid of him would be to be nice.  
"I really don't think there's enough room down there," I said sweetly. "There are bedrooms for staff in this hallway. Would you like to go take a nap in one of those?"  
"Ah, now. Don't do that. It's disappointing," he said. I could hear a bit of laughter in his voice. "Don't play the polite Chisato with me. Let me see your sting, Honeybee."  
I ignored him, my fingers flying over the keyboard as I rushed to finish my work. It probably took about twenty minutes and Mamoru stood silently behind me the entire time. When I was finished I turned off my computer and stood up.  
"I'm leaving," I said, reaching for my coat and purse.  
"I'm coming with you. Eisuke's given us another assignment," he said.  
I stared at him angrily for a moment. I wanted to tell him no but I couldn't. I wanted to yell at him but that would have just made him happy. I turned around and walked out of my office without a word. Mamoru quietly let out a "hah" and followed along behind me.

The next morning when a maid let me into the penthouse Mamoru wasn't in his chair by the window. I breathed a sigh of relief. He'd spent the previous evening eating snacks, smoking on the balcony and napping on my couch. He'd tried several times to bait me, but I'd ignored him, answering sweetly and focusing on our assignment. It had been exhausting, ignoring him when he tried to toy with me while investigating some loan shark after a long day at work. It came as a surprise that it was difficult for me to hold my tongue around him. Not because he was so very annoying, but because there was an anger in me and the only time it had been released was when I bickered with him.  
I'd known it was there, that anger and frustration that I pushed deep down and ignored so that I could go about my days being sweet, kind and polite. It was dangerous. If I let it out, it could destroy the things that I had worked so hard to build. But it came out effortlessly around Mamoru. It jumped out of my mouth and bounced off of him like rubber bullets. His lazy, careless lifestyle was the exact opposite of my life and it brought my anger rushing to the tip of my tongue. Which made him dangerous, especially since he _wanted_ me to vent my negative feelings on him.  
While I stared at his empty chair, I realized that a small part of me had wanted him to be there. It felt good to get a little bit of that anger out and he was a safe place to do that. I pressed my lips together as I thought about that. Was it okay to let go a little bit around him? To use him for a bit? Was it really dangerous - like uncorking a bottle of champagne and not being able to control what spewed out - or could I just let a bit out at a time, just easing things up a bit and making things more comfortable inside?  
With a quick shake of my head I turned to head up the stairs to the second floor. It wouldn't do it get off track and start thinking silly things. I was here to do a job and it was a _good_ thing that Mamoru wasn't there. Making a report to Eisuke on my own would get me one step closer to the point where he would allow me to do these investigations by myself. I didn't need Mamoru hanging around my apartment while I was trying to work.

"This looks good," Eisuke said. This time he'd actually flipped through the pages in the file that I'd handed him. "So, you recommend approving him as a seller in the auction?"  
"Yes, Sir," I replied.  
"Mamoru didn't come with you today?" he asked, his eyes unnecessarily intense.  
"He wasn't downstairs," I said.  
He gave a nod and sat back in his chair. "You destroyed your computer and got rid of all your data on Minami and Aida?" When I nodded he continued. "I'm probably going to open that case back up."  
"What? Why is that? It's too dangerous," I sputtered, shocked by his casual words.  
His eyes narrowed. "I don't like the idea that someone is too big for me to take down. Too dangerous for me to touch."  
I blinked at him. That was his reason? It didn't make sense. "Well, that's maybe not the best reason. And you couldn't touch Nikaido. I remember Olivia saying something about that…"  
My voice trailed off as he frowned at me. "He had my sister. Attacking him would have put her in danger. That isn't the case anymore." He raised an eyebrow and a chill went through me. He must be attacking Nikaido's yakuza.  
"I'm not going to go after Aida right away. I wanted to let you know my plans because you started this investigation. When I reopen, it will be your choice whether you want to join my team." His eyes watched me, adding up my slightest reaction.  
"Like Mamoru said, it's probably too dangerous," I said.  
He shrugged as if the danger meant nothing to him. "If you decide to join the team, I'll make sure you're protected. No need to worry about that. It will be interesting to take down such a big target, whether you join the team or not, you'll be a part of that victory."  
He spoke as if it were a forgone conclusion that he would win.

When I went back downstairs Mamoru was sitting on a couch with stacks of paper spread before him on the coffee table. "Ah, you're sneaky today. You went and gave the report without me. Did you try to convince Eisuke that you don't need me again?" he asked.  
My stomach turned guiltily. What would he say if he knew Eisuke was planning on reopening the Aida case? I was sure that he would be furious. I also knew that I couldn't tell him. Betraying Eisuke was definitely not an option.  
"I didn't bother wasting my time," I replied.  
"Come sit next to me," he said.  
"No." The word was automatic. I tried to take the sting out by adding an excuse. "I've got to get back downstairs."  
"Everything will be fine if you take a few more minutes." He patted the seat next to him. "Just come and sit here for a minute or two."  
He was scruffy and unkempt. Why did it feel a little tempting to sit next to him? Maybe I just wanted to get off my feet and relax for a bit. Maybe I was looking for an excuse not to return to work right away. I gave in and went and sat next to him.  
"What do you want?" I asked.  
He pulled a pen-like object out of the pocket inside his suit jacket and waggled it around. "This," he said. "It's an e-cigarette. It does have a scent, so I wanted to see if it bothers you. I got strawberry flavored. You like strawberries, don't you, Honeybee? The soap in your bathroom smells like strawberries."  
"I don't understand," I said with a frown.  
"You've seen these before, right?" He put it in his mouth, sucked in, and then released a puff of white smoke. It did smell like strawberries. "I can use this instead of smoking cigarettes since cigarette smoke bothers you."  
"That isn't really necessary-" I began, but he cut me off.  
"Look, Honeybee, I'm freezing my balls off on your balcony. It's only December, it'll get much colder in January. I need to protect myself," he said with his lazy smile. "And I should quit smoking. Right?"  
I licked my lips as I tried to digest everything that he'd said. "I'm sure it's a good thing to stop smoking-" I frowned. He was staring at my mouth. What the hell? He was _not_ thinking about kissing me. I stood up off the couch and walked a few steps away, eyeing him suspiciously. "And there's no reason to think you'll be coming to my apartment very often at all. The regular investigation team will be freed up as soon as they finish processing applications for the casino. That could be any time now."  
"I think I should be prepared to spend a lot of time at your apartment. Like I said, I like it there." His voice was far too suggestive. I backed up instinctively and bumped into a chair.  
"That's not…" My mouth moved but I couldn't find the words. What was I supposed to say to him? "I'm going back to work."  
I turned and took quick steps towards the front door.  
"Have a good day at work, Honeybee," his voice called after me. It was filled with a satisfied humor.

"Oh hi, Kitano," I said with a bright smile on my face. It was a week later and I'd run into Kitano _again_. I'd been watching her check-ins and check-outs on the computer and purposefully hung around the area where her room was in hopes of running into her. My strategy had worked. We'd met on several occasions and had a little chat each time. We'd even begun calling each other by our first names.  
I could tell that Kitano was getting used to seeing me and even enjoyed our conversations. Her eyes weren't as shifty when we spoke. Although there were times when our talks got too close to our personal lives and she would become fidgety and find a way to say goodbye as quickly as possible.  
Hanging around the area of her rooms, I'd even seen some of the men that must be her customers. Most of them were in their forties and fifties. Older men in business suits who looked quite well off. I decided that only made sense. It must be expensive to pay for the services of a woman who was staying in a hotel like the Tres Spades. Kitano had to be making so much money that she could consider a room at a luxury hotel a business expense.  
"Good morning, Chisato. How is work going?" Kitano asked.  
"So far so good," I answered. "We have a large group checking in this afternoon, so things will be really busy then."  
She gave a little laugh and said, "I hope things don't get too stressful for you." Her eyes shifted and she rocked side to side on her feet.  
I watched her with concern, wondering what the problem was. "Well, I'm getting used to the busy times. All I can do is focus on one guest at a time until it's all taken care of." I flinched inwardly as I realized that my new philosophy for dealing with mass check-ins could probably be applied to her job as well.  
"Ah, that's a good attitude. Umm, I was thinking," she blushed and her hand dipped into her purse and pulled out a pamphlet. "You might be interested in this? It's the church that I go to. It's sort of new. It's called the A.I.D. and I thought you might like to go to one of the open meetings. You're so nice and everyone there is really nice too."  
"That's really sweet of you," I said, accepting the pamphlet and glancing down at it. A picture of a large building with a heart shining above it was featured on the front cover. "I haven't been to church since I was a child."  
"It's not much like a regular church," she explained. "It really focuses on supporting and helping people. I was really stressed when I first moved to Tokyo since I come from a small town. A.I.D. helped me to adjust and get on my feet."  
"That sounds great," I said, noticing that she'd let it slip that she lived in Tokyo. I opened the pamphlet and saw that an entire page was taken up by a printed schedule. "So I can go to the open meetings? It looks like there's one this evening. Do I need to call someone before I go?"  
"Oh no, you can just show up," she said. "They'll be really happy to see you. They love new faces. It's so nice when more people join us. It's a way to spread the love and happiness."  
"That sounds so wonderful," I said, feeling suspicious about a '_new'_ religion. "As long as nothing comes up, I'll drop by this evening."

A knock sounded on my office door and I turned to see Mamoru stepping inside.  
"Hey there, Honeybee," he said with a smile.  
I couldn't help smiling back. I was feeling very good about Kitano inviting me to her church. I'd thought it was going to take forever to get to know her through quick conversations in the hotel's hallways. If I went to the church a few times, I should be able to get to know her better and figure out what was going on. Maybe not _everything_ that was going on, but enough to know whether I should report things to Eisuke or just let it go.  
"Hi, Mamoru. What can I do for you?" I asked.  
"Nothing much," he said, regarding me curiously. "You seem awfully happy today."  
"Things are going well this morning," I said.  
"What things?" he pulled the only other chair in the room over and sat down.  
"Just work things," I said with a shrug. "You don't want to hear about boring stuff like that."  
"I'm happy to hear that things are going well for you. It's nice to see you smile," he said. His eyes had captured mine and I could feel my heart thudding in my chest. "I don't mind listening to you talk about things like reports and charts and statistics. When something good happens to you, you need to share it."  
"Oh, well…" I pulled my eyes from his and looked at my desk. "It's just been a really smooth morning. Did Eisuke give us another assignment?"  
"Nah. I just got bored in the penthouse and wandered down here," he replied. "I thought you might be mean to me, but you're being nice and smiling at me. I can't decide which one I like better."  
'_He's flirting with me. No, he's _playing _with me,' _I thought, trying to make my heart stop pounding. I could feel my cheeks flushing. "I'm sure you have better things to do with your time," I said, refusing to meet his eyes. If I let myself look at him, it would seem like I was flirting back. Honestly, my comment should have come out sarcastic or snide, but I was in too good of a mood for anything negative to creep into my voice.  
"It's time for lunch, right?" he asked. "Will you let me take you out for lunch?"  
"Yes," I said. As soon as the word popped out of my mouth I wondered where it had come from. What was I thinking? Was I that susceptible to a little flirting that I would agree to go with a man that I didn't even like? Or was it that I'd been so unhappy lately that a little bit of happiness was going to my head and making me punch drunk?  
Whatever the reason, I'd said yes and it would be too rude to change my mind. It wouldn't hurt to have lunch with him. We were something like work colleagues after all. And even if he was flirting, I could enjoy it if I wanted to. I didn't have to let it go any further or behave too prudishly about it. That was something that my father would tell me to do. Nip all flirting and suggestive conversations in the bud. Well today I felt like letting things flow a little bit.

We walked to the little neighborhood behind the hotel and he took me to a ramen shop. When the waiter came he waved for me to order first and I only hesitated for a moment before ordering a bowl of extra spicy. He raised his eyebrows and ordered spicy for himself.  
"Can I taste a bite of your broth?" he asked when the waiter set bowls of steaming ramen in front of us. When I agreed he leaned over and filled his spoon with broth from my bowl and then tasted it cautiously. "Damn that's hot."  
I tasted the broth and smiled as I felt the hot sting in my mouth spreading through my veins. "I really like spicy food," I said and decided to keep talking. "My ex-fiance, he got really upset if I ordered spicy food. He couldn't handle anything spicy and it made him angry that I could eat it and he couldn't."  
"That ain't right, Honeybee," Mamoru said. "Your man should want to give you everything that you could possibly desire. Even a super spicy bowl of ramen."  
"Yeah, I think… I think I was really confused there for a while," I said, feeling the memories of what had happened start pulling me down.  
"Seven years," he said, his voice gentle. "That's a real long time to be confused."  
"Yeah. It was. I really missed this," I said, pulling a bite of ramen out of the bowl with my chopsticks. My heart was squeezing inside of me at the reminder of the huge mistake that I'd made.  
"Don't go getting sad on me now. I was just getting used to your smile. Extra spicy ramen is a cause for celebration. I'm going to order a plate of dumplings for us to share," he said, signalling the waiter. "Did you know that my family owns a sake brewery? Every year there's a big party with all of the employees and their families. One year some of the boys were challenging each other to see who could eat the most wasabi. My little brother Takeru ate so much that he got violently ill and my parents had to leave the party and take him to the hospital."  
"Wow. Did he like spicy food that much? Does he still eat wasabi?" I asked, letting him draw me out of my sadness.  
"He's more hard headed and determined than anything," Mamoru said. "And no, he doesn't eat wasabi anymore. Another time…"

He insisted on walking me back to my office. I didn't really put up much of a fight. I was surprised that we could get along so well. He was fun to talk to when he wasn't busy sleeping or purposefully annoying me. Once we were in my office he said, "Thanks for going to lunch with me. I had a good time."  
"Thank you for inviting me. I really enjoyed it," I said with a smile but stiffened when I saw his gaze drop to my lips. "Don't… Don't do that."  
"Don't what? Think about kissing you? I can't make a promise like that. But I won't kiss you now. You're at work and I'm sure it's against the rules." He tipped his head in a little bow and said, "I'll kiss you later, Honeybee," before turning and walking out of my office.  
I watched him disappearing down the hallway. My heart was pounding. Why did he want to kiss me? And why was I wondering what he would feel like and what he would taste like? I had to remind myself that he must be playing with me. He'd gotten bored up in the penthouse, just like he'd said. He thought it was funny to tease me and flirting and threatening to kiss me was just taking things a step further. He couldn't really want to kiss me. We barely knew each other and we had nothing in common. And I couldn't really be interested in kissing him either. My heart was pounding because he was annoying me, not because I was attracted to him.


	4. The AID

That evening after work I went to the open meeting at the A.I.D. Unlike the big fancy church on the front of the pamphlet that Kitano had given me, the local A.I.D. looked like any other office building. Behind the large plate glass windows I could see people milling around in a reception area and a motto was written in large letters on the glass: _Love is the Path to Peace_. I contemplated the words for a minute before opening the front door and stepping inside.  
A young woman stepped forward with a smile and held out her hand. "Good evening, welcome to the A.I.D. Is this your first time with us?"  
"Yes, it is," I said with a polite smile. "A woman that I recently met recommended that I stop by. Is that alright?"  
"Yes, of course it is." She hadn't let go of my hand and her fingers squeezed mine warmly. "We have open meetings twice a day, Sunday through Friday, to encourage people to drop in and learn about us. My name is Chou Haruka. I'm acting as the greeter today. Let me get someone to show you around."  
I glanced around while she signalled to someone across the room. The reception area or lobby was large. It had plenty of places for people to sit in small groups and talk. There were quite a few people milling around or sitting on the couches. Almost everyone seemed to be in their twenties or early thirties and they were all relaxed and smiling.  
A thin man with thick dark hair approached us with a smile. He was wearing a light pink suit jacket over a white dress shirt. "This is Reverend Nanao," Chou said. "He leads the congregation at this church."  
"It's nice to meet you," I said. "My name is Chisato Kurihara."  
"We're please to you have with us this evening, Chisato," Reverent Nanao said. "We still have time before the lesson begins. Would you like to learn a little more about the A.I.D.?"  
When I told him that I would he led me to another room. There was a large bookcase at one end of the room and a huge table surrounded by chairs filled the center of the room. The walls were covered with framed pictures.  
"This is our study room," Reverend Nanao explained. "It's a great place to start because we have all of these pictures here. The A.I.D. is built on one thing, and that thing is _love_. We believe that if only there were enough love in the world we could achieve world peace. By practicing and sharing love in our daily lives, we can find peace and joy in our hearts and spread that love to others."  
"Ah, that sounds very nice," I said. Nice and a bit simplistic, but was there anything wrong with keeping things simple?  
"We encourage our members - we can them apostles - to act with love each day. To go out of their way to do something helpful and kind for others. And as an organization we do the same thing," he walked over and pointed out a picture of a building with a large group of teenagers standing in front of it. "One of the ways the A.I.D. focuses on sharing love is by helping children and teenagers who are in need. Teenagers especially have a difficult time in general, but sometimes they are met with even more challenges than normal. We take in teens who are having trouble at home whether it's because they're having behavior issues, education issues or family issues. Sometimes they've lost both of their parents or a parent is remarrying and the child is no longer wanted."  
I looked at the teens in the picture. They were all wearing a uniform and smiling at the camera. "All of these children were having trouble?" I asked.  
"Oh, yes," he said. "And that's just one of our A.I.D. Second Chance Schools. We have many of them all around the country. Without the love, support and guidance that they find in our schools, these children would fall through the cracks. They'd lose their way and end up on drugs, involved in crime or even commit suicide. We let them know every day that they are special and important and we help them to build a successful future."  
I looked around. He was right. I could see several other pictures with groups of children or teenagers posed in front of large buildings.  
"Like I said, we encourage our members to focus on acts of love and kindness each day. We also encourage community service. Some of the pictures here commemorate a special act that one of our apostles has given to the world." He indicated a picture of a tall man with a big smile and flushed cheeks. He was surrounded by a small group of people. Everyone was smiling. "This is Brother Ouya. He worked very hard to raise the funds to build a small park in his neighborhood. His love and kindness benefitted so many people. He's a role model for us all."  
As the reverend continued talking and showing me around the church, I had to admit to myself that I was impressed. Everyone that I was introduced to seemed kind and happy and everyone made me feel welcome. I could see why Kinato, or anyone really, would want to be involved with such a positive group of people.  
After the tour Reverend Nanao gave a lecture about small kindnesses adding up to make a big difference. He was quick and to the point, he didn't belabor things with too many examples or needless recounting of the main idea. Afterwards there as a 'Sharing Ritual' that began with Reverend Nanao asking if anyone wanted to share something kind they'd done recently.  
A man stood up and said, "I'm Brother Yukiya. Yesterday morning I ran into one of my neighbors while I was taking out the trash. I could tell just by looking at her that she was really upset. It turned out that her little boy was sick but she really needed to go to work. I had the day off so I offered to watch her son for her. I felt good helping her and her son. At the end of the day she admitted that she was worried she'd be fired if she missed work on such an important day. I'm glad I could make a real difference in her life."  
There was a round of applause when he finished speaking and people called out things like, "great job" and "be the difference, Brother". Reverend Nanao told Yukiya that he was proud of him. After Yukiya sat down, several other people took turns talking about the helpful things they had recently done for others.  
After that Reverend Nanao asked if there was anyone in the room who needed help or support. A woman stood up and said that she was having trouble deciding if she should move at the end of her lease and she'd appreciate someone to talk to and give her advice. A man said that his girlfriend had broken up with him and he could use a shoulder to cry on. A young man said that he'd like some advice about buying a new suit for a job interview and wanted to know if someone would go shopping with him.  
There was at least one response to every request for help. A woman was studying to get her real estate license and offered to help the woman who was considering moving. Several people offered to go with the brokenhearted young man after the meeting and commiserate over a few drinks. Reverend Nanao himself said that he knew a guy from university who owned a shop that sold suits and he was sure he could even get the young man some advice and a discount.

I left the A.I.D. feeling relaxed and happy and even a little excited. I had no trouble understanding why someone would want to join the church. I did wonder about Kitano. She was doing a job that could easily be seen as distasteful. Had she ever asked for help and support from the other apostles to find her way out of her job? I knew that there must be people who prostituted themselves and thought nothing of it, but Kitano didn't strike me as one of those people. The way her eyes shifted at times told me that she was not brazening it out, she was at least somewhat ashamed of what she was doing or at the very least uncomfortable with it.  
It certainly wouldn't hurt to keep going back to the church for a while. If I started running into Kitano there, we could deepen our friendship and I might be able to learn more about what she was doing at the Tres Spades. It was the best plan that I had and I was just going to go for it.  
When I let myself into my apartment it felt hollow for the first time. I dropped my keys into the little dish on the table near the front door and heard the jangling sound echo through the empty room. Not just heard, I felt it. I had never noticed it before but the fact that I was alone suddenly hit me hard. I felt unexpected tears pressing at the back of my eyes.  
What was this? Where had it come from? I'd been living alone for over three months, first at my old apartment and now here at my new one. Before this moment I had been at most vaguely aware that I was alone and it had often been a good feeling. It had been nice to only take care of myself and not to have to worry about doing dozens of little things to make Hinata happy. I had felt independent and free, on the brink of a new life that I got to be in charge of.  
So what was this? Was is something about being at the A.I.D and seeing people supporting each other so positively that had suddenly made my own life seem empty? But that didn't make sense. I had friends, people who supported me, people that I shared my life with. But weren't they all involved in their own lives now? They had boyfriends and husbands, kids and careers. I'd been one of them just a minute ago, but now I was alone.  
I was supposed to be restarting my life, figuring things out, going after what I wanted. Instead I was losing myself in the day to day of work and life. Allowing myself to be buried under schedule and routine. Days could turn into months could turn into years if I kept this up. I really did want and need to discover what I really wanted from my life. It wouldn't be easy, but it felt like the A.I.D. might help me.  
If I was going to look for a new focus for myself, something so positive was almost certainly a great way to go.

I ducked a punch, dropping low and then shooting upwards with all my might, aiming a punch at the jaw of the man attacking me. My hand bounced off a thick layer of padding, but Sensei was quick to say, "Great job. You moved quickly and your aim is good. Hitting someone under their chin like that is very painful. It's a good way to get your attacker's focus off of you and onto himself."  
"Thanks," I said, smiling as I backed away and Sakiko stepped up to take her turn.  
"I don't know how realistic it is to think that someone is going to throw a punch at us," Olivia commented as I wiped the sweat off my face. "It seems more likely that they would grab us from behind or point a gun at us."  
"Yeah, but we've already practiced being grabbed from behind so many times," I said. "And some of those things we learned, if they actually work it wouldn't surprise me at all if a guy's next move is to start throwing punches."  
"Yeah, but it's the gun thing that I'm worried about," she said. "We need to start learning to shoot again so I can carry a gun to protect myself."  
"But it's against the law to own a gun," I said. "It might be a really bad idea to carry one."  
"She's right," Sensei said, blocking Sakiko's attack and knocking her back. "Try that again, Sakiko. And statistically speaking, you're much more likely to hurt a loved one or yourself with a gun, not an attacker."  
"Those statistics are for _normal_ people. I'm sure they don't apply to people who are _actually_ in danger of being kidnapped," Olivia argued. "And I really don't know how anyone would know that I have a gun in my purse. It isn't like I'm going to be stopped by the police."  
I sighed. Even though Olivia had a member of the police force hanging out in her living room on a daily basis, he wouldn't care if she was toting around a bazooka.  
"Ugh, enough of this," Sakiko moaned, collapsing onto the mat and covering her face with her arms. "Soryu wore me out last night. I seriously don't have the strength for this."  
"I guess we'll finish early today then," Sensei said, obviously feeling uncomfortable because Sakiko was alluding to sex. "See you ladies tomorrow morning."  
Olivia laughed and reached out a hand to help Sakiko off the floor. "Let's go get coffee since we'll have some extra time before we need to be at work. I'm going to do my presentation at the meeting this morning, Chisato. I want to go over it with you to see what you think."  
"Sounds good," I said. I could use another coffee. I'd had trouble sleeping the night before after my attack of loneliness.

A few hours later I sat in the meeting room sending Olivia encouraging vibes as she walked up to stand behind the podium. It was obvious that she was nervous, but she was doing her best to be professional as she began her presentation.  
"Next month _Olivia's_ will be premiering a new line of jewelry featuring the Tres Spades logo. The entire line was designed by the famous jewelry designer, Mio, and we expect that it will be very popular…"  
While Olivia spoke, her voice growing stronger as she gained more confidence in herself, I looked around the room at the men who were sitting in the room. I was surprised to see that some of them were frowning darkly at my friend. I looked back up at Olivia, she was still smiling and speaking well. I wondered if she was ignoring the frowning men or if she just wasn't focusing in on the faces around her.  
"Hold on a minute." A voice interjected, loud and impatient. I turned around to see one of the directors looking at Olivia angrily. "You want to put a flier in the welcome basket? Isn't this just a waste of time and resources? I know you don't have any experience as a manager, so it's time that you learn. You can't just throw together an idea and expect us to approve it. You've got to have real numbers to back it up."  
I turned to look at Olivia, but another voice was already speaking up. The manager of transportation was shaking his head and looking disgusted. "The guests don't come to this hotel so that we can throw advertisements at them. If we approve this the welcome basket will be loaded with fliers from every shop, restaurant and amenity we have."  
"I understand your concern." My eyes flew back to Olivia, her voice was strong and even tinged with a little anger. She used to be a bit meek when she was one of the housekeeping staff, but she'd been dealing with Eisuke Ichinomiya for months. I'd seen her talk back to him more than once. These men had no hope of intimidating her.  
"Here are the numbers," she said, skipping through a few slides on her powerpoint to show a breakdown of figures for her promotion. "As you can see, this idea is solid and well worth the investment of time and money."  
I looked around the table to see that a lot of the men were nodding and seemed satisfied by the data that Olivia was showing them. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief. It wouldn't do for Olivia to be crushed the first time she tried to initiate a project in the hotel.  
"And as for the ads that are put in the welcome basket, it's already standard for there to be coupons for the ice cream parlor and the pizza place, as well as announcements for events going on in the hotel. And it isn't out of the ordinary for special sales or promotions at the restaurants and shops to be advertised with a flier in the welcome basket," Olivia pointed out. "I'm not asking for anything that isn't already a standard practice at this hotel."  
Olivia continued her presentation without any more interruptions and when it was finished her idea was approved without any debate.  
When the meeting was dismissed Hanaori leaned closer and said, "Looks like your friend has a couple of enemies. It doesn't make any sense to target the boss's girlfriend. Those men are going to end up with a target on their backs."  
"Yeah, I think you're right," I said, looking over to where the director who had questioned Olivia was talking with a few other men. "But one of them was a director."  
"Makes no difference," Hanaori replied. "Ichinomiya's above them all. Only a fool would think they're safe because they have the word director in their title. Well, hello young lady," he said with a smile as Olivia approached us. "You did a fine job for your first presentation. More than fine, you took down your adversaries like a pro. And I love the new jewelry. I'll have to buy a couple of pieces for my wife and daughter."  
"Thanks so much," Olivia said with a smile and then turned to me. "What did you think Chisato?"  
"I think you did amazing. You're really turning into a tiger." I leaned forward and dropped my voice. "How long do you think it will be before Eisuke finds out those guys were attacking you during your presentation?"  
"Are you kidding? He probably knew instantly," she said with a shake of her head. "I'm lucky he's in Roppongi today or he'd probably have come in here and interrupted my presentation."  
"Well that was definitely not necessary. You handled yourself very well. I'm proud of you and I'm sure Eisuke will be too," I said with a smile.  
"Yeah," Olivia said, her cheeks flushing. "He's definitely going to be proud of me."

That afternoon I popped into my office to update information on an important international guest that had checked in earlier. The man was a frequent guest at Tres Spades hotels all over the world. I'd read through the man's guest data earlier, but I wanted to check it again to ensure that I wasn't making a mistake.  
And I wasn't. The man was definitely traveling with a woman who was not his wife. This made all of the notes that had been taken on the wife's preferences useless. I reviewed everything that I'd noticed about the man's companion while they were checking in. She was young and it seemed like she wasn't particularly familiar with international travel. From the way she had clung to the man's arm with wide eyes, it was a good guess that she was feeling out of her element. The man would be spending his days in meetings and normally his wife would have been getting in-room spa treatments and shopping. Would his companion feel comfortable doing those things, or would she hide in their suite all day, afraid to go out?  
I chewed on my lower lip as I thought about the situation. As a new concierge I wasn't completely sure of the right thing to do, but that didn't matter too much. The guest was staying on one of the upper floors and that meant that someone with more experience was responsible for taking care of him and his mistress. I called the concierge on duty on the upper floors and shared the situation. I also suggested that I thought it would be a good idea to offer the young woman a guide who spoke French as a companion when the man was busy. The other concierge let me know that was an excellent idea and thanked me for noticing the man wasn't traveling with his wife.  
I stood up and stretched, happy to have handled the situation well and ready to get back out into the hotel. As I turned towards the door a knock sounded and Mamoru stepped into my office.  
"Hi. What's up?" I said with a smile. I was filled with a warm satisfaction at having done a good job. The possibility that Eisuke had assigned us another investigation poked at the edges of my bubble of happiness, but I wasn't going to let it pop.  
He was walking towards me and his tall body just kept coming. I took a few steps back in confusion until my back hit the wall behind me. My eyes flitted from his arms that blocked me in on either side to his chest that loomed near and up to his face. His eyes were on my mouth. My heart flipped and my breath caught in my throat.  
"You've been biting your lip," he said, his voice low.  
"_Mamoru! What are you doing? Let me go!"_ I snapped, frowning up at him as I tried to suppress the warm anticipation that was bubbling up in my chest.  
"There it is. That's what I'm looking for," his voice was huskier, low and sexy. "I love it when you get mad at me."  
His head descended towards mine in slow motion but I was frozen. I couldn't speak anymore and I couldn't move to push him away. His tongue licked over my lower lip before he sucked it into his mouth and continued playing his tongue over it. He moved in closer, his warmth surrounding, flooding me as an answering heat flickered awake inside of me.  
He released my lip and his tongue delved into my mouth to stroke over my tongue and explore my mouth. It felt too good. Hot and comforting and titillating all at the same time. My hands fisted at my sides. I wanted to touch him but I still had enough presence of mind to control myself or at least my hands. My tongue rubbed over his, tasting him, setting off sparks of desire that shivered through me.  
He broke off the kiss and looked down at me, both of us puffing in air. He was so handsome. I'd always been trying to avoid acknowledging it by focusing on his scruffy appearance, but I was drawn to the lines of his face, the curve of his lips, his sleepy-sexy eyes.  
Without giving myself a chance to think about it, I tipped my face up. I wanted more. His mouth met mine and this time we both moved with a little more urgency, our tongues sliding and searching. He moved even closer and I pressed myself against him. My breasts were aching to be touched, my fingers wanted to creep up under his shirt and touch his bare skin but I knew that I shouldn't do any of that. I knew that I shouldn't be kissing him at all. I was at work, things were going too far, too fast and we didn't even have that kind of relationship. But I couldn't stop, it just felt too good. I wanted to melt into him. The warmth, the feel of someone so close to me and the pleasure of his kiss, I didn't want it to end.  
He pulled his lips from mine again. I looked up at him, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes were gleaming. My head was spinning but I grasped weakly for the willpower to push him away. My mind said that I couldn't let this go on but my body only wanted his mouth back.  
"You look amazing," he said, reaching up a thumb and stroking it over my lips. "You're not what you look like. You're not what you seem. You keep showing me glimpses of the real you and it keeps me coming back for more. I want to figure you out. I'm going to get you, Chisato, and when I do I'm going to mess you up."  
He leaned down again, his dark eyes focused on my mouth, but I was already moving. The word '_mess'_ had sent an intense wave of panic through me. I pushed him away with a great shove. I'd been a hair's breadth from falling back on my self defense training and kneeing him in the groin.  
He wasn't expecting me to push him away, certainly not with a sudden burst of all of my strength. He flew backwards, struggling to find his balance. I only saw him staggering back out of the corner of my eye. I was already moving, running, throwing my office door open and fleeing him and what we had done as quickly as I could.

I didn't look back and I didn't stop until I'd run up two flights of stairs and shut myself into the housekeeping supply room on the fifth floor. I buried my face in my hands, trying to calm myself down. My heart was racing from the kiss, from the shock, from running to my hiding place. My mind was racing with self recrimination. What had I done? Why had I done it? Was I that easy?  
I'd let Mamoru kiss me. I shouldn't have allowed myself to be caught off guard. I'd noticed him looking at my mouth a couple of times. He'd even admitted that he wanted to kiss me, but he'd said that he wouldn't do it in my office. I should have been wary around him, I shouldn't have let myself relax. I should have taken him as a serious threat instead of brushing aside the things that he'd said and done.  
I'd thought that he was just playing with me, just goofing around. Before this Hinata had been the only man who had ever paid any attention to me. It just didn't seem possible that Mamoru had really wanted to kiss me, especially since we didn't know each other very well and didn't exactly get along. The things he'd said about liking it when I was mean to him and about wanting to see the real me, they just didn't make sense to me.  
I felt a pang deep in my stomach as it dawned on me that not only did I think it was incomprehensible that Mamoru was interested in someone being mean to him, I also thought it was impossible for him to want the real me. The real me was something that was supposed to be hidden away because it wasn't good enough to be loved. The realization was painful, it was tearing into me. It wasn't like the idea was completely foreign to me. I'd known all along that I was striving to do everything right, to be the perfect person, first to keep my father and then to keep Hinata. But the depth of my fear, the strength with which I knew that my own true self was unlovable, was a shock.  
I was awash in sadness, to think that there was such a horrid belief lying deep inside of me. It seemed that I had been broken all along and just hadn't been aware of it. The loneliness that had surfaced the night before came back with a walloping force. I was facing an enormous personal crisis all alone, hiding in a supply closet at work. I thought of my friends, people who I could call and talk things over with, but that didn't seem to be an option. How could I tell them that the person that they'd known all along was just a fake? How would they respond if I opened up and let out an ocean of ugliness?  
A group of guests walked by in the hallway outside the supply closet. Loud and laughing, having fun. It reminded me that I was still at work, that I had things to do and crying about my personal problems was not one of them. I had to pull myself together and get on with my day, but I was determined to do something positive for myself. I'd go back to the A.I.D. church after work.


	5. Steps in the Wrong Direction

"Hi, Chisato right? Welcome back." The same woman who had greeted me at the A.I.D. church the day before was working as the greeter again. She was smiling happily at my return.  
"Thank you," I said. "I was really impressed by what I saw yesterday. I'm surprised that I haven't heard of the A.I.D. before."  
"Well, we do accept people who walk in off the street, but we don't missionize as much as other religions do," she explained. "We encourage our apostles to be careful about who they invite to meetings. We want to make sure that everyone is like minded and has the same intentions. In a place where everyone is encouraged to be kind and giving, the wrong person can really take advantage of our members."  
"That makes a lot of sense," I said. "Reverend Nanao mentioned yesterday that there's literature about the process to become an official member?"  
"Oh, of course. It's so nice to see that you're interested in becoming one of us," she said, turning to look around the room. "Brother Ryouma? Can you take Chisato to get the membership packet?"  
"Hi, Chisato. It's really great to see you back," the man named Ryouma said with a smile and led me into a little room where he handed me a large manila envelope. "The acceptance and initiation process are pretty long and involved. Don't let that intimidate you. They're just trying to weed out the people who are half-hearted or only looking for a handout. Just keep coming to meetings and put in a little effort and you'll get there before you know it."  
"Thank you for the advice," I said and accepted the envelope. It was heavier than I had imagined. The application process was certainly going to be more intense than just filling out my basic information.  
"After the meeting tonight we're going next door to have tonkatsu," he said. "We'd love for you to join us. And every Saturday morning we have a brunch. It's always a lot of fun."  
"That does sound like fun," I said, deciding to just go for it. "I'd love to join everyone after the meeting. It'll be a good chance to get to know everyone better and I'll do my best to make it to the brunch."  
A tone sounded calling us to the meeting. I let myself relax as I walked with Brother Ryouma to the meeting room. I wasn't here to investigate anything. I'd checked out the A.I.D. and now it was just a matter of waiting to run into Kitano at the church. I was going to focus on the people here and their kindness. I wouldn't think about anything stressful or worry about anything. My past was my past and my future just needed to be filled with something positive.  
It seemed like I had found something very positive when I'd walked into the A.I.D. Reverend Nanao introduced a woman from a Kyoto branch who talked about the work their church was doing with the elderly in their area. She seemed so happy and proud to be making a difference in so many lives.  
For a few minutes I was distracted by my own thoughts. I'd spent the last eight years focusing on taking care of Hinata, making life too easy for him, spoiling him like a king. What if I had put that energy into helping people who had really needed it? I could have made a real difference. Yes, I'd been successful at internet sleuthing and even helped to identify a serial killer, but that had been on the edges of everything else. In secret because Hinata and my father would never have approved of a woman engaging in something so unsavory.  
The years of my adult life seemed to be more of a waste than ever. Not only had I spent them on a doomed relationship, I'd missed countless opportunities to do so much good in the world. The thought was painful, but I reminded myself that I had my entire future ahead of me. I could make sure that I didn't waste anymore time or effort. I could stop wallowing in self pity and spinning my wheels. I'd get started on the A.I.D. membership packet just as soon as I got home and I'd make sure that I made it to the brunch. I wouldn't miss a single chance to move forward.  
I shook my head to clear my thoughts and focused back in on the meeting. The Sharing Ritual had begun and a woman was talking about helping a coworker who was overburdened. When she finished I joined the others in applauding and telling her "good job". I decided that I needed to start looking for opportunities to do things to help people on a day to day basis. I didn't have to start with something big. I wanted to have something to share every time I came to the A.I.D., even if I didn't actually speak up.  
When Reverend Nanao asked if anyone needed help or support a man raised his hand and said that he was a chef and he'd learned that morning the restaurant where he worked was going to close down. I raised my hand immediately and told him that the hotel kitchens at the Tres Spades were hiring as well as one of the on site restaurants. It felt so nice to see the way the man's face relaxed a little and became hopeful when he heard about a job opportunity. It really did feel good to make even the smallest difference.

I let myself into my apartment later that night. I'd gone to the pork cutlet restaurant with nearly two dozen of the apostles from the church. I'd gotten to know them a bit and I was happy with everything that I'd learned. Everyone seemed so caring, giving and happy. It was what I wanted for myself and I was beginning to believe that the A.I.D. had what I was looking for wrapped up in a neat little package.  
I moved with quick, efficient movements, trying to ward off the loneliness that had struck me the night before by keeping busy and focusing on getting myself ready for bed. At some point, stepping out of the bathroom in the wake of a yawn, I caught sight of my couch and Mamoru forced his way into my head. I'd fought for hours to keep him out of my thoughts. I didn't want to remember what we'd done. I was ashamed of myself and confused by my behavior.  
I felt tears rise up and press against the back of my eyes. My father had always said that women were weak and unable to control their impulses. Was that what had happened? I had to admit to myself that I found Mamoru attractive. Part of my disgust at his slothlike behavior was due to the incongruity of such a handsome man wasting his life lying around his friend's apartment. And a lot of the anger that I directed at him was a defense against my attraction.  
But it didn't matter how attractive I found him, I shouldn't have responded to his kiss. We hadn't done anything to get to know each other. We'd never gone on a date or spent any quality time together. I could only imagine that he'd grown bored up in the penthouse and decided to come downstairs and mess with me.  
_Mess._ The word scratched at my bones and filled me with panic. There was nothing that man could do except mess up my life. I wasn't interested in a cheap affair and I was even less interested in a real long term relationship with a man who spent his days sleeping. I was just getting my life back on track after my breakup with Hinata. I was still trying to figure so many things out. I did not need some careless man messing around with me and messing everything up.

The next afternoon there was a knock at my office door and I turned my head with a frown to see Mamoru opening the door. I jumped to my feet and took a firm stance. There was no way I would allow him to push me against a wall this time.  
"What are you doing here?" I snapped.  
"Nothing in particular. I just thought I'd come down and see you," he said lazily, his eyes holding mine. I could see laughter in their depths. He thought all of this was funny.  
"I'm not here to amuse you. I've got a job to do. Go back up to the penthouse," I said, not trying to hide my anger. I had to keep him away from me. The sight of him, his hair tousled and his lips curved into a smile, was unexpectedly tempting. I'd thought about this, I knew that he wasn't right for me, but a part of my mind was replaying our kiss and wanting more. If I let him get close, I wouldn't be able to trust myself at all.  
Just as I should have expected, he smiled at my show of anger. "Let's go out to dinner tonight, Honeybee. I want to spend more time with you."  
"_No,"_ I said firmly, ignoring the little thrill of excitement that flared in my chest at his invitation. "I've got plans and even if I didn't, I still wouldn't go with you."  
"What sort of plans?" he asked. His tone reminded me of the night that he'd asked Hinata so many questions. He was a detective looking for information.  
"I'm going to church," I said, staring at him. Church sounded good, serious and upright. Nothing at all like kissing a near stranger with my back pressed against a wall. "Go away."  
"I love it when your eyes flash like that, but I'll go," he said, his eyes dropping to my lips. "I'll expect twice the amount of kisses next time. Since you're being so prickly today."  
"_There isn't going to be a next time,"_ I threw after him, glaring at his back as he left my office.  
I looked down at my hands and realized that I was shaking. I felt as if I was looking at myself from afar, seeing things that I'd never expected to see. I was overwrought with conflicting emotions. I _did_ want him, even more than I had guessed, but I couldn't give into him. A relationship would be destined to fail and sure to destroy me. I'd just suffered through the breakup of my engagement, I couldn't pile a doomed relationship on top of that.  
And it seemed like Mamoru probably was looking for a relationship. He'd asked me to go to dinner with him and the other day he'd taken me out for lunch. I'd thought that he was just bored and looking for a way to kill time but what if he'd been thinking of it as a date? All of those times that he'd said he liked it when I was mean to him, had he been _flirting?_ Was it really possible that I'd been seeing him as an annoyance and he'd seen me as a potential girlfriend?  
The idea seemed ridiculous, but nothing else made sense. If I looked at things through a different set of eyes, I could see him complimenting me, gazing into my eyes, staring at my lips. All of those things added up, didn't they? I had almost no experience with flirting. There'd only been Hinata and he was too serious to flirt. Had I been missing special signals since the beginning?  
Things were piling up but I needed to knock them down. It didn't matter if Mamoru was interested in me _like that_. It also didn't matter if I was attracted to him. And it was irrelevant if it hurt to push both of our feelings aside. The important thing was that Mamoru was a guaranteed fail. He was a disaster of a human being. Allowing things to go any further would be the same as registering for a heaping dose of heartache and pain.

When I stepped into the A.I.D. church the next morning it felt as if a healing balm had been poured over me. I'd been to three evening meetings and the tonkatsu dinner on Thursday night. Everything was starting to feel familiar and people were looking at me differently. They'd always been smiling and friendly, but now there was the added warmth of recognition. When I entered the church it felt like I was leaving all of my worries and stresses behind and stepping into a different world.  
A large room on the second floor had been set up for the regularly scheduled Saturday brunch. Since it was the weekend, there were a lot of people in attendance that I had never seen before. In fact, I was surprised by how many members there were. I'd had no idea that there were so many apostles at this branch of the A.I.D. As I walked into the room, many of the people that I knew began to call out greetings to me and Brother Ryouma pointed to a seat at a large table where some of the people that I knew from the evening meetings were sitting.  
It felt really good to be welcomed. I made a plate and had a seat in the chair that Ryouma had pointed out. Everyone at the table said good morning to me and included me in a conversation they were having about New Year's. It seemed that they spent every New Year's Eve at the church working all night on a community service project. They kept kits of supplies for anyone in the community who was struggling financially at the church. The kits were often handed out to the homeless, single mothers, the elderly or anyone who needed help. New Year's Eve was when members came together to assemble the kits for the upcoming year.  
"It's not all work," Brother Ryouma explained. "There are so many of us that we work in short shifts. The rest of the time we hang out and eat good food."  
"And play games," one of the women added. "There's always a mahjong tournament."  
"I love mahjong," I said with a smile. "And I'd love to help. Count me in."

As I was putting on my coat and getting ready to leave I spotted Kitano walking towards me.  
"Good morning, it's great to see you here," she said happily.  
"Hi, it's so nice to see you, too," I replied. "I've been hoping to bump into you. I wanted to thank you for recommending the A.I.D. to me. I really love it here."  
"You're so welcome. I thought that you were just the sort of person to be interested in the A.I.D. message. Are you going to the station?" When I nodded she said, "Let's walk together then."  
Out on the sidewalk I made the decision to bring up the prostitution thing. It would probably take some time before I would be able to talk to her one-on-one in a private place. The relative anonymity of the city street would have to do if I wanted to take care of things quickly and get rid of one more worry.  
"I know that it's none of my business but I think I know why you stay at the hotel so frequently," I said, keeping my voice gentle.  
She gave me a quick look and then frowned and turned her eyes away. "I guess I should have known that you'd figure it out."  
"I don't think it's a big deal. I just wanted to make sure that you're okay," I said. "If you needed some kind of help or-"  
"What are you talking about?" she asked, her voice angry. "Why would I need help? You just said that you love the A.I.D. Why would you be questioning my work for them?"  
I was shocked by her answer. She was there for the church? Had I completely misinterpreted things? "I'm sorry. I guess I'm a little confused. There were just times when you seemed a little anxious and I wanted to make sure that you're okay."  
"You know that the A.I.D. is all about spreading love," she said. She was still angry and going on the offensive. "And I'm sure you've guessed right about what I'm doing at the Tres Spades, but I'm doing it for the church. When women become cold and don't love and care for their husbands anymore, those men have a difficult time."  
My mind was struggling to keep up after the bombshell she'd dropped. She was prostituting for the _church?_  
"The men who come to see me are very important men. They run businesses or work in the government. The work they do on a daily basis affects millions of lives. If I can share some of my love with them, that love will be passed on to countless people," she explained as if everything she was saying made perfect sense. "It may not always be easy, but it is a true sacrifice and gift to the church. I'm paid a good salary for doing such important work and the rest of the money goes to the church so that even more good can be done."  
We'd reached the station and she turned to glare at me.  
"I understand," I said, not knowing what else to say. "I apologize. I'm new to the church and this seems pretty advanced. I'd never even thought. I just wanted to help you if you needed help."  
"Well, I don't," she said. "Don't interfere with my work and don't bring this up again."  
I watched her turn and walk away as I tried to fully comprehend what she'd just said to me. She was prostituting herself to rich and powerful men in order to spread love in the world? The idea was preposterous. How could any rational human being believe or defend that sort of thing? Is this what the A.I.D. was really about? They were helping troubled teens and the elderly and men who weren't getting enough sex at home? It didn't make a bit of sense.  
I started walking, carried along by the crowd to my train. It was time that I went home and did some real research on the A.I.D. Apparently a tour and a few meetings was not enough. There was a dark side to the church and I needed to find it.

That evening I sat shaking in front of my computer. I hadn't found a dark side to the church, I'd found an entire dark world. Not only was prostituting for the church common, it seemed that it was also the norm for apostles to have sex with senior members of the church in order to help '_refill their stores of love'_. Apparently the reason there were no open meetings besides brunch on Saturdays was because Saturday night was reserved for a members only orgy.  
While the use of church members for sex was disturbing, things just got worse as I dug deeper into the church. It was essentially a cult controlled by a well-placed criminal organization. There was the usual drug smuggling and money laundering but the worst thing was the Second Chance Schools that were supposed to be helping troubled teens and even younger children. They were grooming those kids for the sex industry and even selling some of them as sex slaves.  
Over the last few years several of the children had escaped and gone to the police. There were even a few adults who had escaped and come forward with stories about being forced to work as prostitutes or in the porn industry. Their reports and stories had been buried. The people themselves had disappeared. It was no use for them to try to seek help. When they did they were eliminated.  
The official head of the A.I.D. church was Shin Aida. He hadn't just had Minami killed and he wasn't just involved in a drug ring. His crimes went far beyond that. He was even more dangerous than I'd ever imagined.  
I bent down and pulled the wires from the back of my computer tower. It was time to go and throw it into the ocean with my last computer. I'd make a report to Eisuke on Monday. I wondered what he'd do. He'd been planning on reopening the Aida investigation even though it would be playing with fire. What would he do when it went from playing with fire to setting off a nuclear bomb?

The next day I met my father for lunch. It was our tradition to meet for a meal once a month in order to catch up. My father's idea of '_catching up'_ was grilling me for an hour about every aspect of my life. It had been easier when Hinata and I had been dating and he'd been available to come with me. My father would spend most of the time talking to Hinata and ignoring me. Now that my engagement had ended, my father was worse than ever. He'd shown up to the meal with a file folder of marriage prospects.  
"All of these men work at Top Ocean Foods and I know many of them personally," my father said pulling a small stack of papers out of the folder. They looked like job applications with a picture of each man glued to the top corner of every page.  
"Father, don't you think this is too soon?" I asked. "It's only been a few months since Hinata and I broke up."  
"You're not getting any younger and there's no sense wasting any time. If you're left to your own devices you're bound to make poor decisions," he said, narrowing his eyes at me. "Hinata said there was a very suspicious man at your apartment when he went to get his cd's."  
I clenched my fists in my lap. Why were my father and Hinata still talking to each other? "That man wasn't suspicious," I said defending Mamoru even though he didn't deserve it. "He's a police detective. He was at my apartment for work. I told Hinata that."  
"I fail to see why a concierge would need to meet with a detective at all, let alone in her own home," my father said pointedly.  
'_God, why me?_' I purposefully relaxed the fists that were wrinkling my skirt. "Sometimes there are crimes that happen at the hotel. It's a little complicated and I'm not allowed to talk about it since it's a police investigation thing," I said evasively.  
My father was glaring at me. He definitely didn't believe me. "You're in a higher class now that you're a concierge instead of just a chambermaid," my father said. "You'll be able to marry someone with a better job and income than Hinata. It's probably a blessing that he broke up with you. You'll get a better husband now."  
"That's not-" I closed my eyes and told myself to stop arguing. I knew that I wasn't supposed to be talking back to my father. It would just make him angry and I'd have to submit to even more instructions about how to live my life.  
"These three men are my first choices," my father said, separating three sheets from the stack and indicating that he'd marked each of them with a checkmark in the corner. "They are currently in the highest positions and have the most chances for continued promotions. Would you prefer that I set up meetings with all three of them or would you like to select one to meet first?"  
I stared down at the papers but my eyes had blurred with tears. I couldn't let my father bully me into meeting these men. Where would it end? How would I put a stop to it? If I didn't figure out how to speak up and make him listen to me, I might end up marrying some man based on his income. I didn't want that at all. I didn't want to find a husband by looking through a pile of papers given to me by my father. I wanted to do it naturally.  
But should I even be allowed to select a husband on my own? Maybe my father was right? I'd chosen Hinata and now I was attracted to Mamoru. I obviously had horrible taste. I'd been looking for something positive to base my future on and ended up choosing a nightmare cult. Maybe I didn't have what it takes to figure things out on my own. I felt depression and defeat well up inside of me.  
"Can I just…" I took a deep breath. I knew I was taking a step in the wrong direction. I shouldn't let my father think that I'd go along with his plan. I shouldn't be thinking that picking a husband from a folder would be an easy way out. "Can I take the folder home with me and read over the information sheets?"  
"Of course," my father said, gathering the papers back into the file and handing it over to me. His eyes settled darkly on the plate of fettuccine alfredo in front of me. "You should only eat half of that. A cream based sauce has far too many calories and fat for a woman of your age. Next time order a light tomato sauce."

I got off the elevator and started dragging myself towards my apartment. I never took naps but I was going to have one now. I just wanted to crawl into my bed, close my eyes and stop thinking for a while.  
I stopped short as I approached my apartment door. It was hanging open just a little. I felt fear slide like ice down my spine. There were scratches and gouges on both the door and the door frame. Someone had broken into my apartment.  
Dropping the grocery bags that I held, I reached for the door. Cold air spilled from my apartment and over my hand. My breath caught and fear continued to escalate inside of me. I held my breath and forced my hand to move and push the door open. I had to at least take a look and see what I was dealing with. It was a nightmare. Everything in my living room had been knocked down, thrown to the ground or flipped over. The floor was littered with my belongings. My couch had been upended and the cushions had been slashed, spilling stuffing out onto the floor. Behind the mess the sliding glass doors that led out onto my patio had been shattered letting the freezing winter wind rush into the room.  
My computer desk caught my eye. It was the only thing that hadn't been knocked over. I stepped past the toppled office chair with its shredded cushions. The pens, pencils and notepad that had been on my desk were now scattered on the floor and my computer monitor had been thrown down. It looked like it had been stomped on, its screen was shattered and the frame was bent and broken. In its place every knife that I owned had been lined up on the surface of my desk. A neat row of gleaming sharp edges that spelled out a message of pain and death.  
The frigid shock that had filled me while I surveyed my trashed living room melted into an overwhelming wave of terror. I turned and ran out, pulling the door closed behind me and hearing it bounce back open behind me with a little thud. I stood terrified waiting for the elevator, imagining a hooded man dressed all in black lurking in my bedroom, listening as I walked through the living room. What if he decided to come after me and make good on the threat he'd laid out when he arranged the knives on my desk? The elevator door opened and I flung myself inside, sending thanks to the heavens that it was empty. No one was waiting inside to attack me.  
I burst out of the elevator and ran a few steps through the lobby of my apartment building before I saw the crowded sidewalk outside. People meant danger. Any one of those people could be there to spy on me, to kidnap me, to kill me. I looked frantically around the lobby but it was empty. I didn't know whether that was good or bad. If I was alone, someone could easily step inside and attack me without a witness.  
I took a few deep breaths and tried to decide what to do. There was no way that I could contact the police. This certainly involved Shin Aida, going to the police would be a definite death sentence. I needed help, but I couldn't call any of my friends. There was no way that I could put them in danger. There was Eisuke and Soryu, I knew that they would protect me but in the end Mamoru was the one that I wanted, the one who kept popping into my mind. He was capable and he was enough of a friend to be something of a comfort.

"M-Mamoru?" I'd been holding myself together but as soon as I opened my mouth to speak on the phone I began to cry.  
"Chisato? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" His concerned voice sounded so far away. I needed him to be standing right next to me.  
I took a deep breath and tried to quiet my sobs. "S-someone broke into my apartment. I th-think they want to k-k-kill me."  
'_Where are you now?' _he asked, his voice taking on an authoritative tone that I had never heard before.  
"I'm in the lobby in my building," I answered, swiping at the tears that kept flowing from my eyes with the back of my hand.  
"Alright. I'm on my way," he said. "Have you called the police? Do you have one of those tracking devices?"  
"No. No to both," I said, feeling miserable and stupid. Olivia had wanted me to wear one but I'd thought it was completely unnecessary. And I obviously couldn't call the police.  
"Okay, we need to get you somewhere safer immediately. There's a coffee shop just a few doors down, right? Start walking there," he said.  
"Are you sure?" I asked, afraid to go out on the sidewalk.  
"You need to be where a lot of people can see you," he said, his voice commanding. "_Go now."_  
"I'm going," I said. My entire body was shaking as I stepped out onto the sidewalk and turned towards the coffee shop. My eyes darted around, flitting from face to face, looking for signs that someone was watching me.  
"Good job," he said. "I'm in my car and I'm on my way to you. When you get to the coffee shop, buy yourself a coffee and sit where everyone can see you, don't go to the restroom or anything. Just stay in view of as many people as possible. And _don't hang up your phone."  
_ "I can't order coffee, I'm a mess," I said, hesitating outside of the shop.  
"That's good," he said. "It's better if people notice you."  
His words sank in. I knew they were true. If I did disappear, if someone snatched me out of the shop, people would remember the woman who was crying on the phone when she ordered coffee. I took a deep breath. It was shaky and ended with a bit of a sob, but it filled me with enough energy to go inside and order a small coffee. I sat at a table and stared at the logo on the paper cup. The seconds were stretching out endlessly as I waited for Mamoru.  
"I'll be there in less than five minutes," he said. "Don't be afraid. I'll be there soon."


	6. Mamoru Arrives

It felt like it took a lifetime for Mamoru to get to me. He pulled up in front of the coffee shop in an old gray car and parked in a no parking zone. He'd stuck one of those removable flashing police lights to the top of the car. Apparently that meant that he could just park wherever he pleased.  
As soon as he stepped out of the car and I knew for sure that it was him, I jumped up and dashed out of the coffee shop. My heart was pounding and I felt like a tiger was chasing after me. I'd been trying to hold back my emotions while I sat alone in the shop, but now that Mamoru was there fear was exploding inside of me and I was desperate to get to him.  
I met him on the sidewalk. There were a lot people out there, walking to wherever they were going, sending paranoia through my veins. Any one of them could be working for Aida. I wanted to throw myself into Mamoru's arms and bury my face in his chest. I wanted to block out the world and pretend like I was safe as long as he was there, but it would definitely just be pretending. I was probably putting him into danger just by standing next to him. The thought stopped me from getting too close.  
I stood on the sidewalk, rigid with terror and looked up at him. "Thank you for coming."  
He made a dissatisfied face and turned away for a moment in frustration. When he looked back at me his eyes were gentle and he was smiling a little. "I don't know what you've done but we're going to fix it. The first thing we need to do is call the police and have them inspect your apartment. I'd like to take a look at it myself. Can you handle going back up there?"  
"_No!"_ I said angrily, way too loudly. "Anyone who tries to report Aida to the police disappears. We _can't_ go to the police. _Are you crazy?"  
_ "_Aida?"_ he repeated and anger flared in his eyes. He reached out and gripped my arms, holding me in place as he fought the anger and replaced it with a cold calm. "We're not going to report Aida," he said, his voice deadly soothing. "Try to calm down. We're just going to report that your apartment was broken into. We need to take care of that first thing so that your insurance will cover the damages and so you don't have any problems with the owner. Do you understand?"  
"Yes. Yes, of course I understand," I answered. The fear was starting to be too much. I needed to get off the sidewalk and away from all of those random strangers, any one of whom could be staring at me with deadly intent. "Let's do it then, let's get it over with. I want to get out of here."  
"I can call someone else to come and take care of you while I go take a look," he offered. "A cop or one of Eisuke's guards?"  
"No. I don't want to be with any strangers. I'm staying with you," I said.  
"Good. That's exactly where I want you. Now don't leave my side." He took my hand and pulled me closer to him. He used his free hand to pull out his phone and call the local police station. "This is detective Mamoru Kishi. My friend's apartment has been broken into. I need you to send a couple of officers over here immediately."  
After giving them my address, we got into his car, circled around the block, and parked in front of my apartment building. As I stepped out onto the sidewalk a police car pulled up behind us and two officers got out. Now there were two vehicles parked in a no parking zone with their lights flashing. I frowned up at Mamoru. I was sure that any other time the officers would have taken longer to arrive and they would have found a legitimate parking spot. I was getting special treatment since a detective had made the call.  
Mamoru showed the other two men his badge and we headed into the building. The officers began asking me questions, but Mamoru stopped them. "I'll do the initial questioning and you guys can take the notes," he said. "Ms. Kurihara is still pretty scared. It'll be easier for her to talk to a friend."  
I answered Mamoru's questions about what time I discovered the break-in and if I was sure I'd locked the door on my way out as we rode up in the elevator. He was holding my hand and his voice was gentle, but I could still feel my fear growing with each second that passed as we got closer and closer to my apartment.  
My front door was hanging open a few inches and the bags of groceries that I'd dropped still lay in the hallway. The door had been damaged and wouldn't close properly. Mamoru and the officers spent a few minutes examining it and decided that someone had probably used a crowbar to break the lock. One of the officers took pictures.  
"You'll need better locks," Mamoru said. "This one is pretty low budget. I wish I'd noticed before."  
One of the officers pushed the door open and I flinched as my icy, wrecked apartment came into view. Mamoru's grip tightened on my hand and he led me inside. The other two men followed. My apartment looked even worse than before, now that I had more time to look and see the damage that had been done. Nothing had been left untouched. Whoever had done this had made sure that they ruined my every possession.  
I clenched Mamoru's hand in mine and explored the mess. I hadn't taken the time to really look at it when I was there earlier. It looked as if someone had taken my books off the bookshelf one by one and torn pages from every single one of them before destroying the shelf itself. In the kitchen they'd broken every dish and even bent my silverware. Every box, bag and container of food had been opened up and dumped out. Every liquid they could find - milk, juice, soy sauce, ketchup and more - had been splattered all over the walls. It was the same in the bathroom. My towels and washcloths had been thrown on the floor and all of my shampoos, lotions and laundry detergent had been spilled over them. All of the toilet paper, tampons and boxes of tissues that I'd stored in the bathroom had been thrown into the bathtub and submerged in water. My makeup had been thrown into the toilet, perfumes and body sprays soaked the walls. The mirror had been shattered and they'd used something heavy - the crowbar? - to hammer at the toilet, sink and bathtub, cracking and gouging them.  
I pulled Mamoru into my bedroom. I'd barely been holding back tears and I wanted to be away from the officers as they talked about the damage and made notes. I looked around the room through the tears, covering my mouth with my hand to try to hold back sobs. My clothes and bedding had been thrown on the floor and doused with bleach. They'd cut gaping holes in my mattress. Everything was destroyed. Just everything.  
"_Why?"_ I whispered, shaking with fear, disgust and anger. "_Why would they do this? Did they have to go this far? It's crazy."_  
Mamoru put his arms around me and hugged me tightly. "It's going to be okay," he said. "I'll hire a cleaning service to take care of everything. All of these things can be replaced. The only thing that really matters is that you're safe. You're safe and I'm not going to let anyone hurt you."  
Before I could respond there was a knock at the door. "Detective Kishi? We've got some more questions," one of the officers called from the other room. "It's about the knives. This looks to be more serious that we'd thought."  
"Do you know what he's talking about?" Mamoru whispered in my ear. I hadn't spent much time in the living room and I'd stayed away from my desk. Mamoru had mostly been focusing on me and my reactions to what I'd found. He must not have noticed the knives.  
"Yes. I saw them earlier," I said, taking a deep breath and trying to pull myself together as much as possible. "Let's go. Let's get this over with. I want to get out of here. I don't ever want to see this place again."  
I'd been investigating unsolved crimes using the internet for years. I knew how important it was for witnesses and victims to cooperate with the police and answer all their questions, but this was a farce. We knew who was ultimately responsible. He and the people who had actually destroyed my apartment would never be caught. Just like with the death of Mamoru's friend. We'd just have to go through the motions and pretend like we weren't wasting everyone's time.  
"_Shit."_ Mamoru grabbed my shoulders and turned me away from my desk as soon as he laid eyes on the knives lined up there. One of the officers was in the bathroom taking pictures. I assumed that he'd already got enough shots of the living room and the knives.  
"Can you think of anyone that wants to harm you, Ms. Kurihara?" the officer standing next to us asked.  
"No," I lied. "I can't think of anyone."  
Mamoru's arms came around me again. He felt different. Up until now he'd been acting like a supportive friend, paying more attention to me than to the destruction that surrounded us. Now I didn't have to look up at his face to know that he was enraged.  
"Have you broken up with a boyfriend recently or maybe turned down someone who asked you out on a date?"  
"Yes." Before I could speak, Mamoru was already answering the question. "She and her fiance broke up a few months ago."  
"Oh, but, Hinata wouldn't do this," I said and glared up at Mamoru. What did he think he was doing dragging Hinata into this? "It can't be him."  
"What's his full name and address?" the officer asked, ignoring me entirely.  
I sighed and said, "Hinata Tenkawa. I don't know his address."  
"What about his phone number?"  
I had no other choice but to take out my phone and give the officer Hinata's number.  
"You've looked around," the officer said after he'd jotted down Hinata's number. "Did you notice anything missing?"  
My heart sank. Why hadn't we thought of that? We were supposed to be reporting a burglary but nothing had been stolen. "No. I don't think anything's missing."  
"What about your computer tower?" he asked.  
"It's being repaired," I lied again, imaging two towers lying at the bottom of the ocean.  
"I see," he said, scribbling in his notepad. "This is almost certainly someone that you know. Can you think of anyone besides your ex-fiance who might want to do this? Is anyone at work angry at you? Maybe a family member? A friend?"  
"No," I answered. "There's no one."  
"I think this is enough. You guys get your pictures and send me copies of them for the insurance," Mamoru said as he handed the officer his business card. "I want to be updated on whatever progress you make but for now I'm getting Ms. Kurihara out of here. If you have any more questions, just give me a call. We'll be together."

Out on the sidewalk, just as Mamoru was pressing the button on his fob to unlock the car, I looked across the street as a flash of pink caught my eye and terror shot through me. Reverend Nanao was standing on the opposite sidewalk staring at me.  
"_Get in the car!"_ I screeched and ran the few steps to Mamoru's car, flung the door open and jumped in. My heart was racing as I crouched down on the floor of the car, trying to disappear so that Nanao wouldn't be able to see me.  
Mamoru hadn't hesitated to follow my direction. He wrenched his door open and hurried to get in and slam the door closed. As he his body moved into the car and his arm reached to close the door, I could see across the street. Nanao hadn't moved. He was still standing there staring inside the car, staring at me.  
Mamoru started the car and pulled out in front of traffic, forcing his way into the steady stream of cars. I stayed down on the floorboards, tears had begun to stream from my eyes. They were really out there. They were watching me. They were going to hurt me. They probably wanted to kill me.  
As the car moved down the street and Mamoru began making turn after turn in order to lose anyone who might be tailing us, I thought about Reverend Nanao standing and staring at me. Not making a single move to try to reach me. If he'd wanted to attack me or kidnap me, wouldn't he have waited for me outside of my building, not across the street? And wearing that pink blazer, he was sure to stand out, sure to catch my eye. His presence had been a message, a warning. '_We're watching you.'_  
They were watching me. They knew that I'd called Mamoru to help me. Did they know who he was? How long would it take before they made the connection and realized he was Minami's friend? What would they do then? Wouldn't they assume that Mamoru and I were working together? But then they would want to kill Mamoru, too.  
"_Pull over!" _I shouted, my panicked voice bouncing around the small car. "Pull over and let me out. I have to get out."  
"What are you talking about?" Mamoru asked.  
"They're going to want to kill you because you're helping me. Let me out. I'll have to go into hiding by myself. I'll get a haircut and dye my hair," I said, my mind racing. "I'll hang out in internet cafes for awhile, until I can figure out where I should go."  
"Calm down, Honeybee," he said, his voice low. "Calm down and get into your seat. We're not being followed."  
"How can you be sure?" I demanded, my voice still filled with fear. "They might not even _need_ to follow us. They could have put a tracker on your car while we were in my apartment. _Oh God, _you should let me out. _You should just let me out!"_  
"I'm not letting you out. I'm taking you home with me to my apartment. The best place for you is the penthouse, but Eisuke and Olivia are having a dinner party tonight. I figured you'd prefer to go somewhere a little quieter," he explained. "Now tell me what happened to make you hide down there on the floor."  
"I saw a man. His name's Nanao. He was standing across the street staring at me," I said, feeling fear turn over sickly in my stomach as I remembered the emotionless expression on Nanao's face. "I know that he works for Aida."  
"You're sure it was him?" When I answered with "absolutely", he asked another question. "So you kept investigating Aida even after I warned you to stop?"  
"_No!_ No, Mamoru, that isn't the way that it happened. I promise. I'll explain everything, but can I do it when we get to your apartment? I'd rather not be on the floor when I'm telling you about it," I looked up at his profile as he stared at the road ahead. He didn't even glance down at me. He must be very angry if he thought that I'd disobeyed both him and Eisuke and continued investigating Aida.  
"That's fine," he said, still not looking at me. "And it really is fine for you to sit in your seat. We're not being followed."  
"Okay," I said, pushing myself off the floorboards and sitting in the seat. I couldn't help but hunch down to try to make myself as small a target as possible.  
Five minutes later we pulled into the parking garage beneath Mamoru's building. The building was much older than I would have expected and not in great condition, but the underground garage was very well lit and there was even a guard post in it. After parking, Mamoru walked over to where two guards sat in the little room. I noticed immediately that these were not normal guards. At most apartment buildings the guards were men in their fifties or older who didn't look like they would be able to do much more than call for help. The men who greeted Mamoru were young, very well muscled and were obviously yakuza despite the typical guard uniforms that they wore.  
"Odayaka." Mamoru nodded at one of the men. "You've already doubled the guys on duty?"  
"Yes, Sir. Everyone's in position. Is this the lady who's in trouble?" he asked, looking at me with a hint of suspicion in his eye.  
"That's right," Mamoru answered. "We'll be leaving sometime tomorrow. Until then everyone needs to be on red alert. Let me know immediately if there's anyone suspicious outside and _do not_ let anyone in the building who isn't a resident. Even if one of the guys wants to bring a girl home, tell them to go to a love hotel. _No one_ should be allowed in except Ice Dragons. Is that clear?"  
"Yes, Sir. I'll let everyone know," Odayaka said.

"_What is this?!"_ Mamoru had opened the door to his studio apartment and stepped aside to let me in. For a split second fear had shot through me because my eyes told me that Mamoru's place had also been ransacked. My brain kicked in quickly, though. His apartment hadn't been destroyed by Aida, it was a disaster made my Mamoru himself. "Do you _never_ clean? Do you _really_ expect me to stay here?"  
I was standing frozen in his entryway. My feet refused to take another step into his apartment. He stepped close behind me and let the door fall closed behind him. "Ah, yeah. I didn't think about the mess," he said, his voice guilty and apologetic. "I could take you to the Ice Dragons headquarters. I'm sure they probably have an extra bedroom or two. I can always sleep on a couch if necessary."  
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I reminded myself that Olivia thought he was depressed, grieving for his murdered friend. He didn't go to work, he spent his days sleeping in a chair at the penthouse and his own apartment was a pig sty. "We're cleaning up," I said. I didn't want to go to Ice Dragons headquarters, I didn't want to go outside where it seemed so very dangerous, and I wanted to do something to help Mamoru. "We'll take a break and I'll tell you about Aida as soon as it's clean enough for me to breathe in here. Do you have any trash bags? Do you have a washing machine? What about cleaning supplies?"  
"Alright. Yeah, I've got trash bags and a washing machine. I'll have to check on the cleaning supplies." He put his hands on my shoulders, nudging me to the side. I looked down at the pile of shoes that littered the entryway and tiptoed to the side, avoiding shoes that looked as if they hadn't been touched in years.  
I watched Mamoru walk over to a cabinet and pull out three boxes of trash bags. I would learn while we were cleaning that he was the type who bought things without keeping track of whether he actually needed them. There were also several bottles of cleaners, all of them covered with dust. I had Mamoru pick up enough laundry to fill the washer and get it running and we both began filling the trash bags.  
His apartment was littered with food containers, pizza boxes, instant ramen bowls and other random pieces of trash. It looked like he never bothered to use his trash can. I just kept shoving trash into bags, letting the familiar motions of cleaning soothe me as I worked. There was a path that lead through the trash between his kitchen sink, his bed and his bathroom. Every other bit of floor and every surface was filled with his belongings and trash that had just been tossed to the side.  
"What about the bed?" I said after I'd filled two bags. "You don't have a dryer, so the bedding won't dry before it's time to sleep. Maybe I'll have to go to Ice Dragons headquarters after all. But don't worry, I'll help you clean first."  
"I have brand new bedding," he said, waving his hand at a wardrobe in the corner. "I'll put it on the bed for you. I'm really sorry about this mess and I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help. And the kick in the ass to get me started. Things haven't been the same since Minami died. I haven't even been really looking at this place. Now that I see it through your eyes, I've let things go more than I'd realized."  
His voice had turned sad, almost despondent. If we weren't separated by a few yards of rubbage, I'd probably have hugged him. Instead I said, "You're very welcome, Mamoru. You really saved me today. I definitely called the right person. You knew exactly what to do." I felt tears welling up in my eyes. "If something like this had happened before - before I met you and Eisuke and Soryu - I don't know what I would have done. I'd have been completely lost."  
"You're welcome, Honeybee. I'm glad that I can be here to protect you." He paused, his eyes searching mine before he said, "I'm happy that I'm the one you called. I want to be the one to take care of you."  
My heart squeezed. I couldn't help but remember him kissing me in my office. Maybe he was more serious than I'd thought. After everything that I'd been through that day, the thought made me dizzy. I didn't know how to answer him. What was I supposed to say? I finally licked my lips and stuck with the simple truth. "That's why I called you, because I know you care."  
We continued cleaning in silence. The work went quicker than I'd expected since there were two of us and almost everything that was out of place just needed to be thrown away or piled next to the washing machine in the tiny bathroom. Mamoru hadn't just been buying trash bags that he didn't need. He'd also been buy clothes, mostly underwear and socks, just because he didn't have any clean ones. The thought of him living like this was painful. He seemed to be on the very edge of life, just doing the bare minimum to get by.  
"Is your wardrobe full?" I asked as we got close to clearing the floor and surfaces. "Do we need to clean it out so that we can put your suits away?"  
Suits in dry cleaner bags were on nails and cabinet doors, wherever he'd found a place to hang them. As he walked over to open the wardrobe, I saw pain and despair flash across his face. He opened the doors, looked at the mess inside and said, "Yeah, there's a mess in here, too. Of course."  
His voice had returned to its usual laid back drawl. He was pretending to be untroubled as he pulled wrappers, dry cleaner bags and mostly empty packages of underwear and socks out of the wardrobe.  
I couldn't hesitate any longer. I went over and put my hand on his arm, turning him so that he would look at me. "Mamoru, I know this has to be hard for you."  
"This isn't hard," he said with a shrug, not meeting my eyes. "We're almost done getting everything picked up. We'll clean the floors and wipe everything down. We'll be finished in no time."  
"Dont. Please don't brush me off," I said, trying to capture his gaze. "You're helping me. I want to help you."  
"I appreciate your help, Honeybee, but right now I'm supposed to be helping you," he said, finally looking into my eyes. There was so much pain inside of him. "I should be comforting you or whatever you need. You shouldn't have to help me clean up this mess, especially at a time like this."  
I squeezed his arm and tried to smile up at him reassuringly. "I like to clean. It calms me down and takes me mind off of things. It's probably just what I needed."  
"Okay, if you say so," he said, reaching back into the wardrobe. "Let's finish fast so we can sit down and talk."

"So this is an apartment building for Ice Dragons? Why do you live here?" I asked. I was making a pathetic attempt to put off having to tell Mamoru what I'd done to get myself into trouble, but I couldn't help trying to avoid what would probably be a stressful conversation.  
We were sitting down to a dinner of pizza that had been delivered to Mamoru's apartment by an Ice Dragon. The young man had also brought a toothbrush and hairbrush for me, as well as some other basic toiletries. I felt a lot more relaxed now that the apartment was clean and I knew that I was going to be able to brush my teeth.  
"Yeah, the building is old and not in the best condition but it's great because it's very easy to defend," Mamoru answered. He ruffled the hair on the back of his head thoughtfully as he answered my other question. "I met Eisuke about six months before Minami died. You know Baba's a thief?"  
"Yes," I said. "Olivia told me and he's told me a few stories."  
"He'd broken into a house and found evidence of a pretty serious crime," Mamoru explained. "Apparently Eisuke did a little research - or his people did - and they thought I'd be the right person to contact about the crime. We had to work out a way to trap the guy since all of the evidence was in his house."  
"I see," I said thoughtfully. "They couldn't just call the local police station and explain that Baba had broken into a house and found some evidence. But why did they call you?"  
"Back then I had a reputation for being pretty aggressive about solving crimes," he said with a sigh. "Crossing lines, bending rules, I did whatever I needed to do to get the perp."  
I tried to picture him as he must have been back then, younger and full of passion for his job. It was so different from the Mamoru that I knew. How much had this man lost when he lost his friend and couldn't give him justice?  
"I ended up becoming friends with Eisuke and the rest of the guys. They'd let me know whenever they came across a crime that was too bad to overlook. After Minami was killed, I did some investigating and figured out that Aida was behind it. I got myself into a tight spot and had to back off. That's when Soryu suggested I move in here, just to be safe." He leaned back in his chair and made himself comfortable. His eyes didn't leave mine. "So tell me, Honeybee. What have you been up to?"  
I bit my lip and started pulling a piece of pizza crust apart. I'd made so many mistakes. I was ashamed to admit to them. "First of all, I did throw my computer tower away and I stopped investigating Minami's death and Aida, just like you told me to. One day I got a call that a guest had lost her earring behind the bed in her room…"  
By the time I got to the end of my explanation, I was crying. Mamoru had pulled a handkerchief out of a drawer and it was now soaked and wadded up in my hand. "I screwed up so bad and I'm so stupid. I'm so pathetic that I was ready to join a cult. An _evil _cult. And now Aida wants me dead or _something."_  
I looked at Mamoru through the tears in my eyes. "I've been thinking about it for awhile now. Why didn't they just kill me? Why bother trashing my apartment? Someone could have just waited for me in there and killed me then. Why was Nanao just staring at me from across the street? It doesn't make any sense."  
"They're definitely warning you," Mamoru replied. "But I agree that it doesn't add up. The easiest thing to do would be to eliminate you to get rid of the threat. I think they may be trying to figure out if you have connections to anyone else."  
"But that just leads them to you," I said. "You're already on their radar because of Manami. If they see that the two of us are connected, you're going to have a target on your back, too. I'm sure Nanao doesn't know who you are, but at some point someone's going to make the connection. It _was_ a bad idea for me to come here. I shouldn't have called you in the first place. I should have thought things through and disappeared on my own."  
He reached across the table and took my hand in his. "Stop talking crazy. This isn't a movie. You can't dye your hair pink and get some piercings and hide in internet cafes. And you don't need to do that. _I'm here for you_ and you're part of the Ichinomiya Group. _You will be protected no matter what."  
_ "But Eisuke just let me into the group because Olivia asked him to," I argued, letting out my doubts. "It's not like I'm a real member. And it looks like I disobeyed his orders. I just don't see where he has any reason to waste time and resources on me."  
"You're Olivia's friend and you're my friend, too. Eisuke may be hard to understand, but I know that means he probably thinks of you as a friend, too," Mamoru said, his voice firm, leaving no room for doubt. "For Eisuke that means you're family. There's no way he's going to allow anything to happen to you. There's no way _I'm _going to let anything bad happen to you. So don't you even think about going off on your own. There's no way in hell I'd let you do that." 


	7. In Darkness

I sighed and shifted on the bed. There were too many things on my mind to sleep. How could Aida be dealt with so that he would leave me alone? Was it even possible? In the quiet darkness of the room, it was so easy to be afraid of the unknown. Was there someone out there? Watching the apartment building, plotting to sneak inside, bent on hurting me? I'd already told myself dozens of times that I was safe. That the building was being guarded and Mamoru was there to protect me, but I couldn't get the fear to go away.  
I heard rustling and opened my eyes to look at the outline of Mamoru's shoulder. It was all that I could make out in the dim light that was coming from the bathroom. He was lying on a futon on the floor and he'd been tossing and turning even more than me. Was he just as worried as I was? He'd spoken with confidence about how they'd make sure I was protected, but inside was he afraid that wouldn't be possible?  
"Are you having trouble sleeping?" I asked quietly, watching as he rolled over to face me even though it was too dark for us to really see each other. "If the futon is too uncomfortable, you can have the bed."  
"No, Honeybee. There's no way I'll give you the floor and take the bed. I've had trouble sleeping at night since Minami died. This is nothing new," he explained.  
"Is that why you're always sleeping in Eisuke's living room?" I'd never thought that maybe there'd been a legitimate reason for him to sleep so much. I'd assumed that he was just lazy.  
"Yeah," he said. "It's easier to sleep in the light of day, near people I can trust."  
"Come up on the bed," I said. The words escaped my lips before I had a chance to think them over. I didn't like the thought of him having trouble sleeping and I didn't want to be the cause of one more restless night. If it helped him to be near someone, he could be near me. "There's plenty of room."  
He sighed. The sound filled the room. "Thanks for the offer, but I'd better stay down here. If I go up there, there's no way I'll be able to keep my hands off of you."  
"Come up here, then," I said, once again not taking the time to think, just letting what I wanted to say slip out. My heart pounded at my recklessness and audacity. "I want… I want your hands on me."  
I listened to his blankets rustle and watched his outline stand up and move the short distance to the bed. He took the corner of the blanket that I held out to him and slid in beside me. Tears pricked in my eyes, my heart swelled and my throat tightened, making it hard to breath. I hadn't realized how much I'd wanted him to touch me. How much I'd _needed_ it.  
"Just for tonight," I whispered as he reached out a hand towards me. Anxiety and guilt were creeping quickly in, stinging at the edges of my mind, reminding me that I was doing something wrong. I thrust my hand out to him, moving fast, coming to rest on his side and fisting my fingers into the soft material of his t-shirt. He was so large. I wanted to be pressed up against him, buried in his strength, held safe away from all that frightened me. "Just for tonight, make me forget everything."  
"Anything you want," he answered, his voice low and deep. His fingers skimmed over my neck and threaded into my hair, his thumb caressing the sensitive skin in front of my ear. His simple touch felt so good. Longing shot through me, painful and keening. I stretched, pushing my toes down over the smooth sheets, lengthening my muscles, making room for desire.  
He moved closer and I pushed forward to meet him. His lips brushed softly over mine, rubbing gently, clinging tenderly. His every touch was so light, as if I was precious and breakable. My breath was caught in my throat, pressure building in my chest. I needed him too much, an inferno was building inside of me, threatening to break me. My heart felt as if it would shatter. His tongue was slipping out to carefully taste my lips. I pulled him towards me with the hand that was still clenched in his shirt, pressed my body into his and sent my tongue out to join his. Warm, wet and tasting like minty toothpaste. The feel of his tongue against mine instantly soothed me, giving me a place to focus the desire that continued to grow deep inside of me.  
His tongue and lips became more forceful, meeting my desperation. The hand that cupped the back of my head pulled me closer as he invaded my mouth, stroking hot and deep, testing my responses, learning what I liked most. I moved my hand up to twist into the locks of his hair and hold him tightly to me. I began letting go of my fear and worries. I let them slip out of my fingers and toes, melt away into the darkness as they were replaced by Mamoru's warmth.  
His kisses felt as if they'd go on forever. He was hungry, ravenous, and couldn't seem to get enough of my lips, mouth and tongue. His tongue just kept exploring, searching, memorizing the taste of me. Every time his lips began to part from mine and I thought he was finally finished, he'd simply change the angle and come back for more. It was as if he'd held back a thousand kisses and finally had the chance to give me all of them. I could feel tears rising up at the back of my eyes. His caresses were so very tender. His fingertips on my cheeks, gliding down my neck, stroking over my spine and pulling me close to him. His touch was filled with emotion. He liked me even more than he'd let on, he was treating me as if I were cherished.  
I wasn't used to being treated like this. Sex with Hinata had always been more physical than emotional. He hadn't been interested in a lot of kissing and touching or foreplay in general. He'd never been this..._caring_. They were unfamiliar and new, Mamoru's endless kisses, and they were making me dizzy and breathless. The ache of passion filled me, making my limbs restless and setting my body on fire. I hadn't felt this way in years. I'd thought that this overwhelming desire was something only teenagers felt, something related to too many hormones and a lack of control.  
Now, I met his questing tongue and combed my fingers through his hair. It felt so good to touch him. Everywhere that our bodies came into contact made me feel hot and needy. I pressed myself close to him and tangled my legs with his. I'd been attracted to him, I'd wanted him to come up on the bed and make love to me, but now that I was tasting him, I was being swept up in a frenzy of desire that I hadn't expected. I wanted more. I wanted him kissing and touching me everywhere. I wanted to feel him inside of me, thrusting deep, taking me over.  
I moved a bit away from him and grabbed the edge of the long t-shirt that he'd lent me to sleep in, tugging it up over my hip. I was lying on it, so I couldn't pull it up any more unless I pushed further away from him and that was something I wasn't willing to do.  
"Touch me," I said. It was the sort of commanding comment that had always made Hinata turn cold and angry.  
Mamoru smiled down at me and slipped his hand past my hip bone and under the shirt, splaying his fingers over my stomach. I gasped at the feel of his hand on my skin and he took advantage of my open mouth, kissing me again, his tongue plunging deep, filling my mouth. I felt as if I was spinning out of control. I was breathless and my thoughts were fading, being replaced by feelings so large I could barely contain them. I dug my heels into the mattress and pushed myself up into his hand. I couldn't get enough of him. I needed more.  
He pulled his mouth from mine and his hands moved to the shirt, tugging at it. "I'm going to take this off," he said, as if I needed a warning. I needed that shirt off _now_. It was killing me that it was between us.  
I raised my hips to release the material from beneath my bottom and then sat up to make it easier for him to pull it over my head. I breathed a sigh of relief as I felt the cool air brush over my skin. My hands went to him, unsure of where to settle. His hands, his arms, his chest, his neck, they fluttered from one place to another, tugging him towards me, wanting him as close as possible.  
"Do you mind if I turn on a light?" he asked, smoothing his warm hand over one of my arms. "I want to see you."  
"_Yes,"_ I answered, my voice tinged with excitement. I wanted to see him too, to see what I was touching and tasting.  
He left the bed and went to turn on the little lamp on his desk, throwing a soft light over the room. On the way back he pulled his shirt off over his head and let it fall to the floor.  
"Oh." I hadn't expected him to be so well-muscled. His chest and stomach were well-defined and my hands itched to touch him. He sat back down on the bed, tossing the covers away and pulling me close. I reached up and ran my fingers over his abs and pecs, feeling the hard muscle under the smooth skin.  
He sat patiently, one of his hands caressing the bare skin of my thigh, his eyes watching me as I explored his skin with my fingertips. Something else I wasn't used to. I leaned forward to flick my tongue out and lap his nipple. '_Oh, so this is what it feels like.' _The hard bead of his erect nipple sliding across my tongue. '_This is what it tastes like.'_ His skin, salty and hot.  
I liked it. It made the fire low in my belly burn even hotter. It made the muscles of my thighs tighten and clench together. I wanted more. I reached up and set my hands on his shoulders, pushing him down onto the bed. He didn't complain. He didn't stop me. He even chuckled a little and smiled at me. I traced my tongue over his chest, licking, kissing, sucking and tasting. I couldn't get enough of the feel of him against my lips. It was making the need in me climb to a higher and higher pitch. When I couldn't take it anymore, I moved up to kiss him on the mouth. This time I pushed my tongue inside of him. Into his hot wetness. It made me feel powerful and in control. He moaned against my tongue and it felt wonderful.  
His hands had been rubbing my arms and stroking through my hair while I was exploring his chest. When I moved up to his mouth they slid down my back and began working - a little clumsily - at the fastening on my bra. When he finally released the clasp I felt the material relax away from my body. His hands slid around my sides, his fingertips slipping under my loosened bra and sliding over the curves of my breasts. It felt so good. I broke our kiss and pushed myself up to yank my bra off with trembling fingers.  
His hands immediately moved to cup my aching breasts. I dropped my head back, pressing myself into the pleasure of his fingers, moaning loudly. His thumbs drew circles over my nipples before his fingers gently pinched them. I couldn't stop moaning. I'd never known that being touched could feel this good. I was melting under his touch.  
"You're so pretty," he said, his voice low and sexy. "I can never keep my eyes off of you. I can't believe I get to touch you."  
He sat up, settling me into his lap so that my legs were straddling him. His mouth went to my nipple, lapping with his tongue, sucking and tugging with his lips. I was struggling. Struggling to breathe, struggling to understand what was happening inside of me. Desire and passion and need were piling up, so much more than I had ever known. I had to open up new places inside of me and let them flood in. Pleasure and need filled me completely, permeating every single cell of my body. I was giving myself over to him and to the thing that we were doing. Letting go of everything and just feeling. Feeling his tongue swirling on my nipples, his lips plucking at my skin, his fingers caressing over my back and behind, his hair and hot, sweat-soaked skin beneath my own hands.  
He wrapped his arms around me and held me close, spinning the two of us around and lying me down on the bed. "I want too much," he said, trailing kisses down my stomach. "I want everything all at once."  
His hand took my thigh and pushed it up and away, opening me to his mouth. I stopped breathing, watching in shocked fascination as his head descended between my thighs. I'd never experienced this before. I was trembling in anticipation mixed with a tinge of fear of the unknown. His fingertips slipped over my skin, spreading open the petals of my sex and then his tongue touched me, gliding softly over my most secret place.  
The breath that I had been holding rushed out of me in a moan. It felt good, _so good._ All of my attention was focusing on the place where his tongue met my body. It felt as if the very blood in my veins was changing directions, coursing towards the spot where a great heat was growing, swelling and throbbing. His tongue played over my quivering center, tasting and caressing as he explored ever crevice. It even pushed up into me, licking at my insides, making me cry out and push myself into his mouth, my body instinctively begging for more.  
His lips pressed kisses and tugged at my folds, his mouth sucking, his teeth grazing and drawing cries out of me that felt as if they came from some place inside of me, deep and dark, that had never before been found. I was disintegrating, losing pieces of myself until all that remained was the awareness of the place he was lavishing attention on.  
His tongue found the little nub that was hidden in my folds of flesh. It was swollen and throbbing. He lapped over it gently, flicking it softly with the tip of his tongue, circling it and sucking at it, caressing it until my loud cries had filled the room and were echoing off the walls. I could feel that I was about to climax, it was building up inside of me, pouring out of every corner of my body.  
This was supposed to be wrong. I wasn't supposed to allow a man to become so intimate with me and a man was not supposed to demean himself in such a way. So why did it feel so very good? I was about to break open under his mouth and the guilt and shame that had been heaped upon me for years was rearing up, trying to stop me.  
I turned away from it. I blocked it out, smothered it in darkness. I turned towards Mamoru and the movement of his mouth, hot between my legs. My body moved of its own accord, rocking against his mouth, opening up, begging for more. His hand slid off my thigh and I felt his fingers join his mouth between my legs. They softly caressed around my entrance, gently stretching my skin and nudging inside of me to stroke over incredibly sensitive flesh.  
Everything in me reached a crescendo and I broke apart, me entire body spasming as I climaxed. My moans were colored with sobs as my hands clenched at the sheets next to me. I had never felt something so intense and wonderful. I was gasping for air between the moans that fell from my lips, trying to pull myself together. My thoughts had been scattered in every direction.  
His tongue trailed its way back up my body, licking a path to my mouth and plunging inside for a deep kiss. He pulled away from my lips, dropping open-mouthed kisses over my cheeks as he whispered, "Can you taste yourself on my tongue? You're delicious. I'll never be able to get enough."  
He returned to my mouth, his tongue stroking over mine as shame tried to steal me away again. His words were so wrong and so lewd, but it was too easy to push away the sense of shame and follow Mamoru down the erotic path he was clearing for me. Everything he did was a revelation of pleasure. Without the constraints that I'd always lived under, sex was an excess of delights. I was lost in it, eager to experience more.  
His mouth left mine and his body leaned to the side. I opened my eyes to see him searching in a drawer in the nightstand and pulling out a condom. I watched as he smoothed it down over his hard length. My eyes couldn't get enough of the sight of him, my thoughts jumping in anticipation. He was going to put himself inside of me. I was going to feel him deep in my core.  
"Chisato."  
I looked up to see him watching me, ready to trap my gaze in his. He rose up over me while his eyes held mine, his hand moving between my legs, his fingers finding my entrance again and he opened me up to receive him.  
My breath caught in my throat as I felt him begin to press inside. Waves of heat coursed through me as he slowly filled me. It soon became too much. I couldn't look into his eyes any longer. I had to close my eyes and turn my head as I concentrated on the feel of him moving inside of me. It was joy, pure and intense, increasing with each intoxicating stroke, building up higher and higher until it was crashing over me in waves.  
His mouth was all over me, it never seemed to stop. His lips traced my jawline, he rained kisses over my neck. He sucked at my shoulder and nibbled at the curve of my breast. When the need in me sent my hands searching for him, he caught one of them and sucked on my fingers.  
I arched up into him, moaning and crying out as my hips matched his rhythm, rocking up to meet his every thrust. He pulled my fingers from his mouth and captured my other hand, intertwining his fingers with mine and pressing my hands down into the pillow on either side of my head. The look in his eyes changed. He was no longer patiently enjoying himself. His gaze turned fierce and his body began to plunge forcefully into mine, deep and hard.  
I spread my legs wider, pushed closer, offered myself up to him. All of those sensations that had been building and intensifying inside were going to explode. His every stroke brought it closer and I chased after it, desperate for it. When I caught it, it was perfect, zinging through my body like electricity, stealing my breath and darkening my vision.  
"Chisato."  
I pulled myself up from the haze the orgasm had left me in and opened my eyes. His eyes were burning fiercely and his gaze locked onto mine as he plunged deep. I watched his face twist as he found his release. Reaching up, I wound my arms around his body and pulled him down to me, holding him tightly against me.  
He wrapped his arms around me and rolled us over, tangling his legs in mine, holding me close. His mouth pressed kisses to my ear, neck and shoulder. His voice repeated my name in a hushed whisper. "Chisato… Chisato… Chisato."  
I was unable to speak. I was still overwhelmed by the orgasm, gasping and twinging deep inside. I held onto him tightly as my body slowly calmed down. I felt so warm and comfortable, my body relaxing and turning languid, humming with a soft ecstasy.  
He separated himself from me to get up and throw away the condom. When he returned I pulled him quickly back into my arms. He lay on his back and tucked me against his side. My body and mind were falling into sleep. I set a hand on his chest, feeling his slow breathing. In my last moments of awareness, I wondered if he would sleep. If he would feel safe and comfortable if I stayed close to him.

"What's that face?"  
I sat up quickly on the bed, so that my back was to Mamoru as he lay next to me. I took deep breaths and tried to calm my thoughts. I'd woken up earlier and lay quietly on the bed so that I wouldn't wake him. He'd needed his sleep, but lying there in the dimness as the room slowly filled with sunlight, I'd been plagued by guilt, worry and memories.  
It was hard not to feel terrible about my impetuous decision to sleep with him. I'd turned my back on everything that I'd been taught and let my feelings take over. I was struggling not to drown in self hate. I knew - _of course I knew - _that most women lived under a completely different set of rules than I did. I'd been telling myself again and again that the rules I had been taught were too old fashioned, that they didn't apply anymore, but the guilt and doubt was automatic and painful.  
Ever since Hinata had broken off our engagement, I'd begun to slowly evaluate the beliefs that my father had taught me. Beliefs that Hinata had done his best to reinforce. I knew that they were wrong. I knew I had to rid myself of them, but that was easier said than done. I'd been contemplating cutting my father out of my life and looking for a new way to live. I'd foolishly thought that the A.I.D. was going to be an easy path to that new life. I should have known better. Life just isn't that easy. I couldn't fix everything by joining a church and I certainly wasn't going to fix everything by jumping into bed with Mamoru.  
Guilt and shame were clawing at my mind and fear was waiting just outside the apartment door. I felt Mamoru's large hand come to rest on my back. He began stroking gently up and down my spine.  
"Hey, talk to me. Don't keep that stuff bottled up."  
There was no way that I could pour out all of the negative thoughts that had been collecting inside of me. It wasn't the time or the place to do that, and it would be completely unfair to unload on him. I chose something simple to share, something that didn't feel like a gaping wound in my psyche.  
"It's nothing. I just… Hinata is the only other person I've slept with. I never realized how selfish he was in bed until now."  
The bed creaked as he sat up next to me. His hand glided up my spine and his fingers caressed the nape of my neck. "That man's an idiot," he said. "You deserve to be spoiled, Honeybee."  
I took a deep breath as an ugly fist tried to clench around my heart, telling me that I wasn't supposed to be receiving comfort from him, that I didn't deserve it. I was a woman and it was my duty to support the men in my life, not the other way around.  
I closed my eyes against the thought and fled from the pain. I turned to look at Mamoru. He looked so tempting sitting there with the early morning sunlight shining through his messy hair. I reached out to put my hand on his chest, strong and warm, and looked up into his concerned and caring eyes.  
"Let's do it again," I said, turning into him. His arms came around me as I focused on his lips. "Just one more time and then we'll get up and have breakfast."  
"Anything you want," he said, and moved to take my mouth in a deep kiss.  
Everything faded. The pain and the terrible thoughts, the room around us and the rest of the world. There was only Mamoru and the things he did to me, the things he could make me feel.


	8. Moving On Up

"Can you think of anything else?" Tomoko Yamashita asked.  
I was in the penthouse surrounded by Eisuke, his close circle of friends, Olivia and Sakiko, as well as a handful of people from Eisuke's organization. I'd just gone over everything I'd done and everything I'd found during my two investigations, first of Aida and then of Kitano and the A.I.D. I was sitting on a couch with Olivia and Sakiko, but what I really wanted was Mamoru near me.  
He was sitting in his usual chair by the window. We'd decided that this was how it needed to be. We were going back to being friends, just as I'd asked. We weren't going to do or say anything that would make anyone suspect that we'd spent the night together.  
Tomoko looked at Eisuke with a frown. "This doesn't look good. We can't have Mr. Kishi bring the police in on this, Aida has too much control over the police and the legal system. He's also too big for us to take down. We'll have to try to negotiate with him."  
"I don't negotiate with child sex traffickers," Eisuke replied, his voice ice cold.  
"That's right," Baba said. "We have to destroy this guy. Now that we know all of this, we can't just turn our backs on what's going on."  
"_That's impossible,"_ Tomoko cried. "You don't know what you're saying. I didn't even know half of the things Chisato talked about before this meeting started, and even then I'd have told you that there's no way we can touch Aida. He's high up in the government. He's from a prestigious family. He's incredibly rich _and_ he's involved in underground crime. He's too big and he's too powerful."  
"So we're supposed to hear about kids being sold into the sex industry and just forget about it?" Baba asked angrily, glaring at Tomoko.  
"It's not like I don't care about those kids," Tomoko argued. "But I have to think about the people in our organization. Chisato's already under threat. If we start messing with Aida, he's going to turn his attention to more of our people. He might try to take down the the Ichinomiya Group _and_ the underground organization. The man obviously isn't afraid to kill people who get in his way. There's no telling how far he'll go to protect himself."  
"I like a challenge." Eisuke's voice sliced through the room. "And I don't like being told that anyone is too big for me to take on. I want a team working 24/7 to collect as much data as possible about Aida. Personal, political, financial and criminal. I want to know everything about the man. I want people watching Aida at all times, tracking his movements and who he interacts with. I want people undercover in his house, in his offices, and in a few of these churches."  
"_Mr. Ichinomiya,"_ Tomoko said, obviously trying not to shout. "That's too dangerous. Sending people in to spy could be a death sentence! Even just watching from afar would get someone killed. This is not a man to be trifled with."  
My stomach twisted sickly as everyone in the room looked to Eisuke for his response. It felt like I'd accidentally flipped the switch on a nuclear bomb. If he was determined to take down Aida, I wouldn't be the only one who was in danger. I watched as he stared at Tomoko and wondered what was going through his mind.  
"The little dog can take down the big dog, he just has to be quicker and smarter," Eisuke began. I felt the tension in the room ratcheting up even higher. "We'll ask for volunteers for all spying positions. No one will be assigned against their will. Prepare for a long game. I want new identities created for the people who volunteer to spy immediately. Get them moved into new apartments and working in new jobs. I want their real identities to be absolutely untraceable. They need to be prepared to infiltrate Aida's sphere at any time. Assign a team to find openings so that we can send them in as soon as possible."  
The only sound in the room was the scritch of pen on paper and keyboards clacking as people made note of Eisuke's orders. "I want volunteers watching Aida starting today. All we have to do is find an opening and a sniper can take him out-"  
"_Someone will just step up to take his position,"_ Tomoko interrupted. "Killing Aida isn't going to make all of this go away."  
"I appreciate the fact that you aren't afraid to question me, Miss Yamashita," Eisuke said in a voice filled with such a deadly threat that fear shivered up my own spine. "But at this point you just take notes and do what I tell you to do."  
Tomoko pressed her lips together and nodded her compliance. Eisuke continued giving instructions. "Look for an opportunity for a sniper to take down Aida and investigate the people who are most likely to take over if he's killed. I want plans for a sniper shot on all of them, but we'll see if we can take them out financially and politically first."  
"Eisuke." This time it was Soryu interjecting. His voice was calm as he spoke his opinion. "We can't just go killing a bunch of people. It makes more sense to get a deep understanding of the inner workings of his organization and then start making critical hits against it."  
"This man is threatening my people and committing crimes against children. I want him dead. I want anyone dead who's willing to step into his shoes," Eisuke said as calmly as if he were telling us what he wanted for lunch.  
"Right now Aida's operatives are going after our operatives," Ota joined the discussion. "If we start taking pot shots at him and his inner circle, he's going to target the five of us. I'm not interested in losing my head."  
As Ota casually flipped his fingers through his wavy hair, I started trembling. Guilt was like razor blades in my veins. What had I done? How many lives were going to be in danger because I'd blindly done whatever the hell I'd wanted to do? I couldn't stop my eyes from going to Mamoru. His face held his usual bored and sleepy expression, but he couldn't be unmoved by the conversation going on around him. I knew that he had to be hiding his reactions.  
"You're welcome to find somewhere else to paint your pictures any time," Eisuke replied to Ota.  
Ota responded with a laugh. "That's too much trouble. I'd rather wear a bulletproof vest for the next few years than move my studio."  
"There are more potential ramifications to targeting Aida," Soryu said. "He'll use his political clout to block projects that we have in the works. The new hotel in Okinawa, the factory in Matsue. There's no telling how much of a mess he could make of things."  
"Business opportunities are not more important than children," Eisuke said. He was starting to get impatient.  
"I agree with you," Soryu said. "We just need to be prepared for all possible ways Aida will try to strike back at us."  
"Yamashita, take your team and get started. I expect a report on your progress at the end of the day," Eisuke said. "Have Aruku and Fujitani analyze our vulnerabilities so that we can prepare for attacks from Aida."  
We all watched quietly as Yamashita and the others left the penthouse. Olivia was the first to speak up after they left. "So what about Chisato? How can we keep her safe if Aida is so powerful?"  
"She'll stay in the penthouse," Eisuke replied. "She can have Soryu's apartment."  
"That's a great idea," Sakiko said. "Don't worry. We replaced the bed after Mei left. And the sofa. And the carpet."  
I raised my eyebrows in shock, but before I could respond Olivia was questioning Eisuke's decision. "You're locking her in the penthouse? For how long? You said you'd have to play a '_long game'_ and Ota said '_years'_. You can't expect Chisato to stay in this penthouse for that long."  
"We did look into moving her to another country," Soryu explained. "But she won't be safe from Aida just because she relocates."  
"Are you kidding me? What is wrong with these people?" Olivia complained. "What about the island in Dubai? She should be safe on the island, right? At least there she can go outside."  
"And an enemy could land a boat on the island, fly in with a helicopter or even send someone in scuba gear swimming up to the shore," Soryu countered. "The penthouse is the safest possible place. She'll stay here for now."  
My eyes had been bouncing back and forth between Olivia and Soryu as they discussed my future and the very real threat that hung over me. Soryu turned his attention to me and his voice took on a kinder tone. "Is that going to be okay with you, Chisato?"  
"Yes, of course," I said, words tumbling out of my mouth. "I'm just so sorry for what I've done. I don't want to be any kind of a burden and I can't believe that things are going so far because of what I did."  
"Don't apologize," Eisuke said. "You discovered a crime that we all want to bring to an end. If not for you, there's no telling how long this would have gone on. I can't promise an immediate end to Aida and the A.I.D., but I can promise that I _will_ bring them down."  
Eisuke turned his attention to Olivia. "I've already informed your team that Chisato will need a new wardrobe and other essentials. They're on standby until this meeting is over. Get with them immediately so they can start purchasing the things Chisato needs."  
He looked up and scanned the room. "Everyone needs to be on red alert. We'll increase security for the hotel and the penthouse. Stay off the streets and make sure you're never an easy target. We're all as vulnerable to a sniper shot as we allow ourselves to be."  
With those final words, Eisuke turned on his heel and headed towards the stairs that led to the second floor. Soryu moved to follow him, while Baba and Ota left through the front door. I glanced over at Mamoru as Olivia texted Daichi to let him know we were ready for him.  
Mamoru tipped his head back against the chair and was relaxed in the sunlight that shone through the window. It made his hair glow and emphasized the lines of his face. If I looked closely, I could see that his eyes were open just the slightest bit. Watching me.

"Hey, Chisato."  
I turned around to see Mamoru approaching me with his cell phone in his hand. I'd been standing at the french doors that led out onto the terrace, watching gray rain fall from the gray sky. The talk with Daichi about my favorite clothing brands and colors had ended more than an hour ago. Everyone had left the penthouse except Mamoru and the guards and servants who were somewhere behind closed doors.  
I barely knew what to do with myself. Olivia had given me a stack of magazines and there was a television, but I'd just been wandering around staring blindly at expensive decorations or gazing out windows at the outside world that I'd been suddenly cut off from. My mind was playing an endless loop of what I should have done or could have done differently to avoid all of this. Even though I knew it was futile, I just couldn't stop.  
"You've got a phone call," Mamoru continued, his voice businesslike. "It's one of the officers that was at your apartment yesterday."  
Yesterday. It felt like years ago since I'd stood in my apartment surrounded by the wreckage of my life. I reached my hand out for the phone, wondering what a police officer could possibly need to say to me. I was already well aware that the case would never be solved.  
"Ms. Kurihara, this is officer Natsumizu," the voice on the line said. "I'm just calling to update you on the conversation that we had with Hinata Tenkawa regarding his whereabouts yesterday."  
"Yes, Sir. What did he have to say?" I asked. Hopefully he'd been somewhere and had an alibi. It wouldn't be easy for him if he'd been sitting around his apartment, listening to music and reading books about Asian history.  
"According to Mr. Tenkawa he was playing footvolley with a team from his workplace in the morning. We've already contacted people to confirm that this is the truth. After that he claimed that he '_just wandered around, walking and shopping'_ for several hours. When we asked him what sort of shopping he'd done and requested receipts as proof, he started to get belligerent," the officer explained.  
"Oh, that's not good," I said, cringing as I pictured Hinata's enraged face. He had a bad temper and little respect for people whom he concerned lower class than himself. Police officers definitely fell into that category.  
"We strong armed him a little. We're not playing around on this case. We understand it's important to Detective Kishi that we find the perp who broke into your apartment. In the end Mr. Tenkawa admitted that he'd spent some time at a soapland and then went to a store that specializes in pornography. He was able to provide us with the receipts to back up his story," the officer said. I could hear the laugh that he was holding back. "At this time it appears that Mr. Tenkawa was not the person that broke into your apartment, but we've asked him to provide financial documents from his bank. We'd like to make sure that he didn't pay someone else to do the work for him. Mr. Tenkawa didn't seem the type who'd want to get his hands dirty."  
For a moment I was so shocked that I was speechless. High and mighty Hinata was hiring prostitutes and buying porn? Had he done that sort of thing when we were together? Certainly there were plenty of times when he had claimed to be meeting friends or taking care of personal business. I felt my stomach clench in disgust. He'd been so critical of my every move and complained if I spent money "inappropriately" but he hadn't just been cheating on me, he'd been _paying_ for it? Anger bubbled in my veins.  
"When he gives you his financial documents, I'd like to see them. Maybe for the last year?" I was going a little crazy, but Officer Natsumizu readily agreed that he would give me a copy of the documents. "And I wouldn't mind if you strong armed him a little more. Don't hesitate to make him uncomfortable."  
"Sure thing, Ms. Kurihara," he said. "We take care of our own."  
I ended the call and handed the phone back to Mamoru in a daze. My mind was spinning. It seemed that there were problems in every direction that I looked. I was in danger, my friends were in danger, my belongings had been destroyed, my job was on hold while I was imprisoned in the penthouse, and now it seemed that my bad luck was even reaching back to tear up my past. Up until the moment Hinata had looked at me and told me he wanted to break up, I'd thought things were fine between us. I'd thought I was in a solid, steady relationship that would soon turn into a comfortable marriage.  
After the breakup, I'd begun to question how Hinata had treated me. Since my night with Mamoru, I'd realized that we hadn't even had a good sexual relationship. Now it seemed likely that Hinata had been cheating on me for a long time. And paying for it. I shook my head in disgust and looked up at Mamoru. He was looking down at me with a curious expression and a little smile.  
"Everything okay?" he asked.  
"Yeah," I said. He wasn't supposed to be my friend, he was just an acquaintance. I couldn't complain about my personal life to him while we were being observed by guards. I shouldn't burden him regardless. My problems were my problems and Mamoru had issues of his own to deal with. "Hinata's alibi checked out, but they're requesting a copy of his bank records to make sure he didn't pay someone else to do it."  
Mamoru nodded and suddenly the moment grew awkward. I could see in his eyes that he had more to say, questions or comments that couldn't be spoken aloud when others were listening. I shifted from one foot to the other and looked down, breaking eye contact. How would we end this conversation if we were truly just acquaintances? I struggled to pull myself together and get back on track.  
"Well-" Mamoru began, but he was interrupted by a maid stepping into the room  
"Please excuse me, Mr. Kishi and Miss Kurihara. Lunch is served," she said with a polite smile.  
I gave an inward sigh of relief as Mamoru and I both turned towards the dining room.  
"I wonder what we're having," Mamoru said, his voice casual. "The best part of being in the penthouse is the food."

I was being sneaky, following through with a plan that I'd cobbled together as I stared out the window after lunch, watching cars far below pull up in front of the Tres Spades and then drive away in the pouring rain.  
I looked up from the magazine that I was pretending to read and scanned the room before I put the magazine down to rub my hands over my bare knees and tug down the hem of my borrowed dress. I picked the magazine back up, just to put it down with a sigh a couple of minutes later. I looked over at Mamoru. He was in his usual chair reading over some documents. I made sure that I looked at him long enough for anyone watching to think I was seriously contemplating what I was about to say.  
"Mamoru?" I called and watched as he looked up from the papers in his hands and raised his eyes to meet mine.  
"What's up?" he drawled lazily. He should have been calling me Honeybee, but had dropped the endearment so that no one would guess we'd been intimate.  
"It's making me really nervous to be in here," I said, looking around at the large room. "It's too big. I feel exposed and I keep thinking about Takahiro and his father coming in here and shooting at everyone. Do you think it would be okay if I mostly stayed in Soryu's apartment? I think I'd feel safer in there but I don't know if the guards will think it's better for me to be in here. Are there cameras in Soryu's apartment?"  
"There aren't cameras in the apartments," Mamoru said. "But I don't think that matters. The guards don't have to watch you, they just have to watch the entrances. It isn't a problem for you to stay in the apartment, especially if it makes you feel safer."  
I felt satisfaction spread through me as he said there weren't any cameras and confirmed my assumption that it would be okay to say in the apartment. "And… Uh… Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think you usually spend a lot of time hanging out in the sitting area? Would you mind sitting in the living room in the apartment? I'd feel so much better if I wasn't alone."  
"Well, I think that'd be alright. If there isn't a good chair for sleeping, I'll just take this one back there," Mamoru answered and paused to think. "There are two bedrooms in there. If you'd like, I can stay in the other one for a while. I'd like to stay in the penthouse while we're getting this Aida problem sorted out, anyway, but only if your comfortable with that."  
"I'd appreciate that, actually," I said. "But I thought all of Eisuke's friends had apartments in the penthouse?"  
Mamoru shook his head. "Soryu used to stay here at times, but I never have. My apartment was converted into a studio for Ota long ago."  
While I nodded my understanding, Mamoru stood up and signalled with his hand. A door opened immediately and a guard stepped into the room.  
"We're going to move into Soryu's apartment, as I'm sure you've all just heard," Mamoru said. "If anything suspicious happens, let me know immediately. And if anyone's looking for me, that's where I'll be."  
The guard replied with a "Yes, Sir" and I hurried to ask a question. "Excuse me. I'm sorry if this sounds stupid but I noticed that there's a lock on the apartment door, the bedroom door and the bathroom in the master bedroom. I'll keep the apartment door locked, but if something happens, I should lock the bedroom door and then lock myself in the bathroom, right? I mean… I know it sounds obvious, but I just can't help but worry that I'll be t-t-trapping m-myself in there."  
I purposefully allowed my fear to show. I _had_ been mulling the question over in my mind. Would it better to be locked in or not? There were panic rooms on the first and second floors, but there was little chance that I'd be able to leave the apartment and get to one if someone invaded the penthouse. But at that time, what I really wanted was for people to be aware that I'd be locking the apartment door.  
_Conniving_ is what my father would have called it. Putting together a plan and looking at it from all angles in order to get what I wanted. He'd always said that it was a skill my mother had excelled at, perfect for a criminal or a loose woman. He'd punished me whenever he felt like I was showing signs of plotting, planning or manipulating. I was short of breath as my plan entered its final stages. It was already all but done. Mamoru had agreed and even offered to move in.  
I was stuck in the penthouse for the foreseeable future, maybe even for a very long time. I was trapped with very few ways to escape the worries that clouded my mind. I was taking the chance to get something that I wanted. Something to make this new life livable.  
The guard looked at me kindly, with understanding in his eyes. I pushed down the guilt I felt for using him. "Well, Ma'am, you're right," he said. "The best thing to do is to lock all those doors and hunker down in the bathroom. If someone does make it in here, the best thing you can do is put as many barriers between them and you as possible. It gives us more time to get reinforcements up here to ensure your safety. So you lock those doors if the alarm goes off or you hear any kind of commotion."  
"Okay. I'll do that. Thank you," I said. Mamoru was gathering his papers and files from his table and I picked up my stack of magazines as the guard disappeared back behind his door.

"Sorry," Mamoru said. He sat the stack of files and papers he was carrying down on the floor and took my magazines out of my hands to place them next to his stack. "It took me a minute to understand what you really wanted."  
"I'm going to have to deduct some points from your test score, Detective," I said with a laugh, feeling happiness bubbling up inside of me. We were finally alone.  
He backed me up against the door and engaged all of the locks before taking my head in his hands. "Then I'll have to try really hard on the extra credit."  
His mouth came down on mine in a hungry kiss, his tongue hot and demanding. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him close, pushing back with my own tongue, claiming just as much from him as he was taking from me. My body was already hot with desire and anticipation. I pressed my aching breasts against his chest and thrust my hips forward, searching out the hard shaft of his manhood. I wanted to feel it against me.  
I slid my hands down to caress his firm behind, pulling him towards me as I pushed myself against his erection. He didn't stop me or complain. He didn't lecture me about how my forwardness was not womanly or how I was insulting him as a man. I was learning that he would always let me touch him as I pleased and do whatever I wanted.  
He tore his mouth from mine and knelt in front of me, saying, "This dress has been driving me crazy since you put it on." His lips followed the path of the hem, dropping kisses across both of my thighs before he pushed the dress up to my stomach and reached up with his free hand to pull my panties down.  
He slipped off my shoes before he removed the panties and tossed them to the side. I met his eyes as he knelt, looking up at me, his hands sliding back up my legs.  
"Here?" I asked. I felt as if I could barely breathe, desire was pounding through my entire body. "Someone might hear us."  
"You'll just have to control yourself," he said, pushing up the dress with one hand while his other hand hooked itself under my knee and lifted my leg to set it over his shoulder. "I can't wait any longer to taste you again."  
I gasped in shock at his blunt words, but my body responded by throbbing with increased need. He pressed his mouth between my legs and his tongue slid between my folds, licking from my entrance to my swollen nub. I quivered under his mouth and hot pleasure radiated out with every lap of his tongue, filling my body.  
I slapped my hand over mouth to contain that moan that wanted to escape. This was too quick. Where was the kissing and the exploring hands? He'd gone straight for the prize and the sudden intensity was almost too much to bear. My body was shaking and spasming as his mouth devoured me.  
It was a blissful torture. I couldn't deny that I wanted his mouth on me, even as I struggled to accept the sharp sensations that he was creating and could barely contain the cries that wanted to fly past my lips.  
He let the dress go and moved his hands to cup the cheeks of my behind, squeezing rhythmically as he sucked and nibbled on my tender flesh. The fabric fell over his head, obscuring him from my view, and I quickly moved to pull it away, burying the fingers of my free hand in the unruly locks of his hair.  
I used that hand to tug him towards me, pushing myself into his mouth, without a hint of shame. I wanted it, the feel of him ravaging my most intimate place. He wasn't holding back, he was invading me and taking pleasure from it and I wanted to match him. I wanted the release that his tongue promised.  
He brought a hand around and pushed two fingers up inside of me to stroke them slowly in and out as he tongue drew circles around my pulsing clitoris. I choked back moans. I wanted to beg him to touch that swollen berry of flesh, but I didn't trust myself enough to take my hand away from my mouth. There was no way that I would be able to control the sounds that were trapped in my throat.  
One of his hands was still rubbing my behind. Without warning, this hand moved, the fingers curving to slip between my cheeks. I froze in surprise as a fingertip stroked gently over the hole that was hidden there. I held my breath in disbelief and focused on that wayward finger. It felt…good, but it was just too wrong. I was ready to pull my hand from my mouth to tell him to stop when his tongue finally found the swollen nub that had been begging for his attention.  
Moans filled my mouth, puffing my cheeks as they were trapped inside. They were higher pitched now that his tongue and his fingers were working on me in unison. A synchronized team intent on conquering me. I never had a chance. I was utterly lost to him, caught in the fever of pleasure that his caresses were creating. I pitched over the edge, an orgasm rocking through me, squeezing the fingers that moved inside of me, pressing myself into his tongue.  
I nearly collapsed on him as the muscles in my legs threatened to give out. My fingers twisted cruelly in his hair as I fought to keep myself upright, but he didn't complain. He hands moved to push the dress up as his mouth trailed kisses up, over my stomach and between my breasts, not stopping until he'd climbed up my neck and his lips brushed my ear.  
"I want more. Take off your clothes."  
He backed away from me, shrugging out of his suit jacket and tugging off his tie. I stepped away from the door on wobbling legs. It felt as if my mind was holding its breath. I couldn't think, I could only act. I did what he told me to do. I pulled the dress off and dropped it to the floor without a thought. My bra quickly followed. I stepped towards him, ready to follow blindly wherever he led.  
He'd undone his belt and unfastened his pants. I could see his hard bulge pressing against the fabric of his underwear, framed by either side of his zipper. My hand itched to reach out and touch it, but I wasn't quite brave enough. Instead I looked up at him, my eyes asking for more.  
He bent me over the arm of a couch and his tip was at my entrance a moment later, pressing to get in. My arms propped my body up on the couch while my cheek rested on the smooth fabric. I could feel him pushing slowly into me and hear his ragged breathing. This was wanton, reckless, promiscuous. Receiving oral sex while standing against a door and then being..._fucked_...while bending over a couch? These must be the sort of things that people did in pornographic movies. These were things that I had never imagined I would do.  
I wanted it, though. His hard shaft was filling me and I just wanted more of it. I wanted to forget all of my worries, each and every one, and Mamoru had the power to make that happen. When he was touching me, I could only think of him and the way he made me feel. I could only focus on how much I wanted more of him.  
"I don't have a condom but don't worry, I won't cum in you," he said.  
I was beyond caring. He was moving inside of me and I only wanted the next hard thrust. Each and every one of them. Pounding into me as his hands gripped my hips and pulled me back into him as he buried himself deep inside of me again and again. I wanted it, all of it. The pleasure piling on top of pleasure, the orgasm that nearly made me scream, the liquid heat of his semen falling onto my back.  
I'd found the pleasure of fucking and turned into a slut overnight. My father had always said that I'd had it lurking within me, all of the traits that my mother had passed onto me. I was all but imprisoned in an apartment, in a penthouse in a hotel, locked away from the rest of the world. I was ready to be that slut that I had always feared. As long as the pleasure hid the pain.


	9. Hiding

"It's Christmas."  
The words slipped out of my mouth as it suddenly dawned on me. I'd never really done much to celebrate Christmas, so it wasn't forgetting the day that bothered me. Instead, I was struck by the sudden understanding of just how profoundly cut off I was from the rest of the world. It had been four days since I moved into the apartment in the penthouse. I'd only left it for meals, to walk in the open air on the terrace, and to spend time with Olivia. Even then, she mostly visited me in the apartment.  
"That's right," Mamoru said. "Merry Christmas."  
He'd set up a workspace for himself next to a window. A table and a comfortable chair. A laptop had joined his usual files and papers. He was staying abreast of the information Eisuke's team collected on Aida. So far I'd avoided anything to do with the investigation. I didn't want to know anything. I couldn't handle one more drop of guilt or worry when it came to the danger Aida posed to so many people.  
I was also staying away from Mamoru...during the day. He worked at his table and I sat on the couch, reading and trying to learn to knit. Olivia had brought me knitting needles and yarn. Mamoru and I were maintaining our distance during the day. It was impossible to predict when someone would knock on the apartment door. I didn't want anyone to find out that the two of us were involved in an illicit relationship.  
"Merry Christmas," I replied with a smile. "I'll have to start watching the news or something so that I at least know what day it is. I actually had a present for you. It was a pen and a neck pillow. They must have been destroyed along with everything else."  
"A neck pillow, huh?" Mamoru said with a little laugh, keeping the conversation light. "I thought you hated me sleeping in my chair."  
"I wouldn't say that I hated it. I don't even…" My voice trailed off as I ran out of words that I could speak aloud. I'd never had the right to judge Mamoru for sleeping. Especially since I hadn't known anything about him.  
He laughed. The sound was warm and rich. It went through me like the first sip of hot chocolate. He was suddenly too far away. The long lines of his body, his hands and his mouth. The need to touch him that underlay every moment of my days suddenly strengthened until it was nearly unbearable.  
My face must have betrayed me.  
"Baba's stopping by after he finishes talking to Eisuke," Mamoru said, his voice low and laced with sex, his eyes making promises. "Whatever you're thinking, save it for later. I want it."  
I nodded and sat the yarn and knitting needles that I'd been holding down on the table in front of me. They'd barely held my attention in the first place, there was no use trying to practice knitting when all I could think about was doing naughty things with him. The tension of sexual frustration filled my limbs, making them ache. I thought about cleaning something, even though everything was already clean. I'd taken over upkeep of the apartment since I enjoyed cleaning and needed something to keep my mind off my worries. Well, that was the official story. Really, I just didn't want a maid finding evidence that I was sleeping with Mamoru.  
"You definitely hated me sleeping," he said, picking up the original thread of conversation, his voice still warm with laughter. "Every time you came here you glared at me like a librarian glares at noisy children. It's okay, though. Lots of people look at me strangely when they notice me sleeping in my chair."  
I felt the guilt his words caused and let it pass. I hadn't known that he had trouble sleeping. My judgemental stares didn't seem to have bothered him. "How do you know how people are looking at you? You're asleep," I pointed out, jumping into the conversation and letting it carry me away from my desire for him.  
"Maybe not as asleep as people think," he replied, laughing again. "I'm a detective. I know how to sleep with one eye open."  
"So you're a _faker_," I accused, holding my laughter back, trying to sound serious. "A detective should be more trustworthy."  
"What trust?" he scoffed. "If people are going to do or say something right in front of someone who's sleeping, they should know they could be seen or overheard."  
Before I could respond there was a knock at the door and Mamoru went to let Baba in. Baba came directly over to plunk down next to me on the couch. "Merry Christmas, Chisato," he said, passing me a small gift bag. "How's it going?"  
I opened the bag to find a Rubik's cube, a book of crossword puzzles and a little stuffed cat. "Thank you so much, Baba, and Merry Christmas. Sorry I couldn't get you anything. All the stores in the penthouse have been closed," I joked lamely.  
We laughed together and I glanced up to catch Mamoru's eye. A little thrill went through me as I realized he was jealous. I looked at Baba mischievously. "Hey, Baba. Did you realize that Mamoru pretends to sleep so that he can eavesdrop and spy on people?"  
"What? No way!" he said, laughing. "Who would spy on conversations in the great room? There are already like five or six guards listening to everything you're saying. No one tells secrets in there."  
"I'm not trying to spy on people," Mamoru said a little peevishly. "I'm just avoiding interactions."  
"Ah, so the truth comes out!" I crowed, giggling. "He's not practicing his detective skills, he's antisocial."  
"Well, there's no surprise there," Baba said with a sigh. "He's probably thrilled to be hiding in here with you. He can avoid the crowd in the great room."  
"Yeah, Chisato has yet to disturb me by parading in a gaggle of drunk party girls," Mamoru shot back.  
Baba laughed. "Mamoru is tired, antisocial and doesn't like party girls. All old news. Tell me how you're doing. Are you wasting away in here? Turning into a ghost?"  
"I'm okay," I said, "but I _am_ a little bored. When you're trying to waste time, everything seems boring. I would have loved to have a ton of free time when I was working."  
"Too much time is the worst," Baba replied. "I understand that completely. I actually work at the convenience store down behind the hotel to kill time. I like to stay busy."  
"What? I thought you looked familiar when I first met you," I said, peering at Baba's face. "I thought that I'd just seen you around the hotel. But now I see it, I just need to picture you with a blue and white striped shirt. I never would have guessed."  
"How about video games?" Mamoru interrupted. "Do you play any video games?"  
"Not a lot," I answered. "But I do like Stardew Valley."  
"Stardew Valley?" he replied, his face brightening. "Let's play together. I'll get you a laptop."  
"That sounds great," I said, trying not to smile at him too warmly. I didn't want Baba to pick up on any weird vibes.  
While Mamoru picked up his phone, presumably to text someone about getting me a laptop, Baba said, "I almost forgot. Your father's been calling the hotel looking for you, Chisato. You'd better call him."  
The mention of my father was like a bucket of ice water being poured down my back. I'd been trying not to think about him, trying to pretend that he didn't even exist. My cell phone was long gone and I hadn't asked for it to be replaced. I didn't want to answer questions, tell lies and try to explain to my father or my friends what had happened to me. I was in my little bubble in the penthouse and I was ignoring the outside world.  
"Ah, okay," I said. "I'll go call him now."  
I went to my bedroom, leaving Mamoru and Baba to a conversation about the suspended underground auction.

"_Chisato? Why haven't you been answering your phone?"_ my father barked as soon as he heard my voice.  
"It's kind of complicated, but I had to get rid of my phone," I said, a familiar feeling of guilt and fear spreading through me, stifling my heart and making it hard to think.  
"What's going on?" He was so very angry. "Hinata said the police accused him of breaking into your apartment and threatening you with a knife? You know Hinata would never do something like that. Why are you making up lies? Is this some pathetic attempt to get him back?"  
I fought off the urge to hang up the phone and told my mix of lies and the truth as quickly as I could. "Remember I mentioned that I was involved in the investigation of a crime that was committed in the hotel? Because of that my apartment was broken into and trashed and my life was threatened. The police had to investigate Hinata as a formality since we recently broke up. I'm in a sort of witness protection program now."  
"What have you gotten yourself involved with?" he demanded. "And what kind of place is that hotel? Did you know this could happen when you took the promotion? Are you sure it isn't that suspicious man who was in your apartment when Hinata went to pick up his cd's? Hinata seems to think he's the one who broke in and threatened you and you're just afraid to say it."  
"_I told you that man is a detective on the case,"_ I said, my nerves fraying. I took a deep breath and tried to keep it together. "Like I said, I'm in witness protection and I might have to stay here for a very long time. I'm just a witness, I didn't commit any crime. I won't be able to see you as long as I'm here, but I'll call when I can."  
When I hung up the phone, my stomach was hollow and there were tears in my eyes. _Did my father even love me?_ He hadn't even asked if I was okay. He hadn't expressed the least bit of concern for my well being. He hadn't complained about not being able to see me or asked if there wasn't something that could be arranged. He'd taken Hinata's side, blamed me and accused me of lying.  
My instincts told me that this should be the end. I should never contact him again but if I did that, he'd just continue to call the hotel. I couldn't let that happen. I'd have to keep calling him, just to keep him quiet.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Mamoru asked when I went back out into the living room. "If you miss your dad he can visit you anytime you want."  
I brushed at my eyes. I'd cried a little after the phone call, they were probably red. "It's okay. I don't need to see him. Phone calls are enough."  
He looked at me curiously, but didn't ask any questions. This was how we did things. He didn't ask too many questions and neither did I. We kept our inner thoughts and our worries to ourselves. Sometimes I had the urge to tell him about what was going on in my head, but I always held back. I knew he had his own issues because of the death of Minami. I'd already added to those by making the situation with Shin Aida so much worse. I was determined not to burden him with anything else.

"_I found a prismatic shard!" _I cried triumphantly and then remembered that Mamoru and I weren't alone. Eisuke was sitting with Mamoru at his table, looking over some documents. I looked over at them apologetically and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you guys. I got too excited."  
"What are you playing?"  
I watched in shock as Eisuke left his seat and crossed to drop down beside me on the couch. He was always so cold and intimidating. I had to force my frozen lips to move and answer him. "Stardew Valley."  
I turned my laptop to give Eisuke a better view while Mamoru said, "It's a farming game with a lot of quests."  
"You're playing together?" Eisuke asked.  
"Yes, for the past three days," I said nervously. "We share a farm."  
"Show me," he said, and I spent the next five minutes giving him a tour of the farm Mamoru and I had built together.  
"I'll play," he said out of the blue. "We'll have to start over with a new farm. I don't want to be behind. This is good. Olivia's at a dinner with her employees. I can play all evening."  
I stared in confusion at Mamoru as Eisuke got up and left the apartment. He gave me a sympathetic smile. "He's going to get his laptop. We'll have to start over. I hope you don't mind."  
"I don't mind," I said, trying to wrap my mind around what was happening. "I'm just surprised that he wants to join us."  
"He loves video games," he explained. "But he's very competitive and loves to gloat. This is your warning."  
"This isn't exactly a competitive game," I said. "We'll be working together on the same farm."  
"That doesn't matter," he said with a laugh. "Whatever he can do faster or better than the two of us, he'll do."  
"Okay…" I said. "If that's what makes him happy."  
Eisuke returned and the three of us started a new game with a new farm that we called 'Tres Farm'. Eisuke took the game very seriously, researching the best methods of doing things and discussing decisions as if they were life and death. He showed up at the apartment every day with his laptop and was often logged into the game and playing even when he wasn't sitting with us in the apartment. Mamoru had been right. He did everything better and faster than the two of us.  
"I always knew it and this is proof," Mamoru said late one morning. "I know for a fact that he's in a board meeting, but he's still playing."  
"I'm sure if you accused him of slacking, he'd just say that he's great at multitasking," I replied. I'd become more relaxed around Eisuke since we'd been playing the game together for a few days. He was demanding, driven and bossy, but he'd never been cruel.  
Mamoru laughed. "You're right, I'd never thought of it that way. This is just another example of the Great and Talented Ichinomiya, harvesting blueberries at the same time that he's questioning the quarterly figures."

"Lie down."  
Mamoru guided me so that I lay face down on his bed. His fingertips skimmed up my back, pushing my shirt out of the way, baring my skin to his mouth. "You're so fucking delicous," he said, his lips brushing over the small of my back as he spoke. "You're the best thing I've ever tasted."  
I stretched under him, sinking into the warm softness of the bed. I let out a sigh as I relaxed. Every night we closed ourselves in one of the bedrooms and I turned my back on the outside world and the uptight, anxious Chisato who lived there. I didn't try to hide anything, not my body or my desires. I let him have his way and I did whatever I wanted to him, without hesitation. I didn't allow any doubts, guilt or self-recriminations to enter my mind. I drowned everything in sex with him.  
I let out a low moan as he unfastened my bra and dropped a kiss on the skin that it had been covering. His hands slipped under the fabric of the bra at each side of my body, his knuckles drawing circles on the sides of my breasts while his mouth licked and sucked its way down my spine. Heat flared in my lower stomach as his tongue lapped and his lips tugged at my skin. His fingers trailed down my sides and hooked into the waistband of my yoga pants, sliding them down my legs and off, taking my panties with them.  
He worked his way slowly back up my legs, his fingers massaging and his tongue lapping, swirling over the backs of my knees, his teeth nibbling at my thighs. His touch sent heat and excitement through me, building slowly as he took his time to explore my skin.  
His tongue followed the crease where my thigh met my buttcheek and I said, "Don't lick my ass. I want kisses." I was cussing now. Using words that I'd never spoken, thinking thoughts that were supposed to be forbidden, utterly brazen and wanton.  
"Anything you want," he replied and his hand cupped my shoulder. He rolled me over and I sat up, our hands tangling together as we both worked to take off my shirt and bra.  
I lay back down on the bed and watched as he stood and quickly removed his clothes. He'd been dressing casually since he'd started staying in the apartment. It was so much easier to remove tshirts and jeans instead of his usual suits. "I think you must have an oral fixation," I mused as his clothes hit the floor, thinking of how much time he spent with his mouth somewhere on my body. "What a minute. I haven't seen you smoking lately. Not even that e-cigarette that you showed me."  
"I didn't want to leave you alone in the apartment to go smoke. So I decided to quit cold turkey," he explained as he climbed back onto the bed and positioned himself between my legs. "I decided to forget about the e-cig. I've got better things to do with my mouth."  
As if to prove his point, he sucked a nipple into his mouth and played with it with his tongue and teeth, drawing cries out of me as heat flooded my center and my pussy grew slick and hot. I spread my thighs and wrapped my legs over his, wanting to feel him with every centimeter of my skin. I tangled my fingers into his hair and used my thumbs to trace the contours of his ears, enjoying the feel of his warm skin.  
His mouth abandoned my nipple and trailed up to lick my neck. "Tell me what you want," he murmured against my skin, making my shiver.  
"I want _you_ in my mouth," I said and he responded with a soft groan, rolling us over until I lay on his strong chest. I took my time working my way down his body. He'd taught me the pleasures of foreplay and tasting him with my mouth, feeling the textures and contours of his skin with my tongue, hearing him sigh and moan as I made him feel good.  
I swirled my tongue over his nipples and drew them into my mouth, rolling them with my tongue and biting them with my teeth. It made my core throb to hold him in my mouth like that. It made me feel powerful and wicked to know that I was making his heart pound and his body jerk with the electric shock of pleasure. I wanted him to feel just as breathless and hot as he made me feel. I wanted him to melt like putty in my hands, to give me his release.  
I trailed my way over his flat stomach and took his cock in my hand. It was hard and hot, pulsing with desire. I licked it, starting at the base and working my way to the tip, tasting his skin and lapping up the liquid that leaked out. He groaned and the sound echoed deep within me, making my hips jerk towards him. I drew circles on his tip with my tongue and sucked him between my lips, getting him wet with my saliva, preparing to fuck him with my mouth while I played with his balls with one of my hands.  
He reached a hand down, brushing it over my forehead and then combing his fingers up into my hair, his touch gentle, as always. It was like he flipped a switch in my mind, opening a door that had been closed for a very long time. A memory played, the images so strong that thye blocked out everything else.  
For a handful of moments I was nineteen again, in the tiny studio apartment that Hinata lived in when he was in college. His hand was on the top of my head, pushing me down towards his crotch. His touch was not mean or rough, but firm and commanding. He'd always expected me to obey. His voice fell over me, "Every girl should know how to please her man."  
It hadn't been a bad experience. I was young and in love. We'd waited nearly a year to have sex, until I was ready and we were sure of our relationship. I'd been eager to please him, anxious to get it right. He'd been patient and taught me what to do and I'd been proud of myself when he finally released his seed in my mouth. The memory was not exactly bad, but it tore a gaping hole inside of me. It left me breathless with panic and despair.  
I jerked away from Mamoru, looking up at him in alarm, jumping to my feet.  
"What's wrong?" he asked, confused and concerned. He reached a hand out to me. "Chisato? What is it?"  
"I have to go," I cried, already spinning around and rushing towards the door. I crashed through it as if I were being chased and ran to my bedroom. Locking the door behind me, dashing to the bathroom and locking that door to. Following the emergency plan that I'd practiced in my mind over and over again, in case the penthouse was invaded.  
The bathroom was large, as you'd expect of the penthouse. There was an enormous bathtub and separate shower, counters of pretty granite and gleaming hardware. It was cold and foreign and I was utterly alone as my mind reminded me that problems were piled on my doorstep. I couldn't hide from them by playing video games and having sex with Mamoru. If I wasn't going to open the door, they would break it down.  
I turned on the tub and stepped into it, sinking down to sit on the cold porcelain and let the water flow and rise around me. I cried. I was messed up, falling apart inside, broken. I didn't like what was inside of me, everything that had been taught to me by my father and then reinforced and expanded on by Hinata. I felt completely lost and alone, drowning in fear and uncertainty with no idea where to turn or what to do.  
There would be no rescue for me and there was no solution. All that I could do was cry until the tears stopped and then collapse onto my bed to sleep. Mamoru didn't disturb me. He didn't bang on the door or force his way in. He may have knocked when I was in the bathtub with the water running, but if so, he'd gone away when I didn't answer. He sent a text, a simple, '_Are you okay?'_ and I answered, '_Yes. I'll talk to you in the morning.' _  
But it was shattered, that fragile bubble that I'd created to block out the real world, and it wasn't coming back.


	10. Issues

I unlocked my bedroom door and let myself out into the apartment the next morning, feeling fragile and slightly ill. I'd cried too much, slept too little and there were so many worries on my mind that it felt like I'd never escape. I kept my arms wrapped around myself, hugging myself, as if I were cold or about to fall apart.  
Mamoru was sitting at his table by the window. His eyes watched me as I stepped out of the bedroom and quietly closed the door behind me. His hair was a mess and his face was dark. He looked awful. He must not have slept after I ran from the room. More guilt was added to the hollow weight inside my stomach.  
"Hey," he said, his voice gentle and quiet. "Are you okay?" He put the papers he was holding down, stood up and began walking towards me, doing everything slowly as he if might frighten me away.  
I watch him blankly, my mind playing over the list of reasons that I should feel guilty when it came to him, leaving me in a daze. I blinked when I realized he stood in front of me and stepped back, putting more distance between us.  
"It's okay," he said softly, his eyes filling with concern. "Come and sit down. Tell me what's wrong."  
I followed him mutely, taking my usual seat on a couch, watching as he sat in the closest chair. I stared at him. I knew that he deserved an explanation, but my tongue was frozen. I never did this. I never talked to people about my problems. I was taught by my father not to burden the men in my life with my childish feminine issues. When it came to my friends, I'd tried to always be the kind and caring one, the one that listened to the problems of others, not the one that had problems.  
Mamoru and I had avoided serious talk. He didn't know anything about what was going on inside of me. It was all such a horrible tangle, I didn't even know where to begin, but I owed him an explanation.  
I wrapped my arms every tighter around myself, clenching my fists into the thick yarn of the cardigan that I wore. "I have a lot of issues that I need to work out because of my father and my ex-fiance." Just speaking the words aloud made me start crying, as if I were somehow opening a lid on my feelings. I pulled a tissue out of my pocket and dabbed at my eyes. "Just a lot of issues."  
"I see," he said. His eyes traced over my face, searching for clues to what was going on inside. "You know you can talk to me, right?"  
"I can't," I said, pain twisting inside of me, threatening to choke of my words.  
"Of course you can," he replied. "You can tell me anything. I'm here to listen to you and support you. I want you to understand that."  
"I can't," I said again. There was no way that I could tell him that I was conditioned not to complain to men about my problems. Those words were locked inside my throat, so I used the only excuse that I could speak escape. "You have enough issues of your own. You don't need to worry about mine."  
"I've got issues?" he asked. "What are you talking about?"  
"You haven't been the same since Minami's death. Everyone says it. You don't sleep at night and then you sleep all day." The worry for him that I'd been holding onto all this time was finally being released. "You don't work as a detective anymore. You don't do your job. You just sit in the penthouse day after day."  
"Yeah," he said, looking away from me, obviously angry at what I'd said. "But that's not the topic right now. You really freaked out last night. I want to help you."  
I shook my head, back and forth, too many times. Everything seemed too big, too many, too overwhelming. There was nothing that Mamoru could do, even if I could talk to him. No one could reach inside and fix me and there was no escaping myself. "You can't," I said, my voice breaking with a sob.  
"You're saying '_can't'_ too much," he said, reaching out a hand to touch me.  
"No," I said, my voice too loud, too forceful, too dead. I leaned back, avoiding him.  
"What?" He was shocked and hurt. He pulled his hand back, glancing at it as if wondering what was wrong with it.  
"You can't do that. You can't touch me anymore," I said. "We can't do those things anymore."  
"Those things?" he repeated, testing the words in his mouth.  
"We can't be sex friends anymore," I explained. I needed him to understand. I didn't want him to try and touch me again. I felt like I would break if he came into contact with me. "It's just… I just can't."  
"Sex friends." This time his voice was louder. He stood up and put his hands over his eyes. I watched as he stood motionless for endless moments before he dropped his hands back down to his sides. "Well. Forgive me. I think you're right. I've made a mistake. We can't be sex friends anymore. I think we've been on a different page this whole time."  
He turned to look over at his table and then back down at me. "I meant what I said. I'll always be available for you to talk to, if you decide you want to talk to me. But I'm gonna take my stuff and go back out to the great room. I don't think I can stay in here anymore."  
He started walking over to his table to gather up his things and I stood up to go back into my bedroom. I couldn't stay and watch him leave. His voice followed me.  
"If you aren't going to talk to me, you need to talk to someone else. Olivia or Sakiko or even Ran Nitta. Talk to someone."

I became a recluse for the next handful of days, locked in the apartment. I requested groceries and began to cook for myself instead of eating in the dining room. I stopped playing Stardew Valley. I didn't bother to work on learning to knit and I didn't try to read. I walked around the apartment, through all the rooms on an endless loop, my mind replaying scenes from my childhood and my relationship with Hinata.  
I explored, reviewed and added up the things that I'd been taught. I felt the way they bound me and stabbed at my soul. I tried to compare them to what I saw other women do, how they acted, what they said and how they lived their lives. I'd always known that I was different. I had tried not to let it show, I'd hidden it behind my smile. Now I tried to examine other women like I was trying to crack a code. I wanted to find my way there, to use the rules that they were functioning under. To forget everything that I'd learned.  
Olivia visited me often. I knew that Mamoru had said something to her. I knew she could tell there was something wrong. She encouraged me to talk to her, but I couldn't do it, even though I wanted to. I'd hidden my problems away for so long, it seemed as if it were impossible to speak of them. The words were stuck in my throat. Choking me. Smothering me.  
"You should talk to Ran Nitta," Olivia said. "She has helped me so much. I just know she'll help you."

I opened the door of the apartment, trying to get my resolve to crowd out the awkward discomfort that made my stomach feel sick. It felt like an eternity since I'd been out into the rest of the penthouse. Mamoru had moved back to his old chair in the great room after we broke up. As far as I knew he was basically staying in it night and day.  
I was afraid to see him. I was consumed by guilt and sadness. I knew that I'd hurt him. I'd said mean things and brought up topics that were supposed to be taboo. He'd only ever been nice to me. He'd only tried to help. I should have broken things off in a kinder way. I'd just made so many mistakes. I never should have given in to temptation and slept with him. As much as I had enjoyed having sex without inhibitions, learning about myself and gaining confidence in myself, I was quite sure that it hadn't been worth the pain. I'd hurt Mamoru and I'd hurt myself.  
I was also no closer to resolving the problems that pressed against my back. Hiding from them had done nothing but increase my worries. I needed to get stronger, to face things head on and move forward. I'd decided to take up the offer of therapy with Ran Nitta. There wasn't a lot that I could do while trapped in the penthouse, but I could certainly work on myself.  
As I neared the end of the hallway, I heard Eisuke's voice coming from the seating area and froze. "So, you've moved back out into my living room permanently. Don't tell me you and Chisato had a falling out," he said, his tone laced with his usual cold cruelty. "Neither of you have been showing up at Tres Farm. I can't take care of it alone."  
"Looks like you'll have to abandon Tres Farm and restart with your own farm. Now you can use the scary map," Mamoru said, his voice a mixture of disinterest and annoyance.  
"What happened?" Eisuke asked. "You finally found the nerve to make a move and got rejected?"  
"Something like that," Mamoru answered.  
"You have to handle women who are in a crisis situation with kid gloves. They're absolutely unstable," Eisuke advised. "Just because she rejected you now, doesn't mean anything. The two of you were getting along very well. Apologize and make up and try again later. Right now I need you to at least patch things up to the point that you can start playing the game again. I was preparing for a major excursion to the desert mine, but I can't do that if I have to water the fucking plants and take care of the animals."  
"Eisuke, if you're finished whining about video games, I need you to take a look at this email from Claasen in Brussels," Soryu's voice interjected. "He thinks Van Agthoven is embezzling from the new construction fund."  
I waited in the hallway for a few more minutes as Eisuke and Soryu discussed the email. Long enough that they wouldn't think I'd overheard the conversation between Eisuke and Mamoru.  
"Good morning, gentlemen," I said as I stepped into the great room. "How is everyone today?"  
Eisuke looked up at me with accusing eyes. "You haven't been logging on to help take care of the farm."  
"Ah. I'm sorry. I've been taking a break," I said, wondering if I should feel so guilty about a game.  
"You should be sorry. I've been taking care of everything myself. When are you going to play again? I want to go on a multi-day quest to see how far down I can get in the desert mine, but I need someone to take care of the farm while I'm away."  
"How about this evening after dinner?" I asked.  
"That'll work," he said. "What about you Mamoru? You playing?"  
I looked over at Mamoru, but as soon as our eyes met he looked away. "No," he said gruffly. "I'm gonna take a nap after dinner."  
My stomach turned and I broke out in a fine sweat. I felt so bad for what I'd done, but also angry at Mamoru for being so rude to me. Was it really okay for him to ignore me just because I didn't want to have sex with him anymore? Had he only ever wanted to get into my pants? I'd thought that he was kind and understanding, but apparently I'd been wrong.  
"I've been thinking that I'd like to talk to Ran Nitta," I said before I could think twice and change my mind.  
"I'll let her know," Soryu said. He alone had a kind look for me. "She's on vacation for another week, but if you need her sooner, I can call her back."  
"Oh, no! Don't do that," I said. "I can wait until she's back. It isn't an emergency."  
I risked another glance at Mamoru before I fled back to the apartment, but he was staring out the window. I was disappointed that I had to wait a week to talk to Ran Nitta, but I was determined to try to make some sort of progress on my own. As soon as I got into the apartment, I pulled out a pen and paper and sat down at the dining room table.  
I'd intended to begin a comprehensive list of the things that I wanted to change about myself. Something neat and organized. Instead, ideas crowded my mind, demanding to get out, clamoring for release. I jotted down phrases and snippets in a rush, not even bothering to write on the lines. The pen scurried across the paper, desperate, pressed too hard, making a mess of things as the pain that I'd been holding in spilled out of me.  
_I'm not a servant. I don't have to make you happy. I have feelings too. I'm not destined to be a bad person. I don't have to be perfect. I __can_ _do well on my own. I shouldn't have to hide who I am. It's not fair to make me think I'll be abandoned if I don't meet your expectations. It's not right to break up with me just because I got a promotion. I can like whatever music I want to! I can eat whatever food I want to! I'm not a slut just because I like sex. I'm not willful just because I have a different opinion…  
_ By the time I'd finished, the paper was covered with scribbles front and back. There were ink smudges and teardrops dotted the surface, distorting letters and words. It was a mess. It was a fucking mess and I loved it. It had taken a little bit of the pressure inside of me away.  
Maybe I couldn't say those words aloud. I'd never been able to say them to my father or Hinata. There had only been 'You don't like this shirt? I'll change it.' 'You don't like eggplant? I'll never prepare it again.' 'This is too much cream in your coffee? I'll be sure to get it right next time.' I'd never been able to say them to friends. I could only pretend like everything was fine with me, smile and play the part. I couldn't complain, let out the ugliness and ask for help.  
But it was out now on that piece of paper. It was a beautiful mess. It was the first step on the road to freedom. I pulled the paper back towards me and wrote '**I will change'** along the bottom. In big dark, heavy letters, going over them again and again with the pen.  
I wouldn't stop. I'd keep pushing forward. I'd no longer run away and hide. I'd run toward the person that I wanted to be. I'd figure it out. I'd find her and I'd get there and I'd never look back.  
I grabbed a notebook and started writing about anything and everything that came to mind. Describing a scene from my childhood one moment and examining my first date with Hinata the next. I wrote for hours. Letting out experiences that had been caught inside for years, memories that were like a collection of nails, stabbing at my soul. I let them out. I set them free.  
I began the long process of setting _myself_ free.

I let myself out of the apartment and slipped across the hall to Olivia's salon. She was waiting inside, a shopping bag sitting next to her on the couch.  
"It's in here," she said, indicating the bag.  
I sat down and started rummaging through the bag. It looked as if she'd randomly thrown things off the shelves at the store into the shopping cart to hide the little box that was at the bottom of the bag. I took it out and clenched it hard in my hand.  
"Are you going to be okay?" she asked "Are you going to come back here and let me know what's going on?"  
"Yeah. Stay here, please," I said, tucking the little box down into the deep pocket in my cardigan. "I'll be right back."  
I went back into the apartment and locked myself in the bathroom, pulling the pregnancy test out of my pocket and staring down at it.  
I felt frozen inside. Worry, shock and fear were all locked behind a dam, ready to be released if the test read positive.  
And it did. Of course it did. This was poetic justice. The good girl strayed and she got her consequence. I stared down at the test, at those two little lines that changed everything, that threw one giant wrench into the already fucked up inner workings of my life.  
I wanted to fall on the floor and cry. I wanted to bury myself in my bed and hide under my blankets, but I made myself go back over to the salon and talk to Olivia.  
She took one look at my face and said, "It's positive."  
"Yeah," I said, sinking down next to her on the couch. I pulled the box out of my pocket and showed her the test. "I'm so stupid. With everything that's been going on I wasn't even paying attention. I never even knew what day it was most of the time, let alone the date. I didn't even think about my period."  
She hugged me, her warmth barely penetrating my frozen insides. "Everything will be okay," she said, and then began hesitantly. "Who is it? Did you get back together with your fiance? Do you want me to arrange for him to come see you? You could have said so earlier."  
"No. Oh god no," I said, shaking my head and wiping at the tears that were slowly seeping out of my eyes. There was nothing to do but tell the truth. "It's Mamoru."  
"_Mamoru?!"_ she exclaimed, looking chagrined as she realized she'd been too loud. "That's- I never would have guessed. But that's fine then. Mamoru is a great guy. He'll be an excellent father. Oh, but, aren't you guys fighting? You're fighting, right?"  
"We broke up," I said, not bothering to tell her that we'd only been friends with benefits. Everything felt so unreal and my mind was working so very slowly. "Don't tell him. Don't tell anyone for now. Just give me some time to think."  
She looked at me carefully before saying, "Okay. If that's what you want. I'll let you decide when it's time to tell Mamoru and everyone else. Just don't take too long, okay? You should see a doctor."  
"Alright," I said. "I just need a few days to get used to the idea. Right now it still doesn't seem real."  
"It's a big shock," Olivia said, smiling to take away any of the sting her words may have contained. "Whatever you need, I'll be here. And everything's your decision, you know? I'll be here to support you, no matter what."  
"Thanks," I said vaguely, looking around at the apartment. "Am I going to have to give birth in here? What happens if it takes years to take Shin Aida down?"  
Olivia responded with a frown and a determined glint in her eye. "I'm not going to let that happen. As soon as you're ready to tell everyone, I'll tell Eisuke that he needs to take care of Shin Aida right away. Everything's different now. It's bad enough to keep _you_ locked in the penthouse, but a baby, too? That's totally unacceptable."

After I returned to the apartment, I sat on the couch and stared blankly for a long time, my mind turning over this new development. A baby. I couldn't even imagine it, mostly because my life was in such disarray. What if I had to have the baby and raise it in the penthouse? If my life was in danger even when I was pregnant, even when I was a mother? The idea was frightening. Olivia had said she'd have Eisuke speed up the process of taking down Shin Aida, but was that even possible? I definitely couldn't depend on it. I'd have to prepare to raise a baby in the penthouse.  
I felt sick when I thought about Mamoru. This was definitely going to come as a shock. Olivia was convinced he'd be a good father, but I wasn't so sure. Certainly he was kind, but he didn't even work. What sort of example was that for a child? I imagined raising a child in the apartment with Mamoru in his chair by the window. It was so unnatural that it was painful.  
I wondered how Mamoru would respond when he learned he was going to be a father. Would he be angry? Would he try to hide it? Would he blame me? Would he come to hate me for messing up his life? What if I was raising the baby alone in the apartment, with Mamoru in his usual chair out in the great room? It was sickening. It was so wrong. We'd have to figure something out. We'd have to get along and at least pretend to be friendly, if only for the sake of the child. He was angry at me for breaking things off and he might be angry at me for being pregnant, but he had nine months to figure out how to forgive me.  
My stomach turned as I thought about my father. He would be furious, there was no question about that. I'd gotten pregnant outside of marriage. It was proof that I really was as tainted and flawed as my mother. He'd expect me to marry Mamoru because that was the way things were supposed to be done. A shotgun wedding. But he'd hate Mamoru, that was for sure. There wasn't a single thing he'd like about him. He'd hate Mamoru and he'd hate me and he'd probably hate the baby.  
I'd thought again and again about stopping communication with my father, of cutting him out of my life entirely. This pregnancy seemed like the last nail in the coffin on our relationship. There was no way that he would accept this child with happiness. There would only be anger and blame. But was it possible to just call him and tell him that I never wanted to speak to him again? Would he accept that? Would he keep calling the hotel if I wouldn't call him? Would he come to the hotel and raise a fuss?  
If I told Eisuke that I wanted to end my relationship with my father and asked for help, would he help me? Would he send a couple of men in suits, or maybe a couple of Soryu's yakuza boys, to tell my father to leave me alone? Was that too ridiculous? Like something out of a movie? And considering that I was in hiding, would my father doubt whatever was said to him? Would he think that I was being forced to break off our connection? With his egotistical way of thinking, he probably couldn't imagine that I didn't love and need him. In the end would he call the police and report foul play?  
I lay down on the couch and pillowed my head on my arms. There were so many things to worry about. I was still caught in the beginning stages of trying to work on my self. Ran Nitta was returning to Tokyo in two days and I had an appointment with her the following morning. She would come to the penthouse and I would do my best to talk to her. I'd been writing out my memories and feelings every day, trying to get used to letting it out. I'd try something new today, I'd read over some of the things I'd written. I'd read it out loud. I'd practice saying it aloud in hopes that it would make it easier to talk to Ran. In the end, if I just couldn't do it, I'm sure she'd understand if I had to start out by writing things down for her to read.  
I spent some time indulging in fantasizing about the best case scenario. What if Shin Aida, his underground organization and the A.I.D. were taken down in one fell swoop? What if I was free to return to my job? I would get a new apartment. Something with a second bedroom for when the baby got older. I'd be able to use the daycare at the hotel. Mamoru and I would get along and have some sort of visitation arrangement. If he wasn't going to work, maybe he could watch the baby during the day and there wouldn't even be a need for daycare. Maybe we could find a way for everyone to be happy and I'd be able to make sure that my child had a good life.  
There were far too many 'what ifs' and 'maybes'. The future was full of uncertainty.

_Author's Note:_ _This is the point where Olivia's second short story spawns. Please start reading it now. I'll get the chapters out as quickly as I can._


	11. Worries and Fears

I looked down at my watch with a sigh. It was freezing out on the terrace, but I wasn't going to go back into the penthouse until it was time for lunch. I continued walking around the perimeter of the rooftop space. It was fairly sad, all of the outdoor furniture had been put away for the winter and the pool was covered. But the sun was bright, the frigid wind was bracing and the air was crisp and clean.  
I was determined to do whatever I could to push myself forward. I'd been meeting with Ran Nitta every day, sometimes even twice a day. It had been very difficult to talk to her at first, but she was excellent at her job and had guided me to a point where it was getting easier and easier to open up to her. I talked to Ran, I journaled until my hand cramped, I walked outside on the terrace before every meal and I forced myself to talk to Mamoru every single day.  
It wasn't easy. He obviously wanted nothing to do with me. I'd stopped hiding in the apartment and now ate all of my meals in the penthouse dining room with whoever happened to be there. Mamoru was almost always there. Even though we were barely speaking, he still hadn't gone back to living in his apartment. He was in his chair by the window day and night, always there to frown at me or avert his eyes whenever I glanced in his direction.  
I made myself talk to him at each meal. Though he obviously didn't want to have any sort of conversation with me. He gave me the shortest possible answers when I asked him questions, he rarely met my eyes and he never spoke unless I spoke to him. It was horribly painful to know that he was so angry with me, he made it obvious that he'd rather I never spoke to him at all. But I couldn't stop trying. I was going to have to tell him that I was pregnant. We were going to have to find a way to get along. Every stilted, uncomfortable exchange that we had was a step in the right direction and I couldn't give up, no matter how much it hurt to see him being so cold to me.  
I'd imagined scenes where I told him that I was pregnant countless times. I'd mentally tried dozens of different words and phrases, trying to get everything right, trying to find the courage to actually speak the words aloud. It seemed impossible. When I actually looked at him and imagined saying those two little words - 'I'm pregnant' - it felt as if I would break in two. I just knew that he would be angry. We may have gotten along before, but it was clear that he didn't like me anymore. He was not going to be happy to learn that he was going to have to associate with me for at least another twenty years.  
I knew that I had to tell him soon, but I just didn't want to see the look in his eyes when the words came out of my mouth. It was so hard for me to accept that I was pregnant, to comprehend that there really was a tiny baby growing inside of me. It would hurt way too much if his response was too negative. I was building a fragile new self, trying to become the person that I wanted to be as well as the _mother_ that I wanted to be. I didn't feel strong enough to stand up against words of anger and hate.  
I needed Olivia to come back. She was the only person who knew that I was pregnant, but she'd left the penthouse after having a fight with Eisuke and hadn't returned. We'd exchanged plenty of texts and a few phone calls on my new cellphone - she sent a text asking how I was doing every morning - but as usual I couldn't tell her about the worries and the fears that circled inside of me endlessly.  
She'd said that she'd be coming back soon, and I looked toward the unknown day of her return with hope and despair. Once she was back I was going to tell Mamoru about the baby. I'd have no reason to hold back the truth any longer. If he responded harshly to the news, Olivia would be there to comfort me.  
It would have been best if she had never left. I missed her every day. It was hard to be dealing with such a feminine problem while I was surrounded by men that I barely knew. It would have been easier to become accustomed to the idea that I was pregnant if Olivia had been there. We would have had little talks about pregnancy and babies. It would have made everything seem more real.  
But I was on my own and doing my best to get used to the idea. I used my imagination all the time. As I walked on the terrace, I pictured myself with a large belly or carrying a baby. I tried to guess what it would feel like, the weight and the warmth. The love that was already starting to grow from a tiny seed. When I looked down at my watch and decided that it was finally time to go in to lunch, an imaginary toddler scurried after me, giggling and calling me, '_Mommy'_.

When I arrived at the dining room a heavy weight settled in my stomach. Mamoru was the only one in there. His head turned away as soon as I stepped into the room and he stared at a landscape painting that he must have completely memorized by then. It was his favorite thing to look at when I was there.  
"Hey, Chisato. You smell like the cold. Did you have a good walk?" Baba asked as he stepped into the room behind me.  
I turned to the side to get out of his way and greet him, breathing a sigh of relief that Mamoru and I wouldn't be dining alone. "Yes, and it's _freezing_ out there," I said, forcing a cheerful smile. "The weatherman was saying that it's almost as cold as the historical low."  
Baba shook his head as we took our seats at the table. "I'm not sure you should be walking out there, then. You don't want to get sick."  
"I won't get sick. I bundle myself up and I won't let myself get too cold. I just want to get a little fresh air and exercise," I explained.  
"Makes sense," Baba said with a shrug. "You want a treadmill? I'll order you one. That way you can get some exercise inside. And I'm going down to the bookstore later. Do you want anything?"  
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I was completely in the care of these men, but it was still hard to accept their generosity. Baba spoke of buying me a thousand dollar treadmill as if it were the same as a ten dollar book. It was hard to get used to, but I really had no way of getting things unless they were given to me.  
I wanted to say, '_Yes, get me some books on pregnancy and babies'_, but I couldn't. I didn't even have the nerve to look information up on my laptop. I couldn't be sure that Eisuke's minions weren't checking up on what I was doing, even online. Even when I talked to and texted Olivia on my cell phone, we never said anything about my being pregnant.  
"A good mystery would be nice," I said to Baba. "And maybe a package of that special tea they sell in the back corner? I don't remember the flavor. It's in a purple and silver box, lavender something."  
"A mystery and purple tea," Baba said. "Your wish is my command, Princess."  
While I laughed at his silly comment, Ota came into the room and plunked himself down in the chair on the other side of Baba. "I met a real asshole last night at that party for Ayane Ogeretsu," he said, pulling a business card out of his pocket and handing it to Baba. "The man was spouting shit like he had no idea how to close his mouth."  
"Guys, this isn't the time to discuss business," Mamoru said, his eyes darting pointedly at me and then back to his plate.  
"No worries, Mamo." Ota waved the air as if batting away Mamoru's words. "Chisato's cool, aren't you Chisato?"  
I couldn't help but laugh. Ota's boyish good looks and charm were undeniable. "Yeah, I'm cool," I replied, even though I had to be the least cool person within a fifty mile radius. "Talk about whatever you want."  
"This guy owns some businesses, car dealerships and electronics stores mostly, and he's gotten too much money for his own good. He was talking about branching out into criminal activities, mostly shady pornopgrahy. He was going on about how easy it would be to kidnap drunk girls out of clubs, sober them up, film them being raped and then dump them off somewhere," Ota said. "The guy's a real idiot. He couldn't stop bragging about how he's got a shitload of money and expensive merchandise at his house. I say we hit the house and then have Soryu dismantle the guy's little business empire."  
"It's a good address," Baba said, reading the business card. "We'll have to drive by and take a look at the house. A lot of times guys like that have shit security."  
"We should hold off on the actual work, though," Ota said. "I don't want to do a break-in in this cold. Some morons wanted to walk on the beach last night after the party broke up. I almost froze my dick off."  
"_Chisato,"_ Mamoru said, forcing my name out, his voice strained. He was obviously making himself talk to me to distract me from what Ota was saying. "Are you sure it isn't too cold for you to be outside? I agree with Baba that you'd be better off on a treadmill."  
"I'm really fine and I like the fresh air," I said. "But I guess I wouldn't mind a treadmill for days that it's raining or snowing."  
"I'll order you one now," Mamoru said. For a moment his eyes and voice were a little softer before he turned away to pick up his phone.  
"Thank you," I said, my stomach twisting. I was reminded of how nice he could be, how comforting it was to be wrapped in his arms, how safe he could make me feel. I looked down at my plate, fighting off the tears that were rising up into my eyes. It was weak of me to want to be held by him.  
I knew that it would never happen again. I'd closed the door on that possibility and broken the doorknob. He hated me now. He didn't want to look at me, let alone touch me, but that was probably for the best. It was weak of me to hide in his arms, to bury myself in his body and turn my back on my problems. Reality was breathing down my neck, I couldn't afford to run away from it any longer. I had to prepare myself for the future, even looking back at memories was a waste of time.  
"Eisuke said I can go to Mei and Sanjou's engagement party, since it's in the hotel," I said, struggling to find a topic, something to say to him to keep the conversation between us going.  
He responded with his usual look of displeasure, not happy that I was continuing to talk to him. "That's good. I'm sure it'll be nice to get out of the penthouse, even if it's just for a few hours."  
"That's what I was thinking," I said, making myself talk even though I just wanted to cry. "It's always interesting to see those big parties from the other side. I have an extra appreciation for them, since I know how much work goes into all of the arrangements and setup."  
"They're boring as hell if you ask me," he replied. I'd expected him to end the conversation with his typical grunt. He still wasn't looking at me, but he'd gone one comment further than usual.  
"You're right. Even Olivia complains about the parties that she has to go to, but I'm hoping it will be better since she and Sakiko will be there," I said. "That should make a difference."  
"I'm used to going to parties with these knuckleheads," he said, nodding at Baba and Ota. "It would probably be better without them."  
My heart had started pounding in my chest. It felt like ages since he'd spoken so many sentences to me. I was so stunned that I couldn't think of anything to say back to him, but Ota jumped into our conversation and saved me.  
"The problem is that this guy sucks at a party. He doesn't drink enough alcohol and he isn't interested in the girls," Ota complained. "He just ends up brooding in a corner like an old lady."  
Mamoru shook his head. "The conversation gets boring quick, especially when people start getting drunk. The only people who think drunk people are entertaining are other drunk people."  
"Thanks for the advice, Grandma," Ota said. "Maybe I'll join you in your gloomy corner for some intellectual conversation, but not this time. I figure Mei'll have a bunch of her slutty friends from Hong Kong at the party."  
Mamoru made a disgusted noise and I frowned, but Ota ignored us, saying to Baba, "We should place bets on how many women will be dressed in cheongsams and how many we can get to follow us to a club. You speak any Chinese?"  
"Not really," Baba said with a laugh.  
"They'll know English, anyway." Ota shrugged. "But women always like it if you can say things like '_I love you'_ and '_let's go to bed'_ in their native language."  
"I'm done," Mamoru said and pushed away from the table.  
"Me too," I chimed in, taking the opportunity to escape the dining room with Mamoru rather than stay and listen to Ota plot ways to seduce women.  
We walked out to the great room together. He didn't look at me or say anything else, but when I turned into the hallway that led back to my apartment, I felt lighter than usual. If I could just keep this up, taking little steps each day towards something that looked a bit more like friendship, it would be much easier to share my secret with him when the time came.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to the restroom," I said, separating myself from Olivia, Sakiko and Mei. The engagement party was proving to be a bit much for me. Even on a normal day I would have been a little overwhelmed by the crowded ballroom filled with glittering personalities and expensive decorations. It was one thing to be an employee looking in on a luxurious party being set up, it was quite another to be a guest.  
I threaded my way through the little knots of party-goers, all of them chatting, drinking and laughing. I only knew a handful of the guests - Olivia, Sakiko and the penthouse guys - but I recognized several of the staff who were walking carefully through the crowd carrying trays of drinks and hors d'oeuvres. I could only smile at them, it wouldn't be right for me to strike up conversations, and in exchange they gave me curious looks. I'd disappeared from my job and popped up weeks later at a party. I wondered what rumors would be circulating the next day.  
The thought had me tugging as inconspicuously as possible on the hem of the dress I was wearing. Daichi had helped me to pick out a beautiful dark blue dress with a tea length skirt. When I'd gone to put it on that night, the hem had fallen out of it. There hadn't been time to do any last minute repairs. My only choice had been to wear one of Olivia's super short dresses.  
I was not at all comfortable in the tiny dress. I was at least three inches taller than Olivia and the dress was dangerously short on me. It was just one more thing for the Tres Spades catering staff to take note of. The usually conservative Chisato Kurihara was at a fancy party dressed like a floozy.  
I finally reached the double doors of the ballroom and stepped out into the hallway with a sigh of relief. The air was less oppressive and the hall was nearly empty. Two women slipped past me to return to the party, leaving only one man leaning against a wall doing something with his phone. I started toward the restrooms, silently giving myself compliments for hiding my nervousness and for doing my best to keep my eyes off of Mamoru.  
He'd been leaning against a wall, half-hidden by a huge plant since the party began. He was the same as in the penthouse, holding himself apart from everyone else and brooding. There were times when I'd seen a different side of him. He would let loose, smile and laugh with the guys in the penthouse for short bursts, but it never lasted long. He would always return to his chair next to the window and fall back into a dark silence.  
As I walked I realized that it hadn't been like that when we were staying together in the apartment. He'd had his chair by the window and he'd sat there often doing his work, but it had felt completely different. We'd been connected and happy. He hadn't been pulling himself away and shutting down.  
"Excuse me, Miss?"  
The voice broke into my thoughts and I looked up to see the man who'd been leaning against the wall with his phone. As soon as I glanced in his direction, he reached out with a gloved hand and grabbed my upper arm in a deathgrip.  
A cry of surprise fell from my lips as he used his free hand to open the door next to him. He wrenched me through the doorway and then shoved me inside the room, slamming the door shut behind us. I stumbled across the room, struggling to stay upright. When I found my balance, I spun around to look at him.  
"_What are you doing?"_ I asked. My heart lodged in my throat. My eyes were darting around the room, trying to find a means of escape, but there was only the door. I'd have to go through the man to get it.  
"I'm taking care of business," he said, walking towards me calmly. He reached into an inner pocket in his suit jacket and pulled out a syringe. He popped the cap off and flicked it away, revealing the sharp needle beneath. "Don't scream."  
I did anyway. One short, loud burst escaped my lips but I quickly realized that it would be much better to keep my mouth shut and focus on the man and his weapon. My instincts told me to back away from the danger approaching me, but I stood my ground. I did not want to be pinned against the wall behind me. I stared at the man, at the way he held his arms and the way his legs moved as he walked. And especially at the syringe in his hand. He held it like a nurse, between his first and second fingers, his thumb on the plunger, ready to inject me with whatever drug was inside.  
I hadn't taken all of those self defense classes for nothing. I'd paid attention and put all of my effort into each and every one. I'd listened carefully to everything that had been taught to me. This man approaching me was the real test of my abilities, all of the practice I had done was coming to a head. It was fight or die, and I was not going to die.  
My first move was to catch him by surprise. As he neared me I stepped forward, keeping my movements strong, quick and concise. I brought my right arm up and came crashing down on his left forearm with all my strength, knocking the hand that held the syringe away from me. I didn't have time to notice whether or not my blow was strong enough to make him drop the syringe. I was already in the middle of my next move. Striking him with my right arm had turned by body slightly to the right, putting me in the perfect position to turn back into him and hit him hard in the face with my left elbow. I aimed for his nose, a quick brutal strike with all of my strength, hoping to break it.  
Blood gushed from his nose as he fell back a step. I took a split second to assess the situation. The syringe was on the ground. He was holding his bleeding nose with one hand and reaching towards me with the other. I stepped forward again, grabbing the arm that was raised to catch me and pulling him toward me, kicking upwards between his legs with all my might. He gave a little scream as I made contact and I threw him to the side so that he wouldn't fall on me. I ran for the door without looking back.

Out in the hallway, I rushed back toward the ballroom. While I was in the room, my mind had been strangely quiet and focused. Now that I was safe, fear and thoughts were overwhelming me, making it hard to breathe. He had tried to kill me and my baby was inside of me. He would have killed us both if he had succeeded. I kept seeing him and the syringe raised in his hand, coming toward me.  
I was in a nightmare hallway. It seemed as if I would never reach the ballroom. I was running through invisible quicksand. As I finally neared the double doors, four women stepped out, giving me strange looks as I ran past them. I looked down to see that there was blood on my arm from when I'd elbowed the man in the nose.  
I rubbed uselessly at my arm as I stepped back into the crowd, all I could do was spread the blood around and get it on my hand. With a sigh I put my hands behind my back and tried to be as inconspicuous as possible as I moved past the guests, searching for someone to help me. I spotted Olivia, who took one look at me and began to rush toward me, just before I noticed Mamoru. He ran past Olivia, carelessly pushing past the guests that were in his way, and grabbed me by my upper arms as soon as he reached me.  
"_What happened to you?"_ he demanded, his voice full of fear and worry. His eyes skittering over me, from my eyes to the blood on my hand and arm.  
"Someone tried to kill me," I said, speaking low, not wanting to be overheard. "This blood isn't mine."  
Olivia arrived next to me and a moment later Eisuke and Soryu were there. They closed around me, blocking me from sight with their bodies. "Someone tried to attack her," Mamoru explained to them.  
"In the hall," I said. I was starting to shake and cry, but I knew how important it was to give them information. They would want to try to find the man. "He pulled me into a room."  
"We've got to get her out of here," Olivia said.  
The men were already moving. Mamoru turned me around and pulled me into his chest, dropping his head down to speak low into my ear. "Everything is going to be okay. We're going to get you to the elevator and up to the penthouse."  
My heart was pounding. I did not want to go back out into the hallway. My feet moved forward, but only because they had no choice. Mamoru was pressed tightly against my back, walking through the crowd, propelling me like a puppet. At the doors, we were joined by Baba, Ota and two guards. It helped. There were so many of us. Surely the man who attacked me would be long gone, and even if he weren't, he wouldn't try to touch me again with so many men protecting me.  
We moved down the hallway toward the elevator. At times my fear made it seem as if we were moving far too slowly, at others it felt as if were moving too fast. Nothing felt normal, it was like a dream.  
"What did he look like?" Soryu asked. Of course they would want to find the man as soon as possible. They needed a description.  
It was hard to think. I felt as if I was falling apart. "I don't know… He was wearing a suit… he had short hair…"  
"Do you remember what color his tie was?" Mamoru asked, his voice soft and comforting.  
"B-blue," I said. Mamoru's nearness was too much. It tempted me to let go and give in to my emotions, to rely on him when I needed to keep control of myself. A sob escaped me, but I forced out more words. "I hit him in the nose. There should be blood and swelling."  
"You're amazing," Mamoru whispered next to my ear. "I'm proud of you."  
"That's the room," I said to Mamoru as we passed the room the man had forced me into. He signalled to one of the guards. The man broke away from our strange little group and disappeared into the room. I wondered what he would find. Blood on the floor, almost certainly. Would my attacker have taken the time to pick up the syringe and find the cap, so that he could put it back in his pocket? Or would he have left the evidence on the floor in order to make the quickest possible escape?  
In the elevator Mamoru wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close and making me feel warm and safe. I wanted to turn around in his arms and hide my face in his chest, but I knew that I couldn't do that. There were still too many questions that I would have to answer. There would be new plans being made about me and the Shin Aida problem. I also knew that I couldn't quite trust Mamoru's kindness. This was a crisis situation. He was being supportive and caring now, but what would he be like in the cold light of day tomorrow? There was still too much to resolve between the two of us.  
They herded me into the penthouse and sat me down on an ottoman. More guards came out of the observation room and joined the group that was staring at me. Soryu took over and began asking questions. "What happened?"  
I looked for Mamoru, looked for his support, but he had stepped away and was standing at the rear of the crowd. His eyes were watching me intently, but he was so far away. I knew it. I knew that it wouldn't last but I'd hoped for a little more time. I rubbed my hands over my arms, trying to warm myself up and give myself courage. This wasn't bad. I just had to answer a few questions. It only felt bad because fear was still rushing through my veins.  
"I went out to go to the restroom. There was a man in the hallway. He grabbed me and forced me into a room," I said, doing my best to control my shaking. I looked at Soryu, I didn't let myself look at Mamoru. I knew that if I did my eyes would reveal how much I needed him. "He had a syringe. He was going to inject me with some sort of poison…"  
"Poison?" Soryu asked. "Did he say what it was?"  
"No," I answered. "He just said that he was going to take care of business."  
Soryu looked at Eisuke. "It probably _was_ poison. It makes no sense for them to just knock her out. They wouldn't have been able to do anything with her unconscious body."  
A shudder went through me as Soryu confirmed my suspicions. I could have been dead by now. If I hadn't known self defense, if he'd been too strong or quick, I wouldn't have been sitting there. When Soryu asked, I explained what I'd done to get away from the man. I tried to focus on the little thread of triumph and pride that I felt for having saved myself, as I explained to Soryu how I had fought the man off and escaped.  
There was a moment of quiet as everyone processed my story, and suddenly Olivia burst out, "_She needs to see a doctor!"_  
"Did you get hurt anywhere?" Soryu asked, looking down at me assessingly. "Is _any_ of that blood yours? Are you certain that the needle didn't touch you at all?"  
"No," I said. I was sure that there were bruises on my arms where the man had grabbed me and I'd hit his arm hard, but that was no reason to see a doctor. "I don't need to see a doctor. I didn't get hurt."  
"_She's had a major shock. She __has_ _to see a doctor," _Olivia exclaimed. She was freaking out and tugging on Eisuke's arm.  
I finally realized that she wasn't worried about me, she was worried about the baby. I took a deep breath. She was right. I should get checked out to ensure that everything was okay. There probably wasn't any way that I'd be able to see a doctor without telling Mamoru the truth.  
"_Everyone out,"_ Eisuke's voice, loud and authoritative, broke into my thoughts.. "Everyone get on the elevator. We're going downstairs, _now_."  
I looked at Eisuke in shock, but began to stand up, wondering what was going on. He turned to me and said, "You stay here, we're just going to have a meeting downstairs. Everything is going to be okay."  
While I nodded and settled back down on the ottoman, Eisuke turned to Mamoru and pointed his finger at him. When he spoke, his voice was angry. "And _you._ You stay with Chisato and get the doctor up here."  
The group had already begun breaking up. The penthouse guards filed back into their room while everyone else disappeared out the front door, leaving Mamoru and I alone. I was stunned, I couldn't comprehend it. Had Eisuke known that I was pregnant and that Mamoru was the father? Had Olivia told him? She'd assured me that she hadn't, but maybe she'd lied? It wasn't easy to keep secrets from Eisuke.  
I looked up at Mamoru. He looked very confused, but he pulled his phone out of his pocket and called the doctor on duty in the hotel. I felt as if my body were turning to stone as I listened to him give a quick explanation to the doctor and request that I be seen in the penthouse immediately. I was going to have to tell him. _Now. _Before the doctor arrived.  
"Mamoru," I said, through lips that felt numb.  
"Hold on," he said and then called out, "Hey, someone give Dr. Ogawa clearance to get up here."  
An intercom quickly activated and a voice answered, "Yes, Sir."  
That's right. I was going to have to confess and there was an audience. I felt tears rising to my eyes. These was the absolute worst circumstances to tell Mamoru that he was going to be a father. I closed my eyes and said, "I'm pregnant." It was easiest to just release the words that had been stuck in my throat for weeks. There was no use debating it, trying to find the right words or putting it off for a single second. All that I could do was state the simple fact and wait to see what happened.  
I looked up at Mamoru, tears streaming silently down my face. He was standing frozen in shock, staring down at me. I reached up to wipe the tears from my cheeks, but caught myself before I touched my face with my hand. It was still stained with my attacker's blood.  
Mamoru was moving, his eyes skittering all over me. Was he looking for signs of pregnancy? He stepped over and knelt in front of me, his eyes searching mine. "You're pregnant," he said, the phrase somewhere between a statement and a question.  
"Yeah," I said, nodding, trying to get the tears to stop.  
"How long have you known?" he asked.  
"A while," I said. "Since the day Olivia left."  
"But that was weeks ago," he said, his voice growing stronger, almost accusing. "Is this what you've been looking so upset about? You were worried because you're pregnant? Why didn't you tell me?"  
There was nothing left to do but keep telling the truth. It was so easy to let the walls that had been holding everything back crumble, much easier than trying to think up new lies and excuses. "I was afraid that you'd be mad. I didn't think I'd be able to handle it."  
"Mad? Jesus, Chisato," he said, his voice was soft, taking the sting out of his words. His arms went around me and he pulled me to him, hugging me close and burying his face in my shoulder. "You don't know me at all."  
I closed my eyes. I didn't know if I should be accepting his hug, if I had a right to it, but I needed it. I'd needed it for far too many days. It was breaking down more walls deep inside of me, releasing more tears. I wrapped my arms around his upper back and cried, resting my head against his.  
Suddenly a loud alarm started going off. I jerked away from Mamoru and looked up, wondering what was going on. Mamoru was already on his feet, looking over at the guards who were pouring out of their observation room. One of them ran toward us.  
"_Emergency exit!" _he shouted. "_Run!"_

_Author's Note: I made sure to spend some time explaining that Chisato was wearing one of Olivia's short dresses, but never really found a good place to explain why that was important. So, here it is: it left her legs unfettered so that she could kick some ass. The moral of this chapter is that short skirts are safer than long ones.  
_ _Also, I was wrong. If you're reading Olivia's second short story, don't read chapter 5 until you've read chapter 12 of Chisato + Mamoru. _


	12. Alarm

The sound of an alarm going off tore through the air, loud and piercing. Mamoru had been kneeling before me, holding me close while I cried. The repetitive shriek of the alarm shattered the moment, threw the events of our lives off course as an unknown danger presented itself. I looked up in surprise and confusion, but Mamoru was already on his feet. He'd responded to the frightening sound automatically.  
He was pulling me to feet as the door to the guard's observation room slammed open and men poured out. One of them ran towards us, his face serious and his eyes intent, but there was an air of fear about him. It made my heart squeeze and my body began to freeze, but the guard yelled, "_Emergency exit! Run!" _and Mamoru yanked on my arm, propelling me along towards the stairs.  
Mamoru pulled me into position in front of him, guiding me into the stairwell and keeping his hands on my upper arms. "Wait," I said, pausing on the first landing to kick off my high heels. They were slowing me down. I wanted to ask what was happening, why we were suddenly being asked to evacuate, but there wasn't a chance. It was obvious from the looks on the faces of the men that we needed to move as fast as possible. There wasn't time for questions or explanations. There was barely time to think.  
As soon as my shoes were off, we began running again. The sound of the door slamming open above us and more feet joining us on the stairs echoed through the stairwell. The other guards must have gone to clear everyone else out of the penthouse. They were streaming in behind us, running down the stairs, urged on by the shouts of the guards to go as fast as possible. It made it feel more real, seeing the confused and panicked faces of the maids and hearing the loud, commanding voices of the guards. My heart was racing, from both the fear and the headlong flight down the stairs.

As we reached the twenty-seventh floor, an alarm started going off around us and emergency lights went on in the stairwell. Moments later doors swung open and guests began entering from every floor. They were moving slower than the group from the penthouse, looking around in confusion, wondering aloud what was going on and if they'd been disturbed for a fire drill. Mamoru shifted so that he could shield me with his arm and push people out of my way. We continued rushing down the stairs, our feet moving as fast as possible from one step to the next and across landings. My pantyhose had been completely destroyed, torn open under the soles of my feet and retracted up my legs. It made it easier to run, my bare feet slapping against the cold tile of the stairs rather than the slippery material of my pantyhose.  
As we passed the twenty-fourth floor, the air around us was split by an enormous _BOOM!_ The floor beneath our feet and the walls around us shook. The stairwell filled with screams and the guests who had been behaving as if they were unwilling participants in a drill were suddenly in a panic to get downstairs and outside. Everyone began moving faster and more guests entered the stairwell as the people who hadn't seen any hint of a fire, and opted to stay in their rooms, joined the mass exodus.  
I concentrated on running down the stairs, moving my feet as quickly as possible, allowing them to fall from one step to the next. All that I knew was the I had to get away from the sound of that explosion, to go down, down, down as fast as my legs would take me.  
The stairs were wide, built to accommodate a large number of people evacuating the building all at once, but people still pushed and shoved as those who could move faster fought their way around the slower ones. Mamoru and the guards began barking orders, telling people to move in an orderly fashion and take care with others. Screams sounded from above and below us.  
Mamoru continued to shield me with his body, creating a path for me with his arm and guiding me down the stairs. Floor after floor passed by as we ran, moving in a thick stream of hotel guests. When we finally reached the first floor, double doors were open wide to the outside where guests were gathered on the lawn under the night sky, but Mamoru lead me away from the doors. We left the guests behind and went down two more flights of stairs to an unmarked door that Mamoru unlocked with his thumbprint.  
The door opened onto Eisuke's private underground garage. We stepped inside the huge concrete room and the door closed behind us, completely blocking out the noise of the guests still making their way down the stairs to safety. The guard had come with us into the garage. We were all breathing heavily and sweaty from our long run down from the top of the hotel. I was shaking and felt as if I would collapse at any moment, but Mamoru did not stop. He walked over to where a box was mounted on the wall next to the elevator doors that exclusively serviced the penthouse. He unlocked the box with his thumbprint and pulled out a fob for a car.  
The garage was filled with a large assortment of vehicles, though many of them were flashy sports cars. Mamoru led us to a nondescript family sedan and hit the button on the fob to unlock the doors. I sank into the passenger seat with a sigh of relief, while the guard climbed into the backseat and Mamoru took the wheel, starting the car and driving out of the garage without a moment's hesitation.

As we drove up the ramp to ground level, the road and lawns surrounding the hotel came into view. I saw Olivia standing with Eisuke and the others. She waved at me as we drove past, and I waved back, taking in the chaotic scene of thousands of hotel guests covering the lawn as Mamoru turned the corner and the front of the hotel came into view. It was only then that I thought to look up, to the top of the hotel where a large fire was burning, a huge cloud of dark smoke pouring into the sky.  
My heart sank and I felt ill. We could have been in the penthouse when that explosion went off. We could have been dead. The lawn was filled with hotel guests and the alarm had gone off before the explosion hit, giving people time to evacuate, but I knew that some people would have stayed in their rooms. It wasn't possible that no one had been hurt. Some of our guests, the people that we were responsible for, had been injured and killed. The thought brought tears to my eyes.  
As we rounded the long curve that followed the shape of the peninsula that the hotel sat on, rescue vehicles sped past us, on their way to the disaster at the hotel. Mamoru said, "Chisato, get in the glove compartment and take out the blue and green boxes."  
I was glad for the distraction. I didn't want to imagine all of the terrible things that could be happening back at the hotel. I moved quickly to open up the glove compartment and pull out two boxes, one blue and one green. Mamoru told me to open the blue one first. It was filled with bluetooth headsets, nestled neatly in a row. I handed one to Mamoru and watched as he pushed a button and fit it into his ear.  
"This is Kishi," he said into the headset, his voice clear and authoritative. Just hearing how in control he was made me feel calmer. "Chisato and Enjin are with me. We're headed to a safehouse. Has Ichinomiya opened a line up?" The person on the other end of the call must have answered him with a 'no'. "Okay, keep me on this line and patch me through as soon as he calls in."  
He turned his attention back to me. "Chisato, open the green box. There will be a map in it with directions to a safehouse. I need to know where it is."  
I opened the box. Like he'd said, there was a map and a set of house keys inside. I read the address printed at the top of the map and said, "It's in Shibuya."  
"Alright," he said. "I'm going to be driving around until I'm certain that no one is following us. Enjin, what happened at the penthouse. How did you guys figure out that there was a bomb?"  
_A bomb._ That's right. What else would have caused an explosion and shaken the entire hotel? I turned around to look past Enjin and out the back window of the car. The large fire at the top of the Tres Spades was lighting up the night sky, reflected off the clouds high above it.  
"Kuze spotted a helicopter on the radar, heading straight for the hotel," Enjin explained. "It was coming from the ocean side, not from the city, and there weren't any scheduled helicopter landings this evening. With Miss Kurihara already being attacked, it seemed safest to assume the worst and evacuate."  
"The helicopter probably dropped a bomb," Mamoru said. "From the look of things, I don't think it was a missile. That would have done a lot more damage. You guys made the right decision to evacuate, but I don't need to tell you that. Hopefully, everyone was out of the danger zone in time."  
"Why did they drop a bomb?" I asked, no longer able to hold in the fear and anxiety that were inside me. "Did they do it just to try to get rid of me? Because the attacker failed?"  
All that I could think about were the people in the penthouse and hotel. Had their lives been in danger because of me? Was I really so important that someone thought it was acceptable to kill a large group of people just to make sure that I was dead?  
"This had to have been done by Shin Aida's group," Mamoru answered. "But I don't think you were the target. I think they tried to take you out as a warning for Eisuke, when that didn't work they probably went with Plan B. They've figured out that Eisuke has turned his sights on Aida, and they know that you're being protected in the penthouse. They must assume that you've been working under Eisuke's orders this whole time."  
"They must be desperate," he continued. "This isn't some back alley murder that can be covered up. A bombing is going to make international news. It will be interesting to see how things play out from here on. Eisuke will be doing everything he can to make sure he wins this war and comes out on top."  
"I can't even imagine how angry Eisuke must be," I said. "They bombed his hotel and his home. He could have been killed."  
"We all could have been killed," Mamoru said grimly. "The objective now is to make sure nothing like this ever happens again."  
The car fell silent and I stared out the windshield. I no longer looked back at the burning hotel. I didn't want to see it anymore. I was picturing all of those guests milling around outside the hotel in the freezing cold. How many had been hurt? How many had been killed? This was a true tragedy, something you saw on the news, something that I had never thought I'd be a part of.  
I reminded myself that there were procedures in place. I was very familiar with them. The concierges on duty would be directing relief efforts, organizing everyone. All available employees would have come from the dorms to help out. Buses and taxis would be filling with guests to take them to new accomodations. Families with small children and the elderly would be taken care of first. It was a plan that no employee had ever thought would need to be implemented. But we had all been tested on it, I prayed that things were running smoothly and that everyone who needed help was receiving it.  
"Hey," Mamoru said. "I'm going to be driving for a long time. You should try to get some sleep. You too, Enjin," he added, raising his voice a little. "Get some sleep. We'll be counting on you to be on guard tonight."  
I looked back at Enjin, he obeyed Mamoru as if he'd been given an order, closing his eyes and tipping his head to the side. I closed my own eyes with a sigh. There were so many things to worry about, but I was exhausted and the car was softly thrumming as it moved down the highway. As I drifted off to sleep I heard Mamoru's voice, answering a call on the bluetooth earpiece.  
"Kishi here… I'm in the black Corolla with Chisato and Enjin. We're headed for a safehouse in Shibuya, but I'm taking a long route to get there to make sure I'm not being followed… No, I don't intend to join you guys tonight. I'm going to focus on Chisato. We'll join you tomorrow… I'll listen in. I want regular updates…"

"Chisato, wake up. We're here." Mamoru's voice was quiet and gentle. We were parked on the street half a block away from a small apartment building. Our "safehouse" was an apartment on the third floor. There was a doctor waiting for us in the small lobby and Enjin positioned himself between the elevator and the entrance to the stairwell. He was set to guard until a team of four guards arrived to replace him.  
There wasn't a lot that the doctor could do. After I washed up, he gave me a basic exam and asked some questions. He thought that everything was fine with the baby, but recommended that I undergo a more thorough examination as soon as possible. He admonished Mamoru for the fact that I hadn't yet seen an obstetrician.  
"I understand that this woman's been in danger, but Mr. Ichinomiya can have a team of doctors and nurses and an ultrasound machine brought on site," the doctor said with a frown. "There's no reason for this woman or her unborn baby's health to be neglected."  
"I'm sorry," I said. After the doctor left. "It wasn't fair for the doctor to lecture you for something that you didn't even know."  
"The least I can do is take a little of the blame off your shoulders," he said. He hadn't let me set the doctor straight on where the blame actually lay. "I don't think you need to be reprimanded when you're already going through so much."  
"Thank you," I said, not knowing what else to say. There were so many words pressing against the back of my throat that I didn't know which to let through first.  
"Come on," he said. "Let's it down. We have a lot to talk about."  
I followed him into the living room and sat down on the couch. To my surprise, he took a seat in front of me on the coffee table. He wanted to be close and his eyes were serious. I thought that must be a good sign. He wasn't trying to put distance between us. He'd been doing his best to take care of me since he'd found out about the baby. Even before that, he'd been the first to reach me when I'd gone into the ballroom in a panic. He didn't hate me. _Surely,_ he didn't hate me. At least I didn't have to worry about that.  
"I need to apologize to you," he began, his eyes full of regret. "I've been acting like a complete asshole to you. If I'd stood by my word to be there for you to talk to, you wouldn't have been afraid to tell me that you're pregnant."  
"No. Wait. I broke things off with you in a really bad way." I said. His words were unexpected. I hadn't thought that he would blame himself for my decision to hold off on telling him. "Of course you didn't want to have anything to do with me after that. But...even that doesn't matter. I'm not looking to cast blame. I'm just trying to get things figured out because there's going to be a baby and we need to figure out how we're going to be parents."  
"I don't think it's about assigning blame. For me it's about taking responsibility. I've been avoiding doing that just in general for far too long." He reached out and took my hand, pulling it towards him and folding it between his large hands. "I have been in love with you for a long time. Even when you were still engaged to that idiot, when you first started coming up to the penthouse, there was just something special about you and I couldn't get you out of my head."  
"But that doesn't make any sense," I said, surprised and confused. I tried to bring back memories of that time. "We barely even spoke to each other. You were always sleeping. I never did anything special at all."  
"Remember, I wasn't as asleep as people assumed I was," he explained. "You were soft and gentle and kind to everyone, but you always gave me a ferocious look of disapproval. I just knew that there was more to you than what everyone else saw. I wondered if your fiance knew that there was a fire hidden behind your smile. Did you show it to him, or was he fooled like the rest?"  
I pulled my hand away from his and ran it over my face nervously. This wasn't what I'd expected. I wasn't prepared for this. I'd thought Mamoru would say something like, '_I want to be a part of this child's life' _and I'd respond with, '_Of course, we'll work out a visitation schedule.'_ And _maybe _he'd say that we needed to get married in order to give the baby a home with a mother and a father. I was prepared to argue against a shotgun wedding. I wasn't prepared for a confession of love or questions about my relationship with Hinata.  
"I… I don't know what…" I flailed about, now knowing how to respond, but in the end the truth was the easiest thing. It was fairly simple, if not pretty, and it wasn't going to cause more confusion later. "No. He didn't know that there was anything more than my smile. He wouldn't have liked it if he'd found the other side of me."  
"He's a fool, and this is making me feel a little too happy," he said, reaching up and trying to wipe a smile off his face. "I'm sorry. I've been a little obsessed with you, but I was just a fool daydreaming in my chair. Eisuke got tired of me not making a move on you and dreamt up a reason to make us work together."  
"_What?"_ The question escaped my lips in a hiss. I thought about Eisuke and his high-handed, manipulative conversations. I pictured Mamoru, making himself at home in my apartment and flirting with me in my office. It felt as if the history of the last couple of months was being rewritten. Things hadn't been what they'd seemed. "So you were _in love with me-"_ I had to force the words out of my mouth. They were just so hard to believe. "-and then we slept together and I _ended things in a very crazy way…"  
_ "This wouldn't have happened if I'd been honest with you from the beginning," he said. "At first I was pissed at Eisuke for interfering, but then I just had so much fun spending time with you…"  
I watched him running his fingers through his hair, his eyes sliding to the side as he recalled memories, his mouth tightening. He was starting to have trouble expressing himself, finding the words and sharing his feelings. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them back up he held my eyes with a gaze full of pain.  
"I gave up after Minami was killed and there was nothing I could do about it. I'd dedicated my life to protecting citizens by solving crimes and in the end I couldn't even get justice for my best friend," he explained. "Since then, I've been hiding from life, caught up in my own dark thoughts, but spending time with you felt like a break from all of that. I started to feel hopeful and even happy, but then your apartment was ransacked and we moved into the penthouse. I got caught back up in my old thoughts of being powerless. I… I just focused on enjoying time with you. I tried to forget that I can't really protect you because I can't destroy Shin Aida. I turned my back on reality again and I wasn't honest with you. I should have talked to you about how I was feeling and how much I cared about you. If I'd done that, you never would have gotten the idea that we were just sex friends."  
"I'm sorry," I said, feeling helpless. I thought back to all the times he'd refused to look at me. How he hadn't wanted to speak to me. How much pain had he been in? He'd been _in love with me_ and I'd pushed him away without a thought to his feelings. "I didn't know. I'm so sorry that I hurt you."  
"It's not your fault. I don't blame you at all. It seems like we were both too wrapped up in our own issues to really make a connection," he said, reaching out to take my hand in his again. "But I promise you, I am going to take care of you and our child. I will be as much a part of your life as you'll let me be. I'll do whatever you ask of me and I'll make sure you never want for anything."  
"Don't worry about that," I said, turning my hand over in his and squeezing his fingers. "I know that your detective job can't be very secure. I've got plenty of savings and my apartment should be sold any day. The real estate agent's already shown it to several people."  
"I keep forgetting that you think I don't work," he said with a wry twist of his mouth. "I work, Chisato. I'm a manager for Eisuke's auction and that's earned me a stupid amount of money. And I _do_ work as a detective. I'm just pretending to be a bad cop. I report the worst of the criminals that are involved in the auction to my boss and he starts an investigation on them."  
I gasped. "But what if Eisuke finds out you're doing that? Isn't that too dangerous?"  
"Of course Eisuke's in on it," he said, shaking his head and giving a little laugh. "He's a complicated guy. He couldn't care less about most crimes, but there are some he can't tolerate. It was his idea to start informing the police of the criminals who are crossing that line. Just like the stuff with Shin Aida. He wants to bring guys like that down."  
I shook my head. "This is all too much. I think I've hit my limit. I need a break."  
"You're right," he said and stood up. "You need to sleep. It's been a rough night. I really shouldn't have been unloading on you like this, but I wanted to set things straight."  
"Is there a way to get something to eat first?" I asked. "It's been a long time since I had dinner."  
"Yeah. Let's go see what's in the kitchen. I wouldn't mind some food myself," he said and I followed him into the next room.  
The cupboards were stocked with ramen and there was frozen pizza in the freezer. We opted for the ramen since it would be faster to prepare and eat. I sat at the kitchen table and watched him as he filled a pot with water and put it on the stove. I felt numb inside, shellshocked. I'd been attacked, the penthouse had been bombed and Mamoru was claiming that he'd loved me for months. I didn't know how I was supposed to straighten everything out in my head and make it make sense.  
He was tall and lanky, still in the tuxedo that he'd worn to Mei and Sanjou's engagement party. His hair was scruffy and his eyes were tired. He was preparing food for me, when it was supposed to be the other way around. He wasn't complaining about it being a woman's job or demanding praise because he was going above and beyond his role in order to take care of me. He'd said that he loved me and talked about seeing beyond the cheerful facade that I wore around everyone.  
It felt wrong. It was backwards to everything I'd ever known and experienced. I was supposed to need that facade and to stay firmly in my role if I was going to be loved. I'd been snippy with Mamoru since we'd begun working together. I hadn't bothered with keeping my mask in place and he'd been determined to provoke me from the beginning. I wanted to leave my old way of doing things behind, so it would make sense for me to be happy about finding someone to love me for what I was on the inside. But was it really possible to fall in love from afar? Wasn't it more likely that Mamoru had a crush on me? It would be hard to trust his feelings under normal circumstances, but we were in a high risk situation and I was pregnant. Mamoru was a protector by nature. How much of his feelings were nothing more than his instincts to keep me and the baby safe?  
Did it matter? Even if he didn't really love me, was marrying him the best thing that I could do? It would give our child a family, but it would do the same for Mamoru and I. We'd have each other. We'd do our best to make it work. Isn't that what people did in arranged marriages? We already got along so well, or at least we had before I broke things off. Couldn't I just decide to fall in love with him. Couldn't I at least try?  
I looked up from my nearly finished bowl of ramen and met his eyes. I'd been so lost in thought that I barely remembered eating, but my stomach was full and I was being hit with a sudden onslaught of drowsiness.  
"It's time to call it a night. We need to get some rest to be ready for whatever happens later today," he said and his eyes softened. "Can I sleep with you? I'm not talking about any funny business. It's just that I can sleep when I'm in the same bed as you. If not, I probably won't get any rest."  
"That's fine," I answered. It would probably help me to sleep if he was next to me, and how could I possibly tell him no.  
Is this how things would be? We were tied together by circumstances. He wanted me, and did I really have a reason to say no? Would there be one little choice after another that would add up to a lifetime commitment, and if that happened, would I be happy? Did I have a reason or a right to want anything else?


End file.
